(03-25-2016, 06:01 AM)Sickologist Wrote: That's the first step, to admit that you are getting in your own way. Self sabotage is the single most common reason why guys aren't getting laid. It's not that they lack game or looks, it's a perfect cop out to think this. So now that you have identified that, what are you going to do about it?

Before I understood this myself, I was basically getting into 2 types of situations with girls. This was in art school.

1. Being over-the-top loud and aggressive just to get attention and validation. They say assholes get laid and I was a dumb kid barely scratching the surface. I was more concerned with being percieved as badass than actually getting laid. People thought I was a player, other guys feared me because I'm good looking. I only got laid if I was wasted or the girl initiated sex.

2. Awkward, shy and timid conversations with girls who were cute and inexperienced. They wanted to be my girlfriend. I tried to have sex with them, but they kept holding back. No timid girls for the Sickologist. You can't play boyfriend role and suddenly turn aggressive.

The root of all this; below average self image. In the years prior to college, lots of girls were expressing interest in me, but there was always some kind of excuse.

Fix your self image, and say **** it whenever you talk to girls. You probably don't have to take the hard route at this point. Just focus on actually getting laid, it's the most simple idea ever. And if you ever feel a subconcious urge to pussy out again, remember that she would **** uglier guys than you.

(03-25-2016, 04:48 PM)essy Wrote: Just read something on theredpill sub-reddit that spoke to me. It's HERE if you're interested, but I'll summarize it for you. This guy was a dating coach who met a lot of late bloomers. I lost my V at 25 so I can relate. He talks how a number of these guys put in the work to become successful with women yet remained unfulfilled. He argues that this is because not getting laid was part of a bigger problem which is that these guys have never been on top of the social hierarchy. I never looked at it this way, but I have certainly felt and continue to feel a hole in my life (which this article has helped me to define) from the absence of being a social winner.

In grade school I was teased and bullied for being overweight, and in high school my popularity on a scale of 1-10 never exceeded a 6. At best, I have been at the top of the pecking order of a group of betas. The OP also talks about how it can be challenging once you're out of school to join the in crowd or create one that you rank highly in, and I can relate to that too. The people I know who were popular in the past still participate in some form of those social circles. And that history has informed their character. I've spent my 20s rebuilding myself, which puts me in a unique position, but I don't have those connections or experiences to draw upon.

Let's be real here. We are talking about social validation. We can argue about how a real man should generate validation from within, but we are human beings. Social animals that fall into a hierarchy whether we like it or not, and our place in it determines to an extent how we are treated and what benefits we enjoy.

The OP offers no suggestions on how to build up a social presence or reconcile a past of social estrangement. It's hard to relate to people when you don't have those experiences to draw upon. I need to work on this. Any suggestions?