Natious's AM6 (finished)

[Shannon]

When I started going out socializing, I was really bad with social anxiety. It was very tempting to "have a couple of beers" and then go about my business. But over time, I noticed that, while I really enjoyed socializing, I did not really enjoy the effects, costs and side effects of alcohol. For me, it's impossible to know what any particular type will do until I have basically run the gamut of screw ups with it, and by this I mean, it's not just "beer" to my body, or "Budweiser beer". (I hate Bud, but it's the first thing hat comes to mind.) It's "Budweiser Ultra Black Label, Batch 2 billion and six". Which means I am forever either drinking the same exact thing (I used to drink Souza Gold, 2 shots; kind of boring after a while) or I am forever making an ass of myself trying to figure out what this new variant does to me.

Eventually I decided, this is stupid. I would have more fun without alcohol, and without sitting on the hood of my car waiting to sober up because five people bought me a drink, and without hiding from fears instead of facing them, if I just put my foot down and stopped drinking.

So, I stopped drinking. And that coupled with the last of my social anxiety made going out really hard at first, but I was compelled. It helped a lot to have a friend who was a trivia caller, and I would go see him and play trivia and eat... over time, I got comfortable with that and started going to different places. And over time I got myself comfortable with those and branched out more. And more, and more...

Now, almost every restauraunt and bar where I live knows me, and they not just know me, they like me. I regularly hear them saying, "Hey, come in more often, we miss you." This from the guys and the women who work there, because they enjoy the conversations and laughs they have with me.

The key for me was to go in and sit at the bar and order food and drink, and just enjoy the atmosphere. You don't have to talk. Someone will often start talking to you. And if they have trivia, go play that. I play trivia by myself a lot, and people have come to know me as "Team Ultra, that guy over there by himself who always comes in fourth place" (against teams of 12 people and such). Team Ultra doesn't often win, but you know what? We have a good time, and that's what we're there for. :-)

Have a good time for yourself. Enjoy the presence of those people around you, even if you are not yet ready to enjoy their company directly. It's a growth process, and as you become more comfortable with it over time, you'll become more familiar with how to socialize without alcohol, and those people who are regulars of the location will become familiar enough and comfortable enough with you that they may start conversations. I got started getting to know the bartenders, and then that led to people interjecting into my conversations with them, and then starting conversations with those people hat way, and then other people would join in and so forth.

AM6 is a great way to overcome this issue. Alcohol isn't necessary to have a good time. It just takes some time to get used to walking in and not drinking. But you'll get there. :-) And you'll probably avoid a lot of expense, fights, and self-made assininity in the process.

Congrats on your decision to stop relying on alcohol for social courage.

[Ricardo]

Day 24: So I've decided to quit alcohol for good. The feeling of this decision is powerful, normally I've tried cutting down and having just a certain amount, but these exceptions keep becoming a smaller deal and I end up back where I started.

It's going to be hard having social events (in the future) without a drop of alcohol, hopefully AM helps me with my social anxiety enough so I can make some immense progress with it. Although I have to admit that I don't go out at all at the moment and have no friends where I currently live, somehow I don't even care.

Been feeling insecure throughout pretty much the whole stage. I think I'm becoming more responsive instead of being reactive. Something I wouldn't have been able to identify before. Not yet totally sure about this, but I do think of expressing my opinion with less shame when I feel strong emotions toward a situation or when someone says something.

Emotions are more on surface then I'm used to, I have kept everything bottled up for a very long time and made an impression on people that I have no feelings, or don't care about anything. Sometimes when too many emotions start to surface I feel like I'm going crazy.

All of these things are rather positive than negative, but really hard to deal with for now. Thinking about how most people here are in a certain distance in their lives on this forums shows how deep in a rut I'm in. I know I have a longer way to go and I don't know how much action I'm willing to take, currently not much, I'd sit around and play or watch something. I am thinking of starting a workout routine though, which I've enjoyed a lot in the past.

I often go to pubs and order coffee. Used to feel embarrassed by it but now its kind of quirky and different.

[Natious]

When I started going out socializing, I was really bad with social anxiety. It was very tempting to "have a couple of beers" and then go about my business. But over time, I noticed that, while I really enjoyed socializing, I did not really enjoy the effects, costs and side effects of alcohol. For me, it's impossible to know what any particular type will do until I have basically run the gamut of screw ups with it, and by this I mean, it's not just "beer" to my body, or "Budweiser beer". (I hate Bud, but it's the first thing hat comes to mind.) It's "Budweiser Ultra Black Label, Batch 2 billion and six". Which means I am forever either drinking the same exact thing (I used to drink Souza Gold, 2 shots; kind of boring after a while) or I am forever making an ass of myself trying to figure out what this new variant does to me.

Eventually I decided, this is stupid. I would have more fun without alcohol, and without sitting on the hood of my car waiting to sober up because five people bought me a drink, and without hiding from fears instead of facing them, if I just put my foot down and stopped drinking.

So, I stopped drinking. And that coupled with the last of my social anxiety made going out really hard at first, but I was compelled. It helped a lot to have a friend who was a trivia caller, and I would go see him and play trivia and eat... over time, I got comfortable with that and started going to different places. And over time I got myself comfortable with those and branched out more. And more, and more...

Now, almost every restauraunt and bar where I live knows me, and they not just know me, they like me. I regularly hear them saying, "Hey, come in more often, we miss you." This from the guys and the women who work there, because they enjoy the conversations and laughs they have with me.

The key for me was to go in and sit at the bar and order food and drink, and just enjoy the atmosphere. You don't have to talk. Someone will often start talking to you. And if they have trivia, go play that. I play trivia by myself a lot, and people have come to know me as "Team Ultra, that guy over there by himself who always comes in fourth place" (against teams of 12 people and such). Team Ultra doesn't often win, but you know what? We have a good time, and that's what we're there for. :-)

Have a good time for yourself. Enjoy the presence of those people around you, even if you are not yet ready to enjoy their company directly. It's a growth process, and as you become more comfortable with it over time, you'll become more familiar with how to socialize without alcohol, and those people who are regulars of the location will become familiar enough and comfortable enough with you that they may start conversations. I got started getting to know the bartenders, and then that led to people interjecting into my conversations with them, and then starting conversations with those people hat way, and then other people would join in and so forth.

AM6 is a great way to overcome this issue. Alcohol isn't necessary to have a good time. It just takes some time to get used to walking in and not drinking. But you'll get there. :-) And you'll probably avoid a lot of expense, fights, and self-made assininity in the process.

Congrats on your decision to stop relying on alcohol for social courage.

Didn't know that about you, thanks for the inspiring story. I am not sure how much action I will take which is something that might stop me from getting the full benefits, but I guess the choice to take action comes with time in my case so AM can be the guide to help me get clearer on things.

Was also thinking of maybe some day taking up some sort of martial art since I'm always afraid to be confronted by other aggressive males and then feel really insecure for a long time. I guess something I haven't completely faced after having been bullied in the past. Absolutely critical that I deal with this problem if I don't want to feel like submitting to everyone trying to take control.

Ricardo, I used to go out for coffee in England, but where I live I have some deeper emotional scars about a type of people that live here. Always rather avoid going out to not experience any type of situations that make me want to beat the shit out of someone.

[Natious]

Day 31: So I'm pretty much done with the first stage.

The first stage wasn't very pleasant, it literally felt like it stripped me of all the defenses (they were rather illogical defenses that didn't actually help at all, I guess my subconscious had picked them up somehow) I had on me to protect me from all kinds of situations. I guess it would've been worse if I didn't run asc and eprha first. The recent week or 2, my dreams have been more related to the daily events from the previous day and mostly they have been quite cool, sometimes rather brutal.

I don't know if the sub had anything to do with it but at some point I had a manic episode after having consumed a lot of alcohol, and I mean a lot. That event was a blessing rather than a curse since I have made a decision to quit alcohol for life.

I haven't really been out socializing past month and can't say I feel any different when I do go out for the daily affairs.

A lot of fears have surfaced past this month. My anger is almost uncontrollable, I don't go lashing out on people, but I get angry and frustrated very quick. I also go back to a rather relaxed state quite quick if I drop the thing that made me angry. Not sure what is going on with that.

I've been doing 12h a day on this sub and I sleep 8-12h a day, really tired most of the time. Used https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1...edit#gid=0

Although all of these fears and insecurities have surfaced and seem closer than ever, it feels kind of better and more real, like they are no longer that deep out of reach. Hard to explain really, it's like I feel more connected to life and myself even though it's much harder to cope with all of what's happening.

[Natious]

Summarizing results from stage 1:
-I seem to only do things that I want to do now, if someone tells me to do something and I don't want to, I feel more comfortable to say no.
-I feel like a lot of my issues are being dealt with
-I am more focused on the inside when I do things than outside and excuses.(this one is not on big scale yet)
-I know myself better than I did a month ago, not a lot more, but I think I actually didn't know myself at all. So I've finally started moving toward that direction.
-I get annoyed by people's BS (something I was looking forward to understand after reading journals). It's like I see through them and I know where they are on their growth level. It's like I'm seeing their actions from a higher perspective. Also I'm not afraid to point that out now and help them change their behaviors.
-I am wiser, so much wiser although saying that might make me look like I'm not. I have found that I have a strength to see to the core of the problem while others are still surfacing and pouring out their energy on the outside shell doing research and trying to figure out what, where, when etc. and then some time later discover the thing I told them in the beginning although they acted like I never said it and didn't listen. Even on subject I don't know nothing of I can somehow relate them to each other and see some pattern. Really excited about this since problem solving is in demand everywhere and I never knew I had any strengths or what they might be.

I posted this since yesterdays post seemed a little negative and I knew there were some positive changes too.

[Natious]

Stage 2 day 1:
I thought I'd wait a week and then post but it's been an interesting reflection so far. My dreams have changed and are becoming really intriguing again. Saw a lot of war again and death. I saw that I died and then I woke up in future 35 years later or so. My old house was completely remodeled, was surprised that my subconscious can be such an awesome decorator and an architect. In the war I was an important person and knew how to manipulate people. I think I also had to assassinate people.

I was thinking about my inconsistency in life. I used to attend school inconsistently and also my grades were up and down. When I worked in sales I was incredibly inconsistent, could do no sales for days and then do double the sales for the day that anyone else did. Even in computer games I'm inconsistent, I can be bored and anxious while playing and then I perform on my low, then suddenly I forget all that and don't care anymore, just good energy and can play like a god. And not to forget social settings, I can be shut off completely and not make much of a conversation and be a natural talker and make myself appeal to women, not a long time ago one told me that putting sperm and pee on your face can be good for the skin to which I answered "hmm, interesting", then she went on to ask me if I was willing to try and I guess by saying no I kind of blocked the flow to the conversation.
I know that the 4 are related and if I can figure out how to become consistent in one, I can carry that over to other areas of my life. I've noticed that when there has been incidents that make me feel any kind of negative emotion and I don't know how to respond to that I go to a lower state. Like when being bullied, someone makes a stupid remark or in general I feel like a lowest wheel in the group.

The thing explained is probably something called being in the flow that Csíkszentmihályi has researched. And although I agree on some of his work I don't agree on it being dependent on the outside circumstance. I believe that if I would know myself enough I could master this and choose whether I want to be in the flow or not.
Probably becoming more confident, having higher self-esteem, setting my mind on positive self talk and learn not to force anything so I wouldn't feel this anxious lump in the pit of my stomach could help me become more like a river and flow better. Mihály explains the conditions for the flow to be internal and external, but I'm sure it can be achieved by tuning your internal/mental settings right and then letting it go/flow and not resisting/forcing anything.

I've noticed this a lot in people that can consistently do outstanding and almost impossible things. Like the movies Amadeus or Casanova, both really seem to be flowing with the life and not set blocks and dams with fear/anxiety and other negative emotions and they do it by not even knowing why or how.
So far that's what I've got, I find this extremely exciting to understand.

I have a very strong feeling that AM can be an incredible tool for this. Also I hate the feeling of always being so close, like the answer is right there and everything will click, but just can't get there.

[Natious]

A few years ago I had purchased a program called Neuro Programmer 3. And by reading around a bit, I decided to start using the beta frequency brain entrainment for my ADHD. I stumbled on this http://www.transparentcorp.com/products/...nwaves.php which explains a bit on the brainwaves who ever wants to try them.
NP3 is like a customizable base tool if you want to make your own subs and stuff and they have a preset for ADD which I'm using.
Used the brainwave entrainment this morning and afternoon, felt incredible. It's like all the awareness and consciousness is there. I feel like I'm actually present and not stuck in my head all the time. Will continue with it on the side for sure.
I would have bought the one from Shannon's shop, but NP3 has some more specific stuff for ADD that I want.

[koshas]

A few years ago I had purchased a program called Neuro Programmer 3. And by reading around a bit, I decided to start using the beta frequency brain entrainment for my ADHD. I stumbled on this http://www.transparentcorp.com/products/...nwaves.php which explains a bit on the brainwaves who ever wants to try them.
NP3 is like a customizable base tool if you want to make your own subs and stuff and they have a preset for ADD which I'm using.
Used the brainwave entrainment this morning and afternoon, felt incredible. It's like all the awareness and consciousness is there. I feel like I'm actually present and not stuck in my head all the time. Will continue with it on the side for sure.
I would have bought the one from Shannon's shop, but NP3 has some more specific stuff for ADD that I want.

I have used neuroprogrammer also.i found it helpful for different things.but I have used all kinds of entrainment products.i have also used numerous subliminal products.none have been as effective as these.although I was not as consistent as I was as using Shannon's.

[Natious]

A few years ago I had purchased a program called Neuro Programmer 3. And by reading around a bit, I decided to start using the beta frequency brain entrainment for my ADHD. I stumbled on this http://www.transparentcorp.com/products/...nwaves.php which explains a bit on the brainwaves who ever wants to try them.
NP3 is like a customizable base tool if you want to make your own subs and stuff and they have a preset for ADD which I'm using.
Used the brainwave entrainment this morning and afternoon, felt incredible. It's like all the awareness and consciousness is there. I feel like I'm actually present and not stuck in my head all the time. Will continue with it on the side for sure.
I would have bought the one from Shannon's shop, but NP3 has some more specific stuff for ADD that I want.

I have used neuroprogrammer also.i found it helpful for different things.but I have used all kinds of entrainment products.i have also used numerous subliminal products.none have been as effective as these.although I was not as consistent as I was as using Shannon's.

I think Neuro programmer is great for side use, I did take it seriously when I first used it and it helped me turn my life around, but it wasn't permanent. Shannon's subs are more like the core and NP is like the small tools you use for daily boost in energy, motivation and so on.
That's how I feel about it myself.

[Natious]

So I'm still trying to get myself into a more natural state by using Beta waves in the morning until afternoon. I am curious how much can I use Beta since this http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-How-NO...ubliminals was bit confusing on the beta brainwave usage time. Also what is considered as hypnosis here?

It's so horrible to feel like a zombie and be in some sort of mental limbo the whole day, and I get so angry at it sometimes. It's like I can barely function morning/afternoon and then when I go to bed, suddenly BAAMMM. Energy, motivation, insights, great thoughts run until I manage to somehow get myself to sleep.

Other than that, I've been feeling really weird lately, ever since I started the 2nd stage.

[koshas]

So I'm still trying to get myself into a more natural state by using Beta waves in the morning until afternoon. I am curious how much can I use Beta since this http://subliminal-talk.com/Thread-How-NO...ubliminals was bit confusing on the beta brainwave usage time. Also what is considered as hypnosis here?

It's so horrible to feel like a zombie and be in some sort of mental limbo the whole day, and I get so angry at it sometimes. It's like I can barely function morning/afternoon and then when I go to bed, suddenly BAAMMM. Energy, motivation, insights, great thoughts run until I manage to somehow get myself to sleep.

Other than that, I've been feeling really weird lately, ever since I started the 2nd stage.

When you use brain entrainment you are entraining you brain to a certain wave length.i would not over use it if it is effecting your life.

It is a tool,I have used a lot of entrainment products.there are some to induce sleep and everything else. Good luck

[Natious]

Yeah there's some good stuff, you can train your brain and expand your IQ by quite a bit with some of them.

Stage 2 day 8: Have been seen more and more dreams of a similar type of women. Ones that I could see myself with for a long time and would probably marry. I have only know one woman in my life that was pretty much like that. I really didn't expect that from AM, but I guess it's something I have to think of in order to have some clarity in the relationships area.

[Natious]

I thought I'd write a bit more about my past since there seems to be an urge to do so and to get a better understanding why I'm in such a rut. In the future I can use this for a better examination (I also posted this on another forum).

I grew up in a religious family of 6 with no real responsibilities. Since I was a kid pretty much from the start I can remember that my parents were depressed. That religious programming was never explained to me properly so I started thinking that all violence is bad and have had problems since standing up for myself and with the opposite sex. I didn't really have any boundaries or big obligations as a kid and could very easily not go to the school without my parents saying anything. I didn't do the things kids mostly do, not because my parents would punish me for it but I somehow felt ashamed and some guilt all the time. I didn't ever stand up to my bullies so I'm still trying to figure out how to stand up for myself. When I first saw a computer it sort of became my hiding place where I would play video games all the time. Some months I would go to school 1/2 days a week and the rest I would pretend that I was sick and then go play behind my pc. My parents still live together but I'm not close to them really.
On the financial side my parents have been living in debt their whole lives. If there's a bit more money to spend they spend it all. Credit cards are often overdrawn and in general no financial responsibility. Also they both have been drinking a lot since I first remember.

This wasn't meant as a victim post or anything, rather than telling some truth for once. I usually don't say anything like this and to think of it would be the first time I mention some of these. I just want to get an honest start to a better life.

Wow, honestly writing this made me a bit emotional. I don't know if this is good or bad, but I feel like I've had a bad childhood and this is the first time I take a good look at it. I guess in order to let my negativity dissolve I have to accept it and understand it and there's a lot of it.

[Natious]

Wow, I have just had quite a bit of insight on some things. I have used PSTEC and EFT a few times but never really got it, today however I stumbled on http://pstecaudiosource.org/3918/gary which is an interview with someone who had their life turned around by PSTEC and I feel like I am so much in a similar place than he was in the beginning.
Like if there's even the slightest problem I lose my ability to cope and crumble to an emotional limbo(dissociate, brain fog etc.) where I just don't feel anything and it's like I can't think at all. It's like if there's a problem that might be a small nuisance to one person can be a terrifying worry and stress filled event for me. I don't know how I deal with them now, but only a few months ago that was the case and had been for a long time.

Going further I listened to "PSTEC Click Tracks Made Simple" and I realized that the reason I can't really get it is because I've spent so much effort (consciously or unconsciously) on suppressing all the memories and emotions that I don't really connect with them any more, this understanding might be something that can help me a lot in choosing what to do next.

This might also explain my panic/anxiety attacks when I used ASC. I had so many buried memories that to make use of ASC my subconscious somehow had to adjust these and brought them up all at once.

To those a bit more experienced with both AM6 and PSTEC/general releasing: How much does doing PSTEC simultaneously with AM really help? I have read of all the thread where PSTEC is combined with AM, SM etc. Sometimes it seems people get too wrapped up in it and will always find more issues that need fixing. If AM6 clears up the same things why couple it with PSTEC? Is the progress so much faster?