Have you no shame? - OGSF 5G | EPRHA 2.0

[Dubls]

But in the mean time, it will help if you only use the program at night, and understand that crying, even in public and in front of family, is nothing to be ashamed of.

Why will it help only to listen at night? Is a reaction like crying most likely to occur while listening? If that's the case I'm cool with it because I don't listen at work or around people anyway. I didn't cry during my year of AM6, except for tearing up at an emotional video or movie. At times I felt terribly depressed or irritable, but I kept it together.

Sorry to derail your journal LionKing

[Shannon]

But in the mean time, it will help if you only use the program at night, and understand that crying, even in public and in front of family, is nothing to be ashamed of.

Why will it help only to listen at night? Is a reaction like crying most likely to occur while listening? If that's the case I'm cool with it because I don't listen at work or around people anyway. I didn't cry during my year of AM6, except for tearing up at an emotional video or movie. At times I felt terribly depressed or irritable, but I kept it together.

Sorry to derail your journal LionKing

Yes, in a case like this, it is more likely while listening.

[LionKing]

@Essy: No matter, I was just in too much of a hurry to answer yesterday. Don't think I've felt the need to cry all the time or anything, it was just that one time right when I started. I had a lot of anger and stress that had been piling on while I was doing ASC, and then I was reading about not having to be perfect and not being so hard on myself, so things just clicked right and I got to relax. That's all it is to me: its my body and mind quickly letting go of a lot of stuff and relaxing. Sort of like shaking off tension (notice there's actually a shaking motion, too). But since then, I've just pretty much felt happy.

@Sarge: Yeah, I don't know how I'll get over that one... just might need EPRHA 2.0, lol

Ha, I got a 2nd quote on the testimonials section, looks like things are going up! :D I credit ASC mostly, for making me feel more inspired.

I have some questions, but I'll create separate threads on the FAQ section.

Day 4

Things went noticeably smooth yesterday when She came over. She's going through a lot of stress currently, so it started out as her being pretty unreachable, but I was just feeling so damn good I was 100% sure I'd eventually lead her out of that. Usually when its like that I'll just kind of casually keep talking about stuff, monitor where she's at and kind of baby step making her relaxed and opening up and all that. Often I'll feel a little uneasy, so my talk might feel a little forced. But this time it was not. Felt better about myself, voice stayed naturally deep, being more naturally open & smiling, lots of stuff to talk about.

During the day, I am getting good smiles from women I encounter. But its not the ASC-type dominant look that'd make them smile in response to that, its more like recognition of the other person, or a welcoming feeling.. sort of like, say your gf/wife had been travelling and then you saw each other on the airport, and smiled to each other warmly. Atm I'm getting concerns on "manliness" and that sort of bs come up about, but give it time and I'll adjust. Had a dance partner turn quite sexual on me with this.

ASC worked on my eye contact, and now its getting easier again because its less like a fight and more like a "happy to see you". Eye contact with men, especially, is easier because its less challenging, but then again I'm still transitioning and careful that I won't be interpreted as gay or anything.

Feeling less stressed out about work.

I'm still listening quite much atm, but am in the process of bringing it down somewhat. Getting some hours in before the weekend. OGSF doesn't seem like its as tiring as my previous subs, but still I have noticed that the happiness/love cloud starts to form more a little after I stop listening. Does this imply that the mind only starts acting on the instructions more during the pauses in listening? Not sure. I noticed this on ASC also, where the happiest, confident state would only be available some after having stopped listening. Will create a poll about this on the FAQ section.

[LionKing]

Day 6

I'm experiencing slight signs of a hangover. Must be a subconscious response to a fear of alcohol, or shame of being affected by it.

Testing with listening less. Yesterday I was feeling like I'd listened for too long: I'd lost that loving feeling (still with Top Gun, seriously...), and was feeling a little fed up. So I stopped and maybe 6 hours later that good feeling started to come back. It was an awesome day and I didn't feel like doing much of anything besides laying on my bed on my back. I was very tired, took 3 naps, I think, and I clearly felt something was going on inside my brain. Weird sensations that I wasn't quite sure how to label, and eventually a sense of releasing and of having released something. Feeling a little worn, but good.

Something I realized was that I'm always rushing for something. If I'm not rushing towards something productive, then I'm rushing towards eating a mountain of nachos and watching a large number of tv shows, i.e. rushing away from something. I'll work on shifting that towards working on more positive things, while taking all the time I need.

I was invited to have some beers with a few guys, was nice. Wasn't sure if I'd only know 1 person there or several, but I wasn't worried at all that I might feel like a stranger or something. That's something that would've worried me a year or two back. Now it seems like the only situation that'd happen in was if they were all massive douches. And then, I'd leave asap anyway.

[LionKing]

Gotta shift my mindset from "working on fears" to "what would I do right now if I were already there?".

[Kol]

Dropping by with an question; how much time between switching the subs did you take? Just curious.

[LionKing]

I believe the common recommendation to be something between 1 week and 1 month for allowing "integration" (correct me if I'm wrong). Between AM6 and SM3 the time off is optional, as AM already contains programming from SM.

I am often very impatient with things not moving forward (working on it), and have never taken breaks longer than 1-3 days. This time it was some hours.

[LionKing]

Day 10 (was off the sub for 2-3 days after the last post, so continued -1 day)

I'm fine, nothing too shocking. Though a lot of thinking has been going on and I'm feeling.. less obsessed/cornered about everything.

Ah, now that I remember, it seems any PE I still had has disappeared. Won't be missed. I meant to post that in earlier posts already.

As for realizations, I happened to read THIS great post by Stratos. Since then, I've been taking some breath, clearing my head, and looking at the landscape of my emotional state; seeing if there's anything I'm ignoring. If there is, I'll focus on it, let it amplify and just be with it, process. At a minimum, I'll do this every night when going to sleep. Surprisingly there's been a lot of sadness coming up. I'll have some weird situations where I'm laying bed, focusing a sad feeling, which, as it grows, tenses the muscles in my face, neck, jaw and eyes to be very much like I'd be crying, but I'm really I'm feeling fine on the inside. As the minutes go by, those muscles might even start to spasm so my whole body moves on its own. Eventually, in 10-30 minutes, it'll all release and I'll feel much better. My experience in the last days has been that I can listen to the sub more, and feel about it, if I clear the resistance in this way once in a while. Often I don't even feel bad, just a little off or tired, but then when I really look there will some small, nasty feeling that I'm avoiding. Though once you start magnifying it, you sort of need to see it to the end. I was out and I had this tiny tension that I magnified into a great panic that was a little difficult to get rid of while out with my friends.

At about the same I read several articles from some women's dating site: LINK1, LINK2. Especially the 2nd one was interesting, which was about emotionally (un)available men. I'm getting pretty stiff (no pun) reactions to some of her writing, like "don't waste your baby-making years on those kind of men", and "remember, you don't belong to any single man", while at the same time advocating marriage as the one and only path... but, I digress. Honestly, ignoring the bs, she had some good points and it is true that I have some very real limits to my "emotional availability", or vulnerability. I like to talk about meaningful stuff and emotions in general, like fears and whatnot, but idk.. there's this.. if I feel conflicted or put on the spot, or like I don't know, I'm not 100% sure where I stand on this issue I close up, fast. Its some mixture of shame (not being good enough + men are not supposed to be weak), fear of being exposed (both vulnerable and "found out"), anger (get off me, mind your own business), and who knows what. What happens at this point is try to keep it all in and, in effect, I'm pretty much frozen on the spot. I think I've been like this since I can remember; there's always something about me or what I'm doing that I feel I need to hide. Shame. Has smt to do with my mother, I guess. Ha.

I have a feeling now on the new OGSF and maybe EPRHA, a new "battlefield" for me will be on this emotional openness front. Oddly, it feels slightly like approaching/women did at some point, long ago, like "hmm, I wonder if I can do that?". Positive, cautious, expectation. Though I do want to run either the new DAOS+BIATBWS or SM3 this summer, because summer is when all the dating and such happens here.

The mltr has been showing signs of being on OGSF, too, but she's only been exposed for a few hours a week. Interesting. Its kinda weird how similar, yet polar opposites we are. Btw, we were out and she was saying about some guy, how he tries to act all loud but "authority doesn't fit him at all". So then later on at my place, we were lazily laying in bed (clothed), and for some reason I was sitting on top of her and had her hands locked above her head, me leaning on them, and I had to ask: "so, do you think authority suits me?". She kinda smiled and looked down and to the side, saying "I don't know.. but you do have some authority over me, at least. ... I don't think its anything you do, but it just is. You don't let me do whatever I want.". Cool

Btw, at some point I found I was watching porn again (masturbation, but never O, just entertainment), so I decided to do 30 days off any porn to see if its an issue. Its now 8 days remaining, and I'm 100% confident I'll make it to 30. Hasn't been that hard. Anyway, now I'm going to watch the video on Sarge's signature and that DOES NOT COUNT!

[SargeMaximus]

I have a feeling now on the new OGSF and maybe EPRHA, a new "battlefield" for me will be on this emotional openness front. Oddly, it feels slightly like approaching/women did at some point, long ago, like "hmm, I wonder if I can do that?". Positive, cautious, expectation. Though I do want to run either the new DAOS+BIATBWS or SM3 this summer, because summer is when all the dating and such happens here.

Whereabouts are you LionKing?

The mltr has been showing signs of being on OGSF, too, but she's only been exposed for a few hours a week. Interesting. Its kinda weird how similar, yet polar opposites we are. Btw, we were out and she was saying about some guy, how he tries to act all loud but "authority doesn't fit him at all". So then later on at my place, we were lazily laying in bed (clothed), and for some reason I was sitting on top of her and had her hands locked above her head, me leaning on them, and I had to ask: "so, do you think authority suits me?". She kinda smiled and looked down and to the side, saying "I don't know.. but you do have some authority over me, at least. ... I don't think its anything you do, but it just is. You don't let me do whatever I want.". Cool

Sweet. You seem to be doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

Btw, at some point I found I was watching porn again (masturbation, but never O, just entertainment), so I decided to do 30 days off any porn to see if its an issue. Its now 8 days remaining, and I'm 100% confident I'll make it to 30. Hasn't been that hard. Anyway, now I'm going to watch the video on Sarge's signature and that DOES NOT COUNT!

Lol! I know that feeling! When I discovered that video I went on a 2 hour+ twerking video binge. That one's my favorite but there are a lot of good ones.

[stratos]

Lionking - nice! I need to get back into that kind of presence practice.

By the way, make sure your women know that your authority and your sex require compensation. You really can't just invest all that time in providing a woman with authority and giving her sex without getting something in return. They need to do things for you, pay you, entertain you, bear you children, help your situation, or whatever it takes to keep your attention long enough to give them those 2 extremely valuable things.

[SargeMaximus]

Lionking - nice! I need to get back into that kind of presence practice.

By the way, make sure your women know that your authority and your sex require compensation. You really can't just invest all that time in providing a woman with authority and giving her sex without getting something in return. They need to do things for you, pay you, entertain you, bear you children, help your situation, or whatever it takes to keep your attention long enough to give them those 2 extremely valuable things.

Hey stratos, do you pay for dates when you're meeting new girls?

[stratos]

Good question. I often pay, but not for dates, with new girls.

Regarding payment, I often pick up the tab for anyone I'm out with (friends, women, business partners) and they often pick it up for me. I once met a girl at a party, she bought me 3 shots of vodka and then screwed me all night. So she was the instigator there. Lot sof times I pay though even if they insist I'll just say the staff knows me and that I like to treat.

But I don't go on "dates" with girls I'm not already screwing. The classic "date" is a turnoff to women you're not already sexing. (Unles she's very young and impressionable with a fancy evening.) To most women of any experience, it looks like you're one of countless betas buying a girl food so she screws him. And for me it's a quick meetup where I double book myself for the evening, just drinks and maybe an appetizer or two to smooth out any hunger, almost NEVER dinner BEFORE sex,. A dinner is a BIG BIG TURNOFF to starting a sexual relationship. Who wants to f while burping on a full stomach?? Who wants to stare across the table at someone? better to sit next to them at a bar so you can chit chat with others around you.so a quick drink at the nice and sort of elegant cocktail bar closest to my house and maybe an app, and then back to my house if i like them. a date is for AFTER there is some kind of (sexual) relationship, not BEFORE. why would I spend $ and time on someone I haven't even screwed yet and where there is no apparent business opportunity or friendship? good god, time is too valuable for that! not to mention money. I love to go on dates with girls I care about, NOT girls I am just trying to f! i'll go on "dates" with platonic female friends to reward them and enjoy time together as part of our friendship, and catch up on everything. "dates" are a turnoff to women who aren't yet sold on you, because it seems try-hard, pushy, and like you are trying to buy them instead of arouse them. dates can DEVALUE you if you don't have a reason to care about them already.

That being said if a chick becomes a regular there also needs to be something in it for me to provide her with sex and leadership. If the drama becomes too much I am out, pronto. If they play the exclusivity card ("I need exclusivity to continue the sexual relationship") I am very quick to say Let's Just Be Friends! (And they always want to keep screwing after hearing that, funny eh.) Any exclusivity needs to come from me and not their demands or ultimatums.

This is part of the recipe for a happy and abundant sex life where you are in the driver's seat and treating everything fairly.

[SargeMaximus]

Ah, well let me re-phrsase: what do you do when meeting up with new girls?

I don't know another word for the "wooing" process, so that's why I said "date". Obviously, I'm not advocating wine & dining! I just don't know how one goes from meet to lay, and how the paying for stuff works. I've heard it said that if the guy won't pay for the drinks (like coffee or whatever) the girl won't like it. I, personally, haven't paid for a single date yet, and the girl never seems turned off but... no second date. >>

So that's why I was wondering. But I am also curious how you go about a usual "meet to lay" process.

[LionKing]

Sweet. You seem to be doing much better than you give yourself credit for.

Thanks. Fundamentally I do think I'm fine and quite capable etc, but sub-wise I tend to focus on what needs to be worked, i.e. what's "wrong" with me. Plus, I've been raised not to brag, so when writing anything like that I always have to triple check it its not too much for me. I have been getting praises like from her before, e.g. "you just always really know how to handle me" in a case where she got fed up with her friend, and "omg, you're just so sexy last Saturday" :P

To be fair to myself about my last post, I'd definitely be easier to me "emotionally available" if I was content in doing/being what I'm supposed to do/be. Usually what I want and think is against SP, so I've come to expect either a shaming or a guilt trip response to "normal" people asking me about things. A full answer to why I think/feel whatever I do in some situation would often require me to give them quite personal information when their facial expression and often tonality implies that they're not going to agree with me anyway. But I still expect myself to be quite fine with this. Any reaction of mine is still caused by my GSF and whatever other factors, which I intend to deal with in my time.

By the way, make sure your women know that your authority and your sex require compensation. You really can't just invest all that time in providing a woman with authority and giving her sex without getting something in return. They need to do things for you, pay you, entertain you, bear you children, help your situation, or whatever it takes to keep your attention long enough to give them those 2 extremely valuable things.

Dude, you're scaring me... no bearing children! :D But you've got a point, I've been slacking on that a bit. As a Christmas present, she did make me a surprise meal and she'd bought us movie tickets for the same night. For food, we'll usually agree on smt before via text and then each will bring about half of the groceries. Sometimes I'll ask her to get me smt I need on her way to my place. Pay me :D What's your rate for a drop of white stuff? Her being a student, 50/50 is already way in my favor. What sort of other compensation do you require?

I just don't know how one goes from meet to lay, and how the paying for stuff works.

I haven't been meeting anyone totally new for quite a while. But for me it was almost always us going for 1 beer, or equivalent, then it that went well we'd go to another place for another, and if it was still on, we'd "go somewhere else" and then I'd just start walking towards my place. But that's the rare occasion, usually I'd call it the night after drink #1 or #2. Paying was never a problem for the ones that ended well; we'd both just pay for our own. Thinking back, if she was hesitant about paying or getting smt like tea, then nothing really came out of those dates. But its only 1 drink, so sometimes I'd offer to pay just because I could.