Back after a long break - Overcoming Fear

[djl4]

It's been quite a few years since I've run anything here. I've had mixed results. I know they work, and could feel some pronounced effects, but the program I ran previously I think I may have not been ready / in the right place for it and didn't get the transformation I was hoping for. There are a lot of variables. I have a lot of trauma and have dealt with addiction, extreme anxiety and depression, etc. 

For the last year I have been doing Reichian Therapy (body / breathwork) and I am very close to fully releasing some very deep heavy trauma. I got inspired to come back here and see what I could do to improve my life further. At first I fell into a trap of making it all about women, which is an area of my life I set a very high standard for myself which I have yet to get close to, and was going to try to run Women Magnet (I previously ran both Alpha Male 5.0 and Alpha Male 6.0) -- 

However I saw some of Shannon's recent posts and decided I need to be more honest with myself and if I don't get my panic attacks/self acceptance/social anxiety/approach anxiety under control I'm not going to be in a place where I can handle an excess of female attention. I'm still in a place where I'm actively dealing with heavy fear in most areas of my life (although the Therapy has helped a lot)

After some reflection, I decided to run Overcoming Fear and continue with my bodywork practitioner/Psychologist.

I posted this now, because I have had this on for a few hours, and I can say without a doubt this is the perfect Subliminal for me. Already feeling 

Less fear about my job
Less fear about a date I have tonight
Less fear that people won't like me
Less fear of not being alpha enough
Less fear to leave my house and do errands
freed up artistically (This was the most surprising effect -- I am a serious musician and something is markedly different with this Hybrid track playing)

I know this is perhaps a "honeymoon" effect, but I can say without a doubt, this 5.75G is something new entirely. 8 Months here we go.. gonna try to just stick to that and not think too much about what's next..

[Shannon]

It is really something for those who execute. Very few resist this one. I love it, personally. With results like those, I think you will too. It's not always a fun ride, but it is a very valuable, life changing journey for those who execute.

[djl4]

I already feel it working on very deep fears, nothing superficial, but with a Zen like atmosphere which seems to allow fears to release much faster and more safely, and perhaps in the most healthful order. 

It's very physical for me also (although that's kind of where I'm at to begin with because of the therapy work) -- I can feel tensions loosening their grip, particularly in my eyes, face, and jaw. Pretty remarkable. Looking forward to a few weeks from now.

[GreekGod22]

Are you running OFv2 5.75G?

[djl4]

Are you running OFv2 5.75G?

Yes

[djl4]

Its going right to my achilles heel, I'm going to get a bit vulnerable here because that's the only way this journal will be any interesting

Basically I am bisexual but my gay side has never felt quite right to me, and has always come out in ways that are very humiliating/self-harming. This is the lot of the reason I'm in trauma therapy. I want to accept myself, and essentially would like to have normal (or extraordinary) relationships with women. So of course the program is working immediately on "fear of being gay" and everything related to that.

There is a cat and mouse effect happening with the fear and desire. In addressing the fear aspect, all of the other stuff is coming up (desire, shame, guilt, doubt, etc). This morning I felt fairly compulsive and unsteady, but after sitting and doing my breathing, I feel totally free of fear, and also totally free of compulsive desire. They are linked. I called my therapist and we talked about the fear, he basically asserts that the more I can deal with the deeper fears, the more likely I will be free of the harmful sex desire (although he made no promises either which is responsible of him). So this subliminal is quite apropos.

I don't know where I'll end up sexually on the other side of fear but I know it will at least be a lot better. If I want to have a fighting chance of not resisting AM, WM, or SM, I need to make peace with this first most likely.  Or maybe I won't feel the need to run those programs, as my reason for wanting to run them probably comes from deep fear as well. I think only in becoming free from fear can I see what I genuinely want for myself.

[Shannon]

The only thing I can say is, make sure you use the program correctly, and if you have some challenges, make sure you ask for help and suggestions. From your therapist or from us, as appropriate. Also, let your therapist know you're using this program. It may affect how s/he works with you; and if it works well for you, it may be helpful to others for your therapist to know this program exists.

Best wishes on your journey!

[GreekGod22]

@Shannon Could it be possible that certain sexual behaviors or even neediness towards women be because of trauma?
For example, let's say as a child, you caught your parents having sex or other people and you associate sex with hurting women and you end up repressing your sexuality. You subconsciously learn that sex is a bad and violent act. You end up as a man afraid of expressing his sexuality and interest towards women.

[djl4]

The only thing I can say is, make sure you use the program correctly, and if you have some challenges, make sure you ask for help and suggestions.  From your therapist or from us, as appropriate.  Also, let your therapist know you're using this program.  It may affect how s/he works with you; and if it works well for you, it may be helpful to others for your therapist to know this program exists.

Best wishes on your journey!

Will do! Thankyou! The only question I have is 3 loops a day -- Is that maximum or minimum or both? I feel drawn to listen more but if that's no good I will try not to. 

Day 2
Just went grocery shopping and to the coffee shop

- Made deep eye contact with the coffee shop cashier, and asked her how her day was going. I often ask people how their day is going, but it felt like there was nothing holding me back, my gaze was total, and she lit up laughed/smiled. 

- As I sat outside drinking my coffee, a pregnant woman walked up who I was very attracted to, and she kept looking over at me, and I was able to lock eyes with her repeatedly for a few seconds with zero fear. She kept looking over after that. 

- Made strong eye contact with a girl on the street as I walked by and she waived shyly and said hello

- Said hello to a stranger as I passed just because

- Grocery shopping was disorienting because I just felt so at peace, I didn't even want to shop I just wanted to be there and walk around

- Flirted with the grocery store cashier, she came closer to me and we chatted for a minute. There was a definite attraction between us but I felt unsure about it so didn't push it. It did feel like if I was more sure, I could have. I can always go back I suppose

-It feels like I'm not thinking about WHAT to say at ALL, and I don't care if it's awkward, and both cashiers responded to that by making more conversation w me. This is very unusual for me because I'm super cerebral and think before acting usually (which stops me from acting). It seems that my body's tension response to perceived threat is much much reduced. 


Not bad for my first trip outside the house using this sub    Wow. I know I'm in that "honeymoon" as I said before but, it is definitely something. Once I get used to this my posts will be less frequent. Keep in mind I've been doing affirmations about attracting women for a couple weeks (which I've now stopped) so some of this may be spillover from that. But they weren't working until I started this sub because the tension/resistance in my body was very strong.  

[djl4]

@Shannon  Could it be possible that certain sexual behaviors or even neediness towards women be because of trauma?
For example, let's say as a child, you caught your parents having sex or other people and you associate sex with hurting women and you end up repressing your sexuality. You subconsciously learn that sex is a bad and violent act. You end up as a man afraid of expressing his sexuality and interest towards women.

I'm not Shannon, and I'd be interested to hear him chime in, but from my vantage point -- Definitely. Absolutely. I've had to work through a lot of this in myself and still am. If you can release the trauma, the content of the desires shifts towards something healthier. I've observed it happening in myself but I have more work to do.

[Shannon]

@Shannon  Could it be possible that certain sexual behaviors or even neediness towards women be because of trauma?
For example, let's say as a child, you caught your parents having sex or other people and you associate sex with hurting women and you end up repressing your sexuality. You subconsciously learn that sex is a bad and violent act. You end up as a man afraid of expressing his sexuality and interest towards women.

Let's first analyze what you used as an example.  I'm going to presume this is your situation, but if it's not, then take this for what it is worth.

You say you caught parents or someone else having sex, and associated it with hurting women, and you "subconsciously learn that sex is a bad and violent act".

There is a point to bring up here.  To learn something, it must be true.  It is only possible to conclude something if it is not true.  You cannot "learn" that sex is bad, if it's not; you can conclude, based on either misunderstanding or faulty logic, that it is bad.

Sex is what you make it.  You can use sex to do harm, and you can use sex to express the deepest and most intimate of love.  You can use sex to manipulate, and you can use sex to come together to create a life out of deep love between the participants.  Saying that "sex is bad" is about like saying that "light is green".  

So in this case, if we are dealing with your situation, what you're really saying is this:

For example, let's say as a child, you caught your parents having sex or other people and you [came to] associate sex with hurting women and you end up repressing your sexuality. You subconsciously [misunderstand and conclude] that sex is a bad and violent act. You end up as a man afraid of expressing his sexuality and interest towards women.

Now that we have re-framed this accurately, you may see this differently.  The issue isn't that sex is bad.  The issue is that you had experiences that introduced you to sex in a way that, without previous understanding, you may have misunderstood or misinterpreted.  Concluding that "sex is bad" is a sweeping generalization based on very limited knowledge and understanding, and ALL SWEEPING GENERALIZATIONS ARE FALSE.

All cars are ____.  This is only true if you say they're all cars.
All men are ____.  This is only true if you say they're all men.
All (pick your anything) are ___.  This is again, only true if you say they are the thing they are.

Now to answer your original question:

@Shannon  Could it be possible that certain sexual behaviors or even neediness towards women be because of trauma?

Absolutely.  In fact that is quite common.  If you, for example, caught your father having sex with your babysitter and your mother found out and responded with "I'm hurt by this" signals, you might associate sex with cheating, betrayal, infidelity, "bad", and hurting mom (females?), if the "you" who is experiencing that is young enough that the ability to think logically is not well developed, and or you have a personality that tends to be more of an emotional thinker than a logical thinker, and or you have no previous experience of sex to use to frame the experience.

The trauma of said situation would be even more if you were taught that women are helpless delicate flowers and they should be treated with kindness and consideration, and then you caught your father engaged in rough BDSM sex with said babysitter, doing things that would normally be associated with hurting someone else.  

It would be enhanced even further if you were very young and had very limited ability to understand what was going on based on your development and lack of previous experience to contextualize the things you saw.

If all you know of sex is one traumatic experience, that you associate with hurting people, and you're maybe 3 or 4 years old (could be other ages too, but for example), then you're going to likely be traumatized by that experience, which will produce intense negative emotions, which will cause that experience to crystallize within you, and because it crystallizes, it becomes a central focus for how you respond in the future in an effort to protect yourself and others from having that experience again.

If your father was choking her out while slapping her face, screaming obscenities at her and fucking her roughly - because she liked and was sexually aroused by being treated that way - she may be enjoying and even getting off on it, at the same time you may have concluded that it was "hurting her".

[djl4]

Had a ZOOM music rehearsal for my job today (which I generally do not like much at all) but I felt so relaxed from the sub that I enjoyed it, and made friends with a fellow singer who I was never really all that social with. He also asked me for piano lessons

[Aventus45]

Seems like the sub has hit the ground running already. Can’t wait to be on this sub.

[djl4]

Day 3

Woke up in a lot of resistance, did some breath work and reached a place where I felt relatively free from fear, and so I went outside to enjoy a coffee.

Like many of us, I've been mostly inside this year, so I'm trying to make a new effort to go outside at least once a day just to enjoy the spring weather. I had a nice time. I drank coffee, people watched, and worked on some music in my head.

I definitely felt significantly less fear in a totally general sense. A zen like freedom, enjoying my own company. The only thing in my way is a kind of strong expectation that women should be checking me out, or that I should be approaching, talking to them. This is really making me suffer at the moment. Some girls sat down next to me, and were looking over at me but I just didn't want to engage. It didn't seem to be a matter of fear for me in that moment. Another woman walked by that I was actually really interested in, but she didn't really give me any signals so I decided not to engage. So in the second instance it was perhaps fear of making a fool of myself. But I think since it's only Day 3 (lol) I need to be gentle around the topic of women and dating and perhaps just let the program do it's thing. My brain may be a bit confused from me switching from Woman Magnet Affirmations to the Fear Sub.

I don't like feeling so needy for attention from women, and I want to be able to live my life to the full and enjoy my own company. I still have a lot of fear that "I'm never going to figure out the secret to women" and that I need to DO something or I'll never get it. At some point this may be true, massive action may be required to achieve certain changes, but I think that mindset is actually getting in my way at this point in time.

In the absence of fear (or much less), I am noticing my other emotions more, most notably that I am lonely and a bit depressed. I don't think I could even feel it before because my panic was so strong. So I feel this burning need to rectify my situation, which is good, but patience is key.

I have to regulate my expectations, be honest with myself, and be patient. These are things that are difficult for me, but I have learned from therapy to some extent. The nature of the mind seems to be to lack appreciation for the major changes already happening, and moving on to suffering about what I don't have.

I have been thinking about how I can best allow the program to do it's work, and this is what I came up with. (My 5 commandments?).

1. Continue Reichian Breathwork
2. Go outside and explore, or socialize each day
3. Keep pushing for progress in both the little things (cleaning my house, organizing, working out, etc.) and the big things (my music, my job, my well being, etc.)
4. Avoid conflicting mind programming
5. Play the program as per instructions.