06-10-2023, 09:23 AM
Day 91
This week, I noted in my offline journal that I feel like I'm on the cusp of freedom. I still have a hump within myself to get over, but it's in progress. I'm coming face to face with fears, inadequacies, and things that I flat out don't like about myself. The odd thing is that they're subtly revealing themselves to me. I'm not having any huge 'aha' moments or anything like that. I'm just noticing them in subtle ways. In fact, they're so subtle and fleeting that I've started writing them down on scrap paper as I notice them. And I'm at peace with myself enough that I can allow myself to ponder these things that I fear and dislike without any internal backlash.
Once again, Duke has hit the nail on the head in his latest journal entry. I'm already experiencing some of these things. The valleys aren't nearly as low. But the peaks aren't nearly as high either. I don't get the same charge I used to get from the victories in my work. I'm almost becoming bored with it. There are some books I'd like to read to help me boost my efficiency at work. Why? Because I want to get the same amount done, but to be able to spend more down time. I'm finding that I really enjoy quiet time alone. It helps me to "sink" into myself and explore my mind. I know that probably comes across as cryptic and weird, but it's about the best that I can put it.
Up to this point, I feel like Maverick has stripped me down so that I can't hide from myself. But I don't want to hide from myself. I want to see what's under the rocks and in the cracks & crevices. I feel exposed, but it's not uncomfortable. It's interesting.
I feel really good about where I'm going. It's uncharted territory, which is part of the fun.
This week, I noted in my offline journal that I feel like I'm on the cusp of freedom. I still have a hump within myself to get over, but it's in progress. I'm coming face to face with fears, inadequacies, and things that I flat out don't like about myself. The odd thing is that they're subtly revealing themselves to me. I'm not having any huge 'aha' moments or anything like that. I'm just noticing them in subtle ways. In fact, they're so subtle and fleeting that I've started writing them down on scrap paper as I notice them. And I'm at peace with myself enough that I can allow myself to ponder these things that I fear and dislike without any internal backlash.
Once again, Duke has hit the nail on the head in his latest journal entry. I'm already experiencing some of these things. The valleys aren't nearly as low. But the peaks aren't nearly as high either. I don't get the same charge I used to get from the victories in my work. I'm almost becoming bored with it. There are some books I'd like to read to help me boost my efficiency at work. Why? Because I want to get the same amount done, but to be able to spend more down time. I'm finding that I really enjoy quiet time alone. It helps me to "sink" into myself and explore my mind. I know that probably comes across as cryptic and weird, but it's about the best that I can put it.
Up to this point, I feel like Maverick has stripped me down so that I can't hide from myself. But I don't want to hide from myself. I want to see what's under the rocks and in the cracks & crevices. I feel exposed, but it's not uncomfortable. It's interesting.
I feel really good about where I'm going. It's uncharted territory, which is part of the fun.