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+--- Thread: ASC 5g journal (/Thread-ASC-5g-journal)
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-20-2016
Again lots of changes going on personality wise and mentally wise.
I can barely think straight at this point due to overwhelm. Slightly foggy but feeling extremely confident right now.
Yesterday this girl was constantly eyeing me, it was so obvious till the point she tried to hide it. Went into my head.
Another woman did wink and all i did was smile like "yeah, i know whats happening, wink"
Im experiencing an reduction in trying to find signs. Im not interested anymore. It seems so....insignificant. Its throwing me back on myself and give me an bigger sense of liberation and freedom. An knowing.
Im feeling intense.
Its the kind of stage aswell that stuff gets less obvious to me or atleast, the changes are so big im totally letting the sub run it. I may look back after a few days and the changes will be massive and obvious, I can tell. My desire to journal seems to reduced aswell. But now the sub is totally interfering and I dont know, pushing me to live life totally? It feels like tumbling over the edge.
Lots of neediness is reduced and im claiming my reality. I have strong impulses to want rapport and an increase in fearlessness. Its not consistent. Im also more about manifesting it instead of just keeping it in my head. IOIs are everywhere but how much does this matter? it can lead someone into an state of "going in my head overanalyzing" let the sub run its course.
As I go to therapy for ptsd issues, my therapist had this spark in her eyes and was seeking strongly eye contact, did touch on purpose and rubbed her feet against my leg. Again, this can be my own interpretation, because its an therapist and her profession. if so, fine. Its what it is. words dont match up with bodylanguage. Its all coming together, its all coming round.
I experience less guilt and regret. I just doesnt get to me.
Im still tired which indicates changes. Whatever,
RE: ASC 5g journal - apollolux - 01-20-2016
"Words don't match up with body language"
Yea, this is definitely something from ASC. I've experienced it a lot during my listening, people's actions not jiving with what they say. It was the primary source of my frustration with them, especially my one-itis. As always, it's up to you how to respond to it.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-21-2016
- ASC seem to dig up beliefs like layers and then deal with it.
- I do not care about when I make eye contact. its just there, increasing, happening, like it never has been different.
- the not offend is met with an strong opposite reaction, thus it is slowly dealt with.
- I become an seduction machine. yesterday my mind only was revolving around sex and my whole body was vibrating because of it. It was like an train out of control, no inhibitions whatsoever. Should I be at an club everything would break lose. Im absolute sure in myself.
- ASC deals with deeper stuff then it did, even if Im feeling very calm there are hints there is something underlying that aswell.
- I get even more aware of patterns of external validation seeking, agreement and what not. I have thoughts of being beyond everyone.
- Im thinking about other peoples behaviour. I experience still old patterns from myself even after 44 days. Minding that I am not even half way 96 days.
- ASC communicates symbolic aswell, or atleast, I see ASC working like some sort of driller, some sort of oilspot penetrating and working through. aswell as some tentacles. The subconscious is interesting.
- At times I have thoughts that I am somehow influencing the sub or interfere to much.
- i experience something synchronizing at times.
Im feeling amazing right now. Some slight pressure is going on in my head and body and my mind slips into seduction often.
had some discussion with friends over putting woman/girls on an pedestal. The discussion didnt make sense at all as to why one would do it to me on an level. Im aware of some selfdoubt right now and how I sould just set the frame.
Ultrasonic is playing currently. Sleepphones have been ordered.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-21-2016
I have an very short fuse right now. people all feel off, walking in my way. I cant stand myself right now and experience lots of anger. I cant hold much eye contact now and slight things are pissing me off. Im also questioning my drive for running this sub and what purpose. All is laid down under this scope. Im feeling utterly stuck amidst an ocean on some pond. People just generally piss me off currently, im snappy, all they do piss me right off, including myself while having no replacement at all for what would be the right way. Im slightly apathic and its as if something has snapped. My whole body feels tense and itchy and am tired. maybe its all losing the value i once gave it.
Done for today. The anger is real.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-22-2016
day 45
Experienced yesterday evening truly abundant mindset which was brought over in everything, I saw the world through another lense in terms of girls, jobs, carreer. It showed me that when one has an abundance mindset, it doesnt matter at all., Right now Im barely up for journalling because i am feeling content. I still shift states but being contect and accepting, aswell as not needy makes me feel sexual and just naked hahaha
Im thinking about how much my old behaviour was because of pleasing, guilt, remorse, shame and the what not. but now its all fine. I am confident and overflowing. Also, embrace tension, ride it! dont avoid it, accept it. its awesome when making eye contact and makes it real. Its all what it is. No more words needed. Im feeling lot less inhibited by blocks and resistance and limitations. I am this and it is what it is for now. Its an flow of direct action, an losing it all = gain it all kind of way. There is nothing to lose.
My eye contact is still fluctuating at times for reasons unsure, covert beliefs maybe, upbring and the such. accepting it is not perfect seem somewhat key. I dont need external permission from people.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-23-2016
day 46
Lots of feelings and emotions coming up once again. sadness, annoyance, slightly anti-social, bit of headfog. I also have again old patterns of slight social anxiety going on. Everything sets me slightly off once again. I dont know if i have an desire to social today, but its like going and not going are equal. Attitudes, thoughts, something says me there is an release going on right now but i mis some direction maniesting in internal screamfest.
feeling slightly confrontional aswell. Im aware that here is still some resistance to not dirupt to much while on the other hand my head screams burn it all.
attitude changes to more entitlement and self assurance
Edit: Im feeling really confident right now and there is nothing i cant do. This state happens more and more and is quite powerfull. An sense of self-image is to be further developed. Im feeling like an new me right now. Its over, done. this is it. Nothing to add to this but to reach new hights. It feels a bit dreamy at times but absolutely certain and sure about this. My whole body is buzzing right now. Im feeling really energized aswell. ASC targets everything. Again, self-image and sense of self and personality.
What this sub also seems to do is triggering some interest towards other subs, OF, OGSF, DAOS, AM 6.0 and BASE have gotten my attention while running this sub. Interesting.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-24-2016
Again, more is digged up. Im rethinking the people i hang with and how one just pisses me off currently. I called off to hang out just to do some personal things, but the guy keeps asking If I will hang out. Its an matter of time before the sub will override the inhibitions that surface. Like, wasnt I being clear or something. It feels pretty disrespectfull and testing. Im done, I dont care about the outcome or if I come off rude now.
Its killing me inside how Im holding myself back of this due to irrational outcome. I lived without them before so why do I get hung up on this? There is stuff to be dealt with and currently be dealt with. I feel it.
Further more my voice has gotten deeper. Today i saw the sub in action around people and it was refreshing to see how much it influences behaviour and subconscious communication around people. Its getting more obvious.
Im gravitating towards cutting out substances like coffee and rejoining the gym. Im feeling really attractive today aswell.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-25-2016
day 48
Slept with sleepphones last night and had an strong lucid dream. I cant recall it fully but it was some sort of hostile take over involving high positioned people. I did disobey. the dream was filled with lots of symbolism, mockery and Insurance stuff, aswell as eating icecream and an blackcar on some offroad scenario.
Today was pretty busy in terms of changes. Lots came up and turned me pretty beta at work including all kind of avoidance behaviour. Guess it took an break before this could manifest, like some sort of over exposure to make it click. I simply don't care. I could let go more easy then before, or atleast, the significance inpact was clearly reduced since last time this happened although i still feel tension in my body. Fuck this past upbring and programming. Did make me look into AM 6.0 and did seriously consider it soon. Not going to overthink this or overanalyze it.
It clicked when i read that an dip in confidence is hinting towards resolving deep issues and changes.
It took 4 hours to resolve it and now I have an huge subconscious shift which shows big external changes. the girl behind the checkout loved prolonged eye contact and begun to explain how she had an long day and what not, forgot stuff in my presence. Other peoples eyes met and were instant smiles. people love it, this shift is great.
- My eye contact since the shift has also increased and prolonged. It caught me by suprise. Its endless almost now without having something behind it.
My attitude has changed, including cutting down crap instantly.
- overt responses from other people including the deer in the headlight.
- my caring to stuff has been reduced ( needyness? approval? ) and im less caring if people resapond. its normal now. questioning apologetic and explaining. Just no.
- dont hide sexuality. be blatantly projecting it in conversation. it makes some woman light up. ( they feel state )
- im more aggressive and hostile in my presence, less walk over and more trembling upon.
Right now the ultrasonic is playing and I feel the internal changes happening. I feel powerfull and outgoing.
- the responses are more clearly drawn towards me, such as attraction and people fuzzling over their words, making mistakes and all in my presence.
- way stronger sense of self, of being male, and my own reality.
- glimpse of reduction in care and just eject from it. like fine, dont care, bye. your annoying.
It doesnt matter in the end when having abundance mindset. for one girl 10 others are attracted to me. its this scarcity that i see in an friend of mine who just cant cut the ties. its unhealthy. making an woman your reality is unhealthy and causes dependence. I cant stand it, even not in myself. Today was an "in my head day"kind of day, with observed patterns aswell. Experience = experience = growth. It doesnt matter
Im thinking aswell as being in the presence of femininity causes growth in oneself in one way or another.
Im thinking about standards and get way more selective into what kind of woman i want to be with. My sexuality seem to have been hidden for long and I want it back. I more overtly am selecting. No porn anymore. Bring it in presence of woman instead. Nice experiment. Sometimes the sub make my standards go sky rocket causing lots to fall off. many have become "meh", not feeling it. Still wobbly. Planning to let the sub run its course. It has suprised me more then once and changed me for the better overal. Its great.
Edit: im thinking aswell as to how it is put in many heads that "the girl is an keeper" and the somehow lesser role of males. Its utter bullshit. Beggars are no choosers. Its an whole other ballgame. Its fine to set and have standards, even if it is very high. Its being content, putting yourself first. My guess its in my case stemming from there, from girls being somehow "special" and what not, having an untouchable status, putting me in an very dysfunctional position due loads of negative and crap programming. Its societal programming, an strong one that is but not something that cant be undone.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-26-2016
day 49
Sleepphones are effective. I woke up sharp, sure and confident, and looked attractive when looking in the mirror.
Yesterday evening neediness seemd to be reduced and weeded out and im calm today. More certain. I dont need her. It doesnt make sense to. Its liberating. Im having an clearer sense of self. Selective. Aswell did read of attraction triggers in females and to what they respond to. It was very enlightening. primal, but enlightening.
Note down that there are defense mechanisms be replaced by ASC/confidence eventually.
Raw feelings are coming up, its an re-occuring theme of neediness that surfaces. I feel as if I am amidst an collapse of some cardhouse. Eventually the sub will win out but this is raw, painfull, depressing, confusing and overwhelming. Lots of crap is coming up and I am wondering how much more there is that will surface. Overal looming sadness, reverting to old ways and feeling stuck again, irrational fears going on. I only want to sleep. One pattern i recognize is an resisting and clinging towards thoughts. fighting thoughts and wanting to feel good. yesterday I had an glimpse as to why this is plain bullshit even and why embracing the negative is tied to confidence. Its like some sort of delusional belief in my head that keeps strifing for preservance or something, while the reality of it al might be an raw ecstacy. It might be the reason that i want to run AM 6.0 soon, it could aswell be an way to avoid this all as otherwise I'm like "keep running the sub as it does " Its getting more clear. stuff is cleared out, and the sub may push me in unexpected directions. Like this overwhelming risk taking and flow. its all shreds really thats going on now. The sub will kill it all off. It makes it all surface and face over again until it is dealt with, like full in my face and intense, to lose its power afterwards and let it go like an balloon. The re-experience and giving new options, subtle and not so subtle. Bit like tidal waves. Its what it is.
Im in an massive conflict right now. It feels really dragging and endless. really, all seems purposeless at this point and yet parts of me keep clinging. Im also playing this all down it seems. massive resistance.
Edit: Im seeing now how much this nice guy patterns dont make sense at all. I see them surface as just that, crap. Could be because im getting slightly anti-social, but whats the point in being all nice and shit? It doesnt make sense and all, im slowly dissolving it. The raw nature of seks and being honest to one self. Why giving so much a shit about it? I had several glimpses before. It feels this confidence, this sense is covered or something. I want to break through these nice guy patterns. I dont care.
For those watching vampire diaries or heard about it ; its an bit like shutting off your humanity switch. which brings me to an commanding and dominating attitude which ties in all of this. Not to say I may have turned 180 degrees in about an month or so again. Its more solid.
Edit 2: eventually the sub will break through no matter what, like now. It doesnt make sense to have people always like you. to give up your space because of it shows no character. It doesnt matter. next. ASC replaces, weeds out, brings up and resolves. It will turn out okay afterwards no matter how dark it gets. It definitely polarizes and make one ascent above it eventually. An deeper secure sense of self. Remember, you will outgrow them eventually. these experiences are experiences. The sub will cover this. keep going/listening. peoples opinions dont matter. wanting to be liked comes from an needy mindset. Fuck that. be hated! Disliked. laugh at it. go into it for fun and giggles. tension and smirk.
I even hear mysteries voice in my head now ; "It doesnt matter"| Its the value one places at other peoples opinions. How much one gets affected by it. Makes sense. I have an no care abundance mindsdet now and am shifted into being okay with it.
Off to work.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-27-2016
day 50
Woke up sharp. had multiple dreams again. One involved prolonged eye contact with an girl for 10 second + in an experimental way.
Again, feeling some anxiety going on but it makes sense in some way. Slight sadness and low feelings, not really tired, little headfog. Its like hitting an wall. Conflicting.
Im interested in dressing myself better.
had thoughts pop up yesterday how woman hate weak men which gave an boost in confidence. it makes sense. Also how an alpha walks away and dont need woman, not out of apathy but abundance and that wanting to change is an act of beta-ness and self preservance. Its game over really.
had some thougts over dominance and seem to take that role more and more. there is still limitations over "offending the crowd"and other horrid programming. Could be because something deep is hit right now as I have had several occasions of momentum in which it doesnt matter and I invite all and it doesnt get to me. It annoys me what is popping up right now. makes me feel somewhat powerless and in struggle. Had an strong reduction yesterday in neediness. sense of self and understand being "man"skyrocketed. Like being the cornerstone in the relation and the non neediness but abundance thinking. almost traditional. Real division between gender-roles.
My standards went up. The reduction of neediness has made me wake up from an sort of dream, like some magic ( needyness ) was shattered. It didnt had that specialty any longer and it felt liberating so to say, aswell as setting myself in an clearer self position. This is really great to realize as it gives an huge boost in confidence and attraction towards myself and gives advantage.
Even resistance seem to be less significant now.
I do have thoughts of high rank positions and militant positions.
I also am counting back from day 96 now. like "day 50, 46 days left" and I might even extent it.
Feeling annoyed. Im all over the place mentally and emotionally.
Listening to Milo Yiannopoulos and his social circle stuff of female freinds and made me realize once again how social circle is everywhere really and right before my eyes now. It throws all upside down. Its not really about offending people, its more about realizing how it just doesnt make sense at all.
Had some insight that I still seem to avoid through mental activities, instead of letting the sub alone and do its thing.
Internal change reflecting in perspective and outlook. Before i would have hangups around words having value and what not, but its pretty funny how people fall over it now and throwing mud to eachother. Just an self remark and note. Changes are happening, and realize confidence.
Im theorizing how the subs digs up through deeper levels and the subconscious is like that, thats why the same issues/structures/patterns surface and are dig up. Its not from my experience "issue comes up - dealt with with - over"well, not exactly like that, But more that the same issues may be on several deep levels and ASC definitely deals with it. Better acknowledge and accept that, It spreads like oil/wildfire inside, deeper and deeper, through the mind.
The thought to shed some light in groups is appealing, guess its the involving quality instead of bystander, the taking lead.
The ultrasonic plays.
RE: ASC 5g journal - LionKing - 01-27-2016
Ha, I was just thinking about where ASC leads, into what kind of a personality, and I thought of some motivational speakers. Like Tony Robbins, or Elliot Hulse from youtube. Then I come on the forum and I'll have to read your last posts twice just because they're so motivating!
Great idea about counting the days backwards!
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-28-2016
(01-27-2016, 10:50 AM)LionKing Wrote: Ha, I was just thinking about where ASC leads, into what kind of a personality, and I thought of some motivational speakers. Like Tony Robbins, or Elliot Hulse from youtube. Then I come on the forum and I'll have to read your last posts twice just because they're so motivating!
Great idea about counting the days backwards!
Thank you.
Its interesting how listening to Tony Robbins throws me massively into an resistance state, like, I can barely listen to him right now.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-28-2016
day 51 ( 45 days remain + ? )
Im feeling really calm right now but focussed and well collected right now. No doubt the sub is working on the background as i sense it still.
One thought that popped up was "all should be discussed no matter what"throwing me naked and in the open of debate and what not. Im picky still to where I will put my attention to and can become quite cocky.
I view myself as some roman/greek statue aesthetic kind off. Unsure if it makes sense but I gravitate towards that. I am ever changing. opposing myself even more towards neediness. Liberating it is. Did start yesterday some economic discussion. My mind is changing, growing, questioning, developing and moving beyond. Dont fill your brain with all kind of ideas, Ignite it instead. ofcourse there may be philosophic gravitations, It all open field.\
My anxiety is litterally gone now. It clicks directly and removes whatever may pop up creating an gap to be honest, shattering. People like it, I like it. It triggers me somewhat into an seduction state aswell with strong escalation impulses, but when in the presence of woman its like that, almost an flock or something, no neediness whatsoever, putting me in the centre. hard to explain. An sort of disconnection and change in order.
Other times I appear very reserved but my eye contact is very intense.
My self capability is unshakable yet I notice how people all think in limitations. "well thats an big step isnt it?" its really small thinking, lacking vision. I can do anything i want. there is nothing that stops me. Why creating "such small things while able to dream big and get it? While not setting your self up for excellence and full trust in your own capabilities. The sub also set my attention to what is relevant and seems to block (?) out other stuff? Putting me on some productive road. ASC seem to remove all blocks and create an abundance mindset and lifestyle. Its liberating to dismiss and being able so, fully trusting in yourself.
Im reading Lionkings journal and the similarities are obvious for me. Same developments going on, lots of recognition. My attitude is getting very intense right this moment. Like it all cuts through whatever holds me back.
I also notice an adopting of ideas going on, perhaps triggers I dont know. Being outrageous is appealing right now.
Did aswell notice yesterday how people all walk with an bend back, face to the ground and the such. Their bodylanguage and how they carry themselves was telling. Not in my name.
people test my eye contact and it makes me very sure in myself. Like"i know myself now and will not flinch" just solid in bodylanguage aswell. Its automatic thought. Actively keeping eye contact now it clicked and is understood.
reframing situations are not needed anymore. it shatters and adjusts. Its confidence.
Ignite the flame, ignite the mind
Excellence.
RE: ASC 5g journal - Kol - 01-28-2016
My whole attitude is changing once again, im feeling slightly agressive and my libido is dead. I cant even tell what is happening now due the changes or where it may even lead. Im shifting between "have to go out" and no motivation at all. Really boundless and less caring. Dominance increases. Its like what held me back is dissolving right now. Its happening. No need for safety when having confidence, the world is my domain.
I like it. Its running in my blood. hahahaha. My conversations have turned to an debate kind of quality. Question of time before it turns into sheer dominance without doing an single thing. Its helpfull to become this as it gives even less inhibited crap to deal with aswell as an bigger although the limits are in the mind.