[AM 5.0 + OGSF + noFAP] - A man who stands for nothing will fall for anything

[zen]

“The less you feel you need to protect or defend yourself, the more attractive you will be to other people.”

About me - currently living and working in a country located in the Central Europe for 3 yrs now

This is my second round of AM5.0. The first time I started in February this year, but I stopped after the 5th stage as I wasn't very serious in listening, with days missing. Nonetheless, there were two major effects:
- I joined a Toastmaster club where I discovered how weak communication skills I have and how much I have to improve.
- I went out way more often than the last two years combined. I'm a very shy person, with poor social skills so I'm not an outgoing/popular person. But during the first round, I had so many opportunities to interact with people, it was incredible. Too bad I was so much in my head that I didn't take profit from all the interactions.
- as a secondary effect, I fapped very rarely - almost 3 months of abstinence.

As I mentioned, I stopped the AM 5 because of lack of commitment and because of TM - after one role I was so disappointed that I stopped everything and tried ASC 5G for 2 months - it gave me a serious pump in myself, overall I was more grounded and I believed in my capabilities.

I started the second round of AM5.0 on Sept 22nd and I will finish the stage 1 next week, Oct 23rd.

Objectives during AM5:
1. Toastmasters
- Competent communicator award this year
- 5 speeches to give from the Advanced Manuals until April 2014
- to compete on the next year public speaking competition. This one will be the big challenge and for that I need a solid preparation
- to finish 3/4 from the Competent Leader manual
- to have the courage to speak in the Table Topics session - big challenge as I'm too much into my head and I'm afraid of what others will think
2. Trading
- to win a trading boot-camp place by qualifying in the top 10 traders contest. The broker through which I'm trading has some competitions with interesting prizes, such as this boot-camp
- to educate myself as much as I can in the trading area. I started trading in May this year, with free money capital. I didn't lose anything until now but I must change the approach and be more serious
3. Sport
- to do at least 1 h/week of body shaping session until December and to move to CrossFit next year - 2 sessions per week
- to start taking salsa or zouk dancing lessons
4. Personality (most of the objectives are taken from AM5 product description)
- Exude an aura of confidence, commanding presence and authority, which gets you respect, attention and obedience
- Have released expectations towards women, which often lead to bad choices, actions, attitudes, thinking and responses
- Be your own man, who does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, where he wants
- Develop and display a fantastic sense of humor, which will make you socially popular and attractive to others
- Be entirely comfortable in social situations of any type, whether they are familiar to you or not
- Strong, centered masculinity and masculine presence
- Destruction of laziness
- Social stability, skill and strength
- Self image of man, instead of boy
- to stop fapping
- to improve my creativity
5. Career
- a change has to be done - I still have no idea and I want to have a clear mind of that at the end of the training
6. Foreign Languages
- to learn Czech and German languages - intermediate level - it's possible

Stage 1 Sep 22nd - Oct 23rd
- my self confidence and, consequently, my voice are decreasing. During the ASC 5g I had no one to ask me to repeat what I've just said. Right now, I'm speaking way too softly I can barely hear myself. People are asking me to repeat my words quite often. Hope my voice and confidence will increase toward the end of AM5.
- went to several social activities. Still weak social skills, too much into my head and I hate that. I want to be more easy going, to don't care so much and have fun/live the moment.
- started to go to gym for real - body shaping for 3 months (once or twice per week) until my physical resistance increases and then I'll move to crossfit.
- fapped several times, but during this journal to the end of AM5 I don't want to fap anymore or watch any form of pornography.
- started timidly to learn Czech language by myself. Soon, to start with German.

stage 2 - Oct 24th - Nov 24th
stage 3 - Nov 25th - Dec 26th
stage 4 - Dec 27th - Jan 27th
stage 5 - Jan 28th - Feb 28th
stage 6 - Mar 01st - April 01st

I will do my best to post regularly my progress / impressions / insights. Also, this AM experience will be less about women and more about myself. I don't want to make this experience a chase for women but a chase for my true self, my identity.

A special big thanks for Shannon and his activity!

[zen]

Stage 2, Day 6

I started to listen AM5 only on ultrasonic since the last two days of Stage 1. I find it more convenient during sleep. Also, last Saturday I added OGSF and I'll listen it all the way until I finish AM5.

I think my overall confidence improved quite a bit. I shall test it soon in TM with a speech.

Negatives
- no progress with the cz language
- fapped periodically - damn, I want to stop this but sometimes I have the feeling I lose control of myself.
Positives
- received an unexpected salary increase last week / 2nd of this year
- started an acting course - found it accidentally, I'm sure AM5 pushed me there like it did with joining the TM club
- good progress with trading - received unexpected 200 euros free money for trading
- did one session of body shaping. Today I was thinking and I'll add power yoga as well. So 2 physical sessions per week. Hope in Jan I'll be able to move to crossfit + dynamic fighting + power yoga.
- I was asked to join a mastermind group for preparing speeches for competitions. Don't know if I'll win but I'm happy about this - definitely the progress will be huge.

Plans - I have to be SERIOUS about improving my impromptu speaking technique. I'm 101% sure those who are obliged to improvise and are good at that, have excellent social results outside, in the real life.
- to speak randomly to myself in loud/quiet voice on various topics - 20 min / day

- one lesson of Cz per day
- one session of body shaping + one session of power yoga per week
- continue with trading - education + experience / no monetary target for the moment, only keep a positive balance
- meditation - 30 min/day
- breathing from the balls routine - every morning starting tomorrow
- preparing 6 speeches for TM in Nov - mandatory
- CC level of TM in Nov
- no random Internet browsing - I have to clear / still my mind to visualize my best speeches

This plan will be updated / edited continuously.

[zen]

AM5 Stage 2, Day 15 / OGFS Day 14

It was a tough period. I fapped only once last Friday, then I felt totally miserable 3 days.

Last week-end until yesterday, I had moments of emotional desperation like everything is futile, why am I doing this, it will not count, I will not count. A lot of internal shacking, conflicts, self depreciation. I even wanted to quit Toastmasters and the competition speech I am about to prepare.

I hate that I'm too passive in general, I don't take the initiative/lead when necessary, I'm not pushy to do what it takes and when it takes. Everyone around me feel that, it's normal. I have social opportunities, I cannot complain about this, but I hate the fact that I don't take profit from those interactions / not necessarily with women.

Also, I am too much dependent on what others think of me. Who cares what they think? I can respect them, but I don't have to get soaked in their world.

The only good part, until now, it the fitness side - never in my life I didn't have that drive to go to the gym. This week I'm doing body shapping + cardio box and next week body shapping + crossfit. I feel my overall physical resistance improved a lot.

The others objectives are on track - Czech language, meditation, breathing routine - 6 days/week. I think I reduced the overall Internet browsing - still, there is room to improve. This week-end will be hardcore as I have to prepare the TM speeches - but this is a real must.

Hope things will get smoother. Best days to everyone!

Some motivational stuff that I liked watching these days:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yncJ3_uL18U\

[zen]

AM5 Stage 2, Day 32 - 10 h/day
OGFS Day 31 - 4 h/day
noFAP Day 23

Many things happened since the last post. Happy that OGFS made its presence - pretty powerful.

Positives:
- opened a savings bank account + transfer some money in a couple of minutes. I hate everything related paper work (including the electronic one) and I postponed this action for almost one year. I was literally shocked when I did the necessary steps automatically, without any internal debate.
- the drive to listen subliminals increased a lot in no of hours / day.
- the mental masturbation almost disappeared. Before, I thought at women while going to sleep or in the morning a lot (like fantasies). Now, it's gone and I'm extremely pleased. I still like women but I want to focus all my energy to my personality until the end of AM5.
- less tendency to criticize myself or criticize / gossip others.
- the overthinking drastically reduced. Now, it can happen when someone / event really drives me nuts.
- not fapped for almost one month.
- more and more conscious that the days are passing and I have to do something to live my life to the fullest.
- unaffected too much when I am not invited to events or when I am ignored. It can happen. Before AM5, an ignore made me almost depressed.
- last week at Toastmasters, after almost 2 months of absence, people told me I look so confident while speaking although I was shaking internally. Hope they really mean it and they didn't do this just to encourage me.
- bought airplane tickets + booked hotel for London 1st quarter of 2014. The idea appeared and was executed in 30 min and, again, I was shocked of how rapidly I took action. I will have to visit as much TM clubs as possible in a short period of time. I will go alone which is even better as I will face all my fears in front of unknown audience.

Negatives:
- procrastination - I hate that I am not able to manage my time as I should. I am totally incompetent at doing what I should, instead I am browsing Internet like an idiot or I do other unimportant things. I am losing so much time on totally trashy tasks. I don't know if AM5 will solve this problem, but I really really really need to Overcome my procrastination. Life is passing away, our days are counted. What am I going to leave behind, or what experiences will I have recorded in mind?
- the tendency not to go out sometimes to socialize is increasing slightly. I expect it will balance during the stage 5 or 6.
- still cannot handle/avoid a face to face confrontation - I am nice, I avoid conflict and I prefer to react afterwards. Not good, not good.
- passivity - related to the previous point.

Extremely impressed by this story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NjKgV65fpo
This is what I call living my life to the fullest. When it will happen to go away, all that matters for me is what I experiences I will take and what I will leave behind.

[Benjamin]

Good luck man, first time you do Alpha is a journey to remember. I still have fond memories of when I did the 2011 version.

Nofap makes a big difference, I was doing well but screwed it up 2 nights ago and have low energy the last few days.

Toastmasters is good, I should go back one day. I went for a year or two and my speaking got much better. It even helped me with instructing martial arts because you are essentially in front of a group talking and showing stuff like at Toastmasters.

The only annoying thing is that I was by far the youngest person there most of the time.

-Ben

[zen]

Thanks Ben for your kind words.

I recommend Toastmasters to everyone who wants to develop/improve their communication skills and especially if she/he is shy. It's not easy to stand up for yourself and speak in the table topics session.

Personally, Toastmasters helped me a lot in understanding myself, especially the "dark" side - frustrations, anxieties, worries - and what I need to improve. The feed-back received helped a lot as well. In the club where I'm in, the average age is around 27 so we have a lot in common when chatting. On the other hand, if you are surrounded by older people (presuming they have + 5yrs TM experience) the feed-back received will be valuable and it will accelerate your development. Plus high-quality networking.

EDIT: I decided to stop during AM 5 any form of masturbating, watching pornography or having orgasm to increase my will. Then, I can better control my internal / external reactions and can influence / lead others in one way or the other. To have an authentic form of charisma / presence.

[zen]

AM 5, Stage 3 - Day 11
OGSF - Day 42
noFAP - Day 34

Positives
- I quit the acting class. Not much time to rehearse and to learn all the dialogues. The good news is the way I did it - I was man enough to go other there and speak face to face with the teacher. I looked her in the eyes, no emotions attached. This is a big progress as before when I had a lot of tensions in this kind of situations.
EDIT - the acting class was free of charge. It was to organize a play with some teachers and it required some commitment from my part until June. But they didn't tell me all the details from the beginning and with one teacher we are kind of colleagues in other social gathering. It was kind of win on their side - not such a win on mine. Only memorizing, nothing special. Big plus for me by saying no without caring.
- I noticed this several weeks ago - people respect me more. They are attentive to what I have to say.
- at work, my manager likes me. I was proactive in a natural way and she respects me a lot. Win - win deal so far and no bullshit. She believes in me, she told me last week to to help her with a presentation on a specific topic in a Department meeting in front of my colleagues. I don't know them very well because I don't work with them (I work on projects and my colleagues are in other countries and different teams.) Plus she protects me.
- at Toastmasters, I think I am back on track. Next time, I will not take breaks for 2 months as I will almost lose everything gained so far. My body language, confidence during speaking improved a lot. My voice improved but still it is not as powerful as when I did Deepen your voice Sub. So, I am doing physical exercises to improve my voice as I cannot add another sub right now.
- when smth isn't going the way I wanted or planned, I don't care too much. Waw, I think my attachment on the outcome decreased a lot.
- good progress with competition speech preparation. By quitting the acting stuff, I have more time to work on it and to visit different TM clubs.

Negatives
- big problems with procrastinations and passivity as described in the last posts.
- still kind of shy in front of beautiful women. But, it improved quite a bit compared to previous months.
- extremely afraid of impromptu speeches - smth had to be done and I don't know what. It's a question of mindset. I have to take it in a playful way and to accept being vulnerable in front of an audience.

Next week, I will have 2 speeches in 2 TM clubs. In one of them I've never been before so it will be an opportunity to check how much my confidence improved by facing a new audience.

The way AM5 and OGSF work, I am thinking seriously to continue with AM6.

[zen]

Exercises to improve your voice:

1) OM exercise - twice per day, 10 times each, in the morning/evening:
> inspire the air to your maximum body capacity
> expire the air
- half of it - open your mouth and say - Ooooooooo ....
- the other half - close your mouth and say - Mmmm ....
You don't have to say it too loud. After two weeks you will see some changes. Keep continue afterwards a couple of months - 2 or 3. It takes only 10 min/day.

2) Warm up routine - once per day, to improve the clarity of your voice - follow the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5hS7eukUbQ

As an additional routine, you can follow this as well:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P41ER1Wmkj0

The Shannon's sub to Deepen your Voice is very good. Last summer I noticed results after 2 weeks with an usage of 2 h/day. After one month, extremely few people asked me to repeat what I was saying and my voice was powerful and clear. But I wasn't consistent (10 h/day, 2 - 3 months) to have the results maximized and sticked.

With AM5, without the previous routines, I expect to have an improved at the end of stage 5. But I can't wait so much. So, I will do my best to follow this routine 20 min/day.