Magnus' journal

[Magnus]

Thanks Shannon, Ryan and Spiral. Appreciate the feedback. I had a quick browse through it and ill have a good read a bit later on. At the moment I go down to a cafe everyday for lunch while i'm at work, go to the gym by myself, go to a mens group once a week, catch up for coffee with mates once a week and head out at night once a week on average. I suppose that's not to bad actually and at the cafe I quite often have random people mainly girls come sit for lunch.

Anyway so just after writing that last night I had two different groups of friends invite me out at the same time. So I went to the ones that I thought there would be more of an opportunity to socialize. I found last night I could get quite in the moment chatting which was a big change and even though I still didn't talk a lot I met quite a few new people. There was also this girl there with her boyfriend and she would not stop flirting with me (Not that that's a bad thing). I was doing nothing to pursue I was hardly talking to her. So then I left next thing I know I get a message from her (She must have got my number off one of my mates) saying 'hows the hair? by the way you're hot'. Actually made me feel pretty good as I hadn't heard that in a while.

[Ryan]

Jimbo, that is actually quite impressive. I don't really go out on my own much anymore, though I want to, I just don't have the money to go out to eat much or get a drink at the bar. But it's all about having a good time for yourself.

And that is a great story See, you're doing just fine. I dont' really like clubs or bars as much anymore. And if you're into that, look into David Wygant. You don't have to go all crazy with his methods or philosophy or anything. But he's a great guy for natural game in every day places. He uses his environment to start random conversations with people based upon what they are doing. Like at the super market, starting random conversations on apples lol.

Ryan

[Magnus]

Cheers ryan. I got to look at it as progress is progress. Just got to continue on my journey.

Thanks man ill have a look into him.

So I slept with the girl from saturday night last night and it all seemed really easy and natural once i went to her place. I feel a little ashamed of myself because i did lower my standards and shes not what im looking for in a girl looks wise but at the time it seemed fun and its some extra experience. I suppose as i continue down AM and into SM as well as continue working out the girls i attract will get better looking. The scary thing was there was zero effort on my part

[Magnus]

So a lot of insecurities coming up as well. A lot around women, life in general, not reaching my potential.

To be a little more specific. Around women I've had thoughts around i'm not good looking enough, i'm not confident enough, that girl I got on Saturday night is the best I will get, I really know nothing about attracting women. Life in general I get this feeling that I am a boy trapped in a mans body like I haven't grown up yet. Not reaching my potential is more around the fact that I have always been told I have all this potential and I see it in very short glimpses every now and then but I've always worried so much about other things to ever completely reach that potential, Also thoughts have been popping up around why I aren't I doing more with my life when I have an IQ of 130 and a knack for business.

So to sum up have hit a bit of resistance as I do at the start of every stage so far. Its alright I know its resistance and I know it will pass.

So I've been weighing up either doing Gratitude or seize the day with stage 5 and 6. I can see the advantages of both for where I need to get to seize the day for help reaching my potential and gratitude for getting past the depression and anxiety. I will wait and see how the rest of this stage goes and make a choice from there.

[Shannon]

Have you ever seen a newborn horse try to walk for the first time? It has to try to stand up... and then it takes a few steps, each one unsteadily... and then it gets how these leg things work.

You're going through a similar process.This major transition in your life has you now trying to figure out how to stand up and use your newfound legs. The first steps are uncertain... moments of surprise and pride in your success... perhaps a little bit of doubt afterwards.... and as time goes by, they will become more and more sure and certain, and then you will expect them and take them for granted.

That's why it sometimes requires multiple run-throughs of AM. It's not a minor thing this program is doing in your life.

[Magnus]

Cheers shannon,

Makes sense. Its been a rough ride so far especially with everything else going on in my life as well. Come to think of it thay gril may have been below my standards for what I usually go for but I usually put in a lot of effort and this time there was none also I found I was easily very sexually aggressive.

Its also amazing when I look back to the start before my journey I was acting all confident but wasnt confident at all and probably came across as quite a try hard at times. Still waiting on that genuine self confidence that I think I started to touch on at the end of stage 2 but thats cool. I will definately be doing a few run throughs of AM but want to do stop smoking and achieve your ideal weight at some point to as well as a few run throughs of SM. Haha

[Shannon]

One step at a time.

[Magnus]

Haha I will be taking it one step at a time just far to many choices

Anyway I seem to have hit a plateau in my weight loss and I know a few here have lost some weight in the past so am looking for some tips or advice in this area

[Spiral]

Watch what you eat. and ride your bike once or twice a week and work out and build some muscle. But I'm only speaking for myself because I've done a good job of maintaining my weight over the years.

[Magnus]

Thanks spiral. Should have mentioned what im doing at the moment. Im at the gym 4-6 days a week for 1.5 hours including 10 minutes on cross trainer at high intensity and weights for the rest of the time.

I have cut out all mochas and switched to long blacks. I eat rolled oats for breakfast with protien shake added, then salad and chicken sandwiches for lunch with egg yolk mayonaise, then salad and meat for dinner. My one vice is I drink a few in the weekend.

[Shannon]

Your eating schedule is good, and what/when is good. Try to avoid eating anything within 2-3 hours of going to bed, too. Protein and salad can be stored also, if you are not active enough that your body has something else to do with them.

[Magnus]

Ill try to make sure I dont eat to late from now on. Gets a littlw tricky when I dont gwt home till 8:30 some evenings.

On the plus side not long after posting this I weighed myself and I had just broke below my plateau of 90kg

[Magnus]

So been feeling quite strong and stable within myself the last couple of days a feeling like my life is starting to get back on track. Its been so long since I can remember feeling like this and i'm quite enjoying it. I've even been initiating the odd random conversation with people at the cafe I go to each day

Still trying to weigh up what to add on after i've finished stage 4 i'm leaning more towards seize the day at the moment as motivation is still not where I want it to be.

[Magnus]

So while i was feeling quite strong a few days ago. The last couple of days ive felt really lonepy and like i need to be around people but at the same time didnt really want to be. That also bought up alot of thoughts around my ex which i havent had for weeks now. Ive been listening to let go of past relationships for the last five weeks as well which may be part of the reason thoughts around her are coming up.

On the plus side weight loss is going well and ive lost another kg in the last week