11-29-2010, 03:39 PM
11/29/10
Man, I did not feel good today. Just overall. I talked to some people but underneath I felt like I was just putting on a happy face for them. I'm fairly certain how I feel right now isn't normal for a person. Nobody should feel this bad for no apparent reason. I don't hate people in this state of mind I just don't get enjoyment. I just wanted to get through my classes, get back to my house and watch tv.
So I'm just going to ride this emotional roller coaster out. I'm focusing on my thoughts, breathing, and meditating for brief periods of time. Right now my goal is just to not lose motivation in my college work. I think I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to get better with people instead of focusing on my studies which is more important than becoming more comfortable around people.
In the past I've tried to understand why I felt this way and logically try to figure it out, but it just added more stress. Today I told myself "ok today sucks, but its not the end of the world, stop trying to force yourself to be happy and just accept everything as it is." Its very tempting to wallow in the depression, but I know that it will just pass and I shouldn't play out the victim mentality.
So now I'm just gonna chill out. Maybe work on producing some electronic music on my computer. Right now my mind is telling me it's more effort than its worth, but I'm going to push myself to do it because I know that it won't be as bad as my mind thinks it is.
Man, I did not feel good today. Just overall. I talked to some people but underneath I felt like I was just putting on a happy face for them. I'm fairly certain how I feel right now isn't normal for a person. Nobody should feel this bad for no apparent reason. I don't hate people in this state of mind I just don't get enjoyment. I just wanted to get through my classes, get back to my house and watch tv.
So I'm just going to ride this emotional roller coaster out. I'm focusing on my thoughts, breathing, and meditating for brief periods of time. Right now my goal is just to not lose motivation in my college work. I think I'm just putting too much pressure on myself to get better with people instead of focusing on my studies which is more important than becoming more comfortable around people.
In the past I've tried to understand why I felt this way and logically try to figure it out, but it just added more stress. Today I told myself "ok today sucks, but its not the end of the world, stop trying to force yourself to be happy and just accept everything as it is." Its very tempting to wallow in the depression, but I know that it will just pass and I shouldn't play out the victim mentality.
So now I'm just gonna chill out. Maybe work on producing some electronic music on my computer. Right now my mind is telling me it's more effort than its worth, but I'm going to push myself to do it because I know that it won't be as bad as my mind thinks it is.