05-23-2011, 04:23 AM
(05-20-2011, 09:15 PM)Shannon Wrote:(05-04-2011, 05:28 AM)Patti Wrote: I have to say, I don’t get this. I don’t mean this in an argumentative way, I just don’t understand. I’ve always been one to tell people that they feel what they feel and their feelings are never wrong, it’s what they feel. And this seems very similar to me. You want people to see what they see but then you tell them it’s wrong. How can what they see be wrong? They see what they see. What makes your sighting right for anyone other than you?
If I have a target, and I drop a bomb thirty miles away from it, did I miss the target? I want people to see what I see, not what they see. They already see what they see. If they already saw what I see, they wouldn't have to try to figure out what I see.
My experience has been that feelings can be wrong, and blind acceptance of them is not really always a good method for staying healthy. If I blindly accepted my feelings all the time, as you seem to suggest, I would never have left the ex who was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive to me, because my feelings still to this day tell me that I love her. Had my rational mind never gotten the upper hand, I would either be dead or in prison right now for killing her in response to her borderline personality. In this case, my feelings were wrong.
You cannot simply toss aside all challenges and say that there is no wrong answer. While it is true that some things cannot have a wrong answer, there is no learning without a restriction to what is being targeted. Imagine saying that on a mathematics test, "There is no wrong answer, if you feel that the answer is correct, then it is." I don't know about you, but someone who achieves a degree in engineering with a test like that, I don't want working on any part of the airplane I'll be riding in.
In this case, there is a specific answer I am looking for. If you understand, great. If not, keep trying until you either do understand, or no longer wish to understand.
I certainly don’t disagree with you that looking back on your relationship with her that you feel it wasn’t healthy. It’s what you feel, therefore you’re not wrong. But that’s more about hindsight. What you did or didn’t do because of those feelings is a different story. What we feel can change and as we grow usually does but those feelings are always right for us at the time.
I have no doubt that you drew her into your life at that time for lessons you needed to learn about yourself. Things that really needed to be driven into your soul for you to get. When all that happened with her, you were in a very low place with your illness and what was going on with your mom. I’m more than sure you were extremely vulnerable which might have made you more open to learn what you needed. I have a feeling you can be stubborn sometimes, probably even with yourself.
I can tell just by this forum that your are a passionate person, one who truly wants to help others. You’re not in this business for the money, although that’s nice to have but not your true purpose here. Just by updating your programs, listening to people, finding out if your programs work or don’t, why or why not, and giving sound advice at how to deal with things people are going through while using them is something no other company does. And I tend to think that you’re helping ways trickle down into your love life and you might be or have been a fix-it type of boyfriend. You want the better for everyone.
The point I’m trying to make is that for you, in that time of your life, you needed the love you had for her to learn things about yourself that couldn’t have been told to you to understand what you truly do need or want or not need or not want in a relationship. In my opinion you need someone more on your intellectual and passionate playing field, someone you don’t need to fix.
In any case, I stand firm. You’re feelings of love for her were not wrong, it’s what you felt.
As for the candle thingie, I do understand now just by you saying you WANT people to see what you see. That one word made all the difference.
P.S. Why would anyone drop a bomb thirty miles away from the target???? Than analogy didn’t make any sense to me. And feelings don’t have anything to do mathematics so I didn’t get that either.
If you're searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror!