Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Natious]

You need to reread (or even better, listen) it over and over again. It's got all the answers you're after. Are you singed up to audible ? I'm on a £7 a month deal which gets me one audio book per month. It's something I'd recommend looking into.

Let AM6 do what it's suppose to. Trust it and forget about it. In the mean while you need to edit those mental movies to something positive. Try looking at them from the angle how you've benefited from them (because you have, believe me - A LOT). Sooner or later you'll realise all this, and all the frustration and negativity will disappear.

Not the easiest thing to do at the moment, AM6 on stage 2 seems twice as hard as stage 1. And if stage 3 is the big guns I'll be in trouble, this sub is no joke. It's like I have never dealt with any of my problems and now they are all surfacing, the depression/sadness is overwhelming at times.

Currently trying to read the John Alexanders book and about half way through, then going for "The Miracle Morning" which is then followed by wither "the power of now" or some LOA book.

[Ricardo]

I'm only into Stage 3 for a few days and it's making me face problems and anxieties that I just hadn't thought about for years. I must have pushed them right back into the darkest recesses of my mind. I've been feeling very vulnerable and almost weepy If anyone gave me a sob story now I'd fall for it.

[Natious]

I'm only into Stage 3 for a few days and it's making me face problems and anxieties that I just hadn't thought about for years. I must have pushed them right back into the darkest recesses of my mind. I've been feeling very vulnerable and almost weepy If anyone gave me a sob story now I'd fall for it.

Well I guess that every day on AM makes you stronger. Not easy to face all that, but the end result will be powerful. I've had a few days where I'm a bit weepy too, I don't cry really, but feeling emotion and stuff.

My dreams have changed so much from the beginning. I used to see myself being the follower and bow down whenever someone tried to take control. Now I actually saw myself challenging situations and people who try to feed me their beliefs and world views. Even some situations related to religion that I was in when I was a kid, I saw myself questioning and denying what I wouldn't as a kid. It's like the things that I dealt with poorly before, I seem them again in a different light.

I guess that's what has been dealt with so deeply past few weeks and it's beginning to dissolve. There's still a lot of insecurity in the situations in my dreams, but it's coming down, I can tell.

For some reason I like taking the hard path through all of this, feels manly and surreal: "going through the dark path, coming out invincible" etc. There's some kind of a conviction that I will come out stronger than ever afterwards. Some time ago I said that running a sub is so easy and the change will happen with no effort, how can people not do this. In reality it's not so easy to deal with it all. Maybe the application of subs isn't as hard as doing all the "find negative beliefs, destroy negative beliefs, install positive beliefs", since it takes constant conscious effort, motivation and discipline, but that's why Shannon gets his deserved bucks.

EDIT: I am actually incredibly surprised that only in stage 2 something as deep as that has been almost dealt with now. The not over analyzing of the sub, letting it do its work and not fighting anything that comes along the path has made me quite resistant free I believe.

[Darwinn]

[quote='Ricardo' pid='61164' dateline='1412241627']
EDIT: I am actually incredibly surprised that only in stage 2 something as deep as that has been almost dealt with now. The not over analyzing of the sub, letting it do its work and not fighting anything that comes along the path has made me quite resistant free I believe.

Well done man

[Natious]

Thank you

[Natious]

WOW, what is this, it seems like 2 of my my main issue points are being tackled simultaneously. Today had a dream related to the childhood bullying, except I was grown up in the picture and I managed to stay calm and without fear. I also kind of stood up for myself. I still got my ass kicked but that doesn't even matter. Basically I felt a whole lot less hate and anger in those situations. Won't be long now before my life will be fully turned around, I can sense it. It will probably take a few more months to get myself stabilized, but I know it's coming. This is great!!

[Natious]

Today it has been 30 days since I last smoked a cigarette and drank alcohol. It's not really a reached goal since I don't plan to do either any more, but rather an assurance that I can make it. Last time that I had gone without either that long was when I was 15/16 and started drinking regularly. Ever since I have not been without drinking for longer than a week and a half.

Not much to post about the sub, maybe that I am starting to feel a little bit in control again and that is only since yesterday. Before, this sub has been challenging me so much that it was hard for me to stay with my own thoughts, it's been quieter past 2 days, maybe this is the little calm period in the middle of the hurricane.

[Natious]

Been following this guys blog for a long time and attended one of his webinars about a year ago. Crazy story and really curious to try something like this. http://www.thefeelgoodlifestyle.com/what...aries.html

Basically he takes some medicine from Shamans and gets his negative beliefs erased with lifelong social conditioning. So awesome!

[Natious]

Sage 2 day 20: I've been noticing that I have started to dissociate very often again. I have so much restless/nervous/anxious energy inside that I can't feel relaxed almost at all. Doesn't matter what I'm doing. I read on the subject a bit and have a strong feeling that it's caused by PTSD. Sometimes it feels like too much, this constant anger and feeling of conflict, like 2 parts of you keep fighting at all times. If some voice in the head says "I can't do this" or "pff I hate myself" I seem to answer very bluntly to that part in the lines of "shut up" in a very angry manner and the ball of anger/frustration/restlessness then grows. It's so stressful, even though logically I have no reason to be stressed at the moment. No obligations, no need to go to a job or do anything I don't really feel like doing. On the other hand I want to do and go somewhere in life, but the constant fogginess and tiredness is too much to properly try and get some clarity.

Not sure, but I think that it might be the reason why I feel so obligated to play behind my pc, watch something or "need to do something stimulating" so much, it's like these emotions can't really get me there. Although I do find myself very angry and frustrated at times, it's still somewhere else than "here" stuck with this pile of constant negative crap building upon itself.

I absolutely hate it, I don't want to be this way, but it seems that the harder I try not to the bigger that frustration/anxiety grows. I thought I had my acne cleared when I did 6 months on antibiotics, but now it seems to have returned. I think I have wrestled with this for a very long time, but didn't really know that it wasn't normal until about a year and a half ago.

I hope AM brings this issue to plain light and helps me take it for a final brawl, this is no way to live.

[Ricardo]

Today it has been 30 days since I last smoked a cigarette and drank alcohol. It's not really a reached goal since I don't plan to do either any more, but rather an assurance that I can make it. Last time that I had gone without either that long was when I was 15/16 and started drinking regularly. Ever since I have not been without drinking for longer than a week and a half.

It's still an excellent achievement. I smoked for 20 years and tried to give up in the last 19 but then 5 years ago I realised I no longer enjoyed it, made me stink and was too expensive. I haven't smoked since or had the desire for a cigarette.

[adam225]

Sage 2 day 20: I've been noticing that I have started to dissociate very often again. I have so much restless/nervous/anxious energy inside that I can't feel relaxed almost at all. Doesn't matter what I'm doing. I read on the subject a bit and have a strong feeling that it's caused by PTSD. Sometimes it feels like too much, this constant anger and feeling of conflict, like 2 parts of you keep fighting at all times. If some voice in the head says "I can't do this" or "pff I hate myself" I seem to answer very bluntly to that part in the lines of "shut up" in a very angry manner and the ball of anger/frustration/restlessness then grows. It's so stressful, even though logically I have no reason to be stressed at the moment. No obligations, no need to go to a job or do anything I don't really feel like doing. On the other hand I want to do and go somewhere in life, but the constant fogginess and tiredness is too much to properly try and get some clarity.

Not sure, but I think that it might be the reason why I feel so obligated to play behind my pc, watch something or "need to do something stimulating" so much, it's like these emotions can't really get me there. Although I do find myself very angry and frustrated at times, it's still somewhere else than "here" stuck with this pile of constant negative crap building upon itself.

I absolutely hate it, I don't want to be this way, but it seems that the harder I try not to the bigger that frustration/anxiety grows. I thought I had my acne cleared when I did 6 months on antibiotics, but now it seems to have returned. I think I have wrestled with this for a very long time, but didn't really know that it wasn't normal until about a year and a half ago.

I hope AM brings this issue to plain light and helps me take it for a final brawl, this is no way to live.

This is a good sign, it means that AM is working on a major issue. Just keep strong and affirm to yourself that it is a good thing that you feel so bad and that you welcome it. This isn't suppose to be an easy ride, especially if you've spent years suffering.

[Natious]

I actually knew that it has to be some deep work and it will eventually subside, just sometimes hard to see when I'm in the middle of it and it has been going on from pretty much since I started doing EPRHA, with a few short exceptional days where I felt calm. Been a rough 4 months now, but like you said, it has to be like this if there's a lot to deal with, IMO it would be weird if it was anything less.

I never was addicted to smoking, just something to do to push away the social anxiety I guess, when sometimes the conversations at school were long and I didn't find much to say I'd smoke a pack, now it really doesn't matter. Alcohol however seemed to give me this amazing power to socialize and express myself so I can understand why I was so addicted to it. And when drinking smoking went with it.

[Natious]

Okay, so today I feel very challenged by my urge to drink. It's Friday and there's ice cold beer in the fridge, people seem to be having a great time chilling and drinking beer, I can't be on the same level as they are and thus want to grab a few cold ones to feel relaxed and forget all the worries. Only 2/3 beers would help my mood to reach better levels.

I won't give in now, but the constant challenging moods and thoughts, I just want to hide and run from them so bad. The feeling of drinking and when the negative emotions and thoughts get numbed to a point when I feel like slowly falling into a nice cloud. There's definitely an emotional connection to the thought of drinking in my head. I just want the power to make myself let go and chill without alcohol, AM6 your turn!

[Natious]

Stage 2 Day 26: This stage is almost over and the last week has been quite good, although there has been some deep depression and strong anger, I have noticed some amazing shifts.

So I tried doing 16h for 4 days which resulted the 3rd day with a headache, but the rest went rather good. First of all I want to point out that I have been starting to face my problems/emotions when they rise. I have hidden so much in the past when a negative emotion comes up, but I feel like now it's different. I do constant checks of how am I feeling and if the response isn't positive then I will compassionately listen to myself and try to tune in to what's going on, this is a HUGE step for me. Yesterday night and this morning were quite difficult in this sense, I had to spend around an hour and a half yesterday focusing on the pain for it to somewhat dissolve and this morning about half an hour which was followed by some upbringing thoughts that got me going.

I have had a few dreams of some girls that all seem perfect, this combine with some reflection about my past has made me realize something. I feel a bit lonely and I think that might be the cause why I "fall in love" too easily with women I see for the first time and then get too attached to them. This is not good for me on any level, getting too deep too fast isn't a good, especially for a sensitive person like me. There's a lot of issues related to the opposite sex which is why I might have to postpone BASE and maybe run AM again followed by WM, depending how this run goes.

I recommend a book called "The Miracle Morning" by Hal Elrod to everyone, this book is simply amazing. A few of my favorite ideas from the book "Never sleep in a negative state or wake up in a negative state, before we wake up and fall asleep our brain is in Alpha/Theta state which is highly suggestible and will affect a lot on how we feel the next day." and "You don't have to figure out your life purpose, you get to make it up and change it over time".

I also had a strong argument with my dad after he screamed at my sister while having been really drunk. Basically I told him to stop being such a baby and start making changes or one day he will just wonder what happened and question how he pushed everyone away.

This stage has still been very rough and I kind of wish I had done LTU for a long period to get myself into a more positive state before taking on the challenge of AM. The big problem is that I am constantly looking at a lot of negativity in myself and it's so hard to take any kind of action at the moment. I feel like I am pretty much standing still in the sense of "taking action and making things happen".

I have been feeling very insecure again from time to time, so it's a very unstable road for now. Hoping stage 3 will be easier (joking, I know it won't).

EDIT: There's loads of negative self talk popping up now and then, I think it's somehow embedded in my subconscious and that's one of the most challenging parts. Not even without thinking much on the negativity, sometimes sentences like "I hate myself", "I just want to die" or "What use is there for me to live the same stupid life of work, earn, family, die" appear.