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A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
06-29-2017, 03:39 AM (This post was last modified: 06-29-2017 03:46 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #21
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
I attempted a dialogue with the 'part' of myself resisting. Shannon wrote about communicating with that part and reassuring it. Last time I did that it 'seemed' to make things worse and derail things but then it got better after a bit.

This isn't to tell you guys "You should do this" because it could still be seen as using other methods. But I took this idea...

Quote:Shannon - Sometimes, the person is not trying to resit consciously. Sometimes, they are. In either case, they are resisting and that means some part of them needs to take personal responsibility for that resistance. Resistance is a choice, conscious or not, and if you have no accountability for your choices, there is no incentive to change what you don't want.

In cases where you are resisting subconsciously, you will need to comunicate with your subconscious and find out why it is trying to resist. Then communicate back to your subconscious that this is what you want to do, experience, achieve, and that it is safe to do so.

Me - Hmm seems i've done half of this with my writing "What am I resisting/what am I fearing?" and such.. and it's lead me to some conclusions and sometimes after it my mind has 'quietened' a bit.

But i'm not quite sure how I should do the second part after that.

Shannon - I find that I am communicating with a much younger version of myself most of the time when I am doing this. I try to imagine myself talking to that version of me as if we are sitting down together or standing together. When he expresses a fear, I feel it, and I reassure him that I have experience in how to handle it and I've got this, he is safe and I'll take care of everything.

But this is why I am going to automate the process in DMSI 3.2.

And I combined it with an exercise from an Inner Bonding book where they get you to have a dialogue with your inner child by asking questions, and going back and forth in writing between the parts of yourself. Listening to it, then reassuring it. When you're doing it you're basically feeling into that part then going back to the part of you the 'adult' part that can reassure it while also showing understanding, genuine understanding because I can see how that part of me feels like that with some of the things i've had happen.

I tried that with the 'resisting part/insecure part' and then wrote back as if I was talking to that part of me and giving understanding with how it feels and reassuring it.

I did that for a bit, and I felt something physically relax just subtly in my body. And in the end that part that was resisting was like "Ok, i'm a little scared but i'm prepared to open up a little with this.."

I'm not sure what the results will be, but this idea come to me when I woke up in the middle of the night last night like "try this idea from Inner Bonding."

One thing that I don't like about the Inner Bonding stuff is how alot of it seems very on the feminine side of gentleness, love, 'connecting with your feminine side' and such as it was created by a woman and not wanting to do it in their way and become weak. So i'm attempting to take the idea and apply it in another way.

With things like that I never see them talking about connecting with your more masculine side.. it's always shit like "Oh men connect with your feminine side."
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06-30-2017, 04:57 AM (This post was last modified: 06-30-2017 05:06 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #22
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Still feel like i'm repelling most girls i'm attracted to at the moment like a creeper or something, before switching off A I was talking to girls and almost every one reacted well. Now the comfort in talking to them isn't there the same and they are reacting weirdly. And I also feel weird and awkward aroudn them.

I talk to several girls at the gym regularly, though most of those are ones i'm not interested in or care about sexually because of some reason but I like talking to them. Today several people talking to me, but a girl i'd talked to a few times who is sexy pissed me off by ignoring me totally, like just blanking me. Usually even with headphones she hears me, but today I even waved when I was pretty much sitting next to her and said "how's it going" and nothing.

I did the dialoguing again today in writing and I plan to do it regularly, a bit each day. I can't remember alot of what come up but it was interesting.

Some of it was that i've been ignoring the part of me that has been 'resisting' by when something comes up telling it to '**** off' which is actually what I do in my mind alot of the time when emotions come up trying to derail the subliminal. And that it just wants to be heard and acknowledged.

Also an interesting thing that come up that i've had thoughts about a bit is "If you are sexually irresistible and get all the sex you want then you won't be bothered to achieve other things and deal with things around money and other areas that you really need to deal with in your life".

That is partly true from my past experience, but I reassured it that if we let DMSI work that the US/UM and such will kick in and help with other things and that I will still make time for work and dealing with other things and set aside seperate time for girls.

And that all i've done is try to 'slam' it more with subliminals and try to force the change instead of listening, understanding and acknowledging that part of me and how it feels.

That is very true too. I haven't wanted to listen to that part of myself, those feelings.. i've just wanted to brute force the change, listening more and more hours. I've had things come up trying to release the programming in the moment and i've just ignored it, told it to **** off and tried to refocus on the subliminals..

But it's not gone away, it's got a little better with DMSI but it still keeps coming up.. almost every time I identify a positive change even if it's been happening for a while and I become aware of it, a part of myself comes up in that moment trying to get rid of it.

I've got pissed off, angry at it, raged at this happening, tried to ignore and resist it coming up.. and it's helped about not much at all. Undecided

So it's time to dialogue with it, find out why.. reassure that part of myself, and come up with ways we can allow DMSI and it's programming to be okay to execute.

I don't totally know what i'm doing, just winging it at the moment.. but doing it twice has brought up some interesting things I hadn't considered.

EDIT: I also did the 'sway test' on 'will this dialoguing help me execute DMSI better?' and I kept getting yes. Honestly I feel a little 'weaker' from doing it, but i'm hoping it might adjust and to trust that, like i'm trusting that somehow Version B is more effective right now for dealing with my main issues.

I'm not sure how long i'll run it. Initially I got an answer of 3 weeks. A few nights ago the answer was '2 weeks'. Which would mean only a few more days.
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07-01-2017, 07:07 AM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2017 07:08 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #23
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
I'm ***** sick of these issues sexually with 3.1 that I didn't have before. Especially when I was doing Male Sexual Qigong regularly, which I started again about 5 weeks ago and helped a bit but now back on B it's gone downhill again. The last girl seeing her for like 6+ months, never had any issue performing. Only ONCE I had a problem getting hard, and that was on 3.1.

Today the first time just cum pretty much as soon as she touched my dick the first time, and the second time pretty much straight away when I put it in her. Sometimes the first time it's quick, but then the second time and after it's fine. And after that I had problems staying hard.. eventually after waiting way longer than usual I kind of did but I had to think of other things just to keep it up. And most other positions other than me on top I barely stay hard, which doesn't usually happen until 3.1B.

That never happened with the last girl even on 3.1A. All the issues started when I first changed to B, got a little better again going back to A and now back on B with more loops today was alot worse.

'Some' of this has happened to me in the past at times, but not this much. I'm starting to wonder if continuing 3.1 will just make this worse. But the healing, aura and such i'm liking. Honestly not noticing much with other girls really, but they way this one i'm seeing responds.

It's like this girl is totally up for sex, shes trying for sex several times when she's laying next to me then some of the time I just can't get hard because of whatever shit is happening. Someone so up for it and finding it hard to perform. I'm not surprised, I kind of 'knew' when I switched to B just by the feeling I was getting.

Unfortunately this doesn't sound isolated with several other guys reporting having problems performing on DMSI.

I'll try to end on a positive note of something observed today. She hadn't mentioned this before. Others mentioned girls have said they smell like maple syrup or something. Well when she got here today she was telling me "You smell good, what did you put on?" and I put nothing on and was confused. Then I remembered and asked her what I smelt like and she's like "You smell like Ben" which makes me think i've smelt like it before but she's not mentioned it until today. And then she said "You smell kind of sweet" and I realized it may be something to do with the pheromone part of DMSI since others have reported it.

I wonder since she hasn't mentioned it before today that maybe the dialoguing i've been doing has allowed something to kick in a little more.

But it's hardly that useful if things kick in alot more and I have more girls wanting sex if I can't perform.

If it wasn't for that issue that's been going on for several months now, improved a little when I started doing Male Sexual Qigong again but back on B has got worse again i'd be able to put up with the other weirdness and awkwardness going on at the moment with DMSI.. but the sexual issue is nearly enough to make me throw it away.

And I fear that it's being programmed in there so even if I stop then this issue is there already and just gonna get worse with further listening.
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Raikahoken
07-01-2017, 07:27 AM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2017 07:29 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #24
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Well.. this is interesting and a strange mindfuck.

Sway test stays consistent with "Is version B the most effective for achieving the goal of DMSI?". YES.

"Is version B the most effective for healing my issues?". YES.

Ok.. "Will Version B help these issues with sexual performance?". NO.

"Will Version A?". YES.

"Would version A be gentler to deal with my issues?". YES.

"..safer?" YES.

So it's back to A for me. Ive already put B on for tonight but tomorrow ill work out loops for A.

So according to the sway test which every time has given the same answers about B that its more effective for me to achieve the goal of getting sex.. but apparently wont deal with the sexual performance issues its causing which A will.

Sounds weird.. I have no idea why. But seeing the answers its given me about B have stayed the same over a few weeks ill go with it.

It makes some sense in that most of the time on A I wasnt having those issues.. only switching to B the first time.. then back on A it got better again and now worse again on B.
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07-01-2017, 07:38 AM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2017 09:25 AM by ReeZoX.)
Post: #25
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
I think it kinda makes sense that B wouldn't fix your sexual performance issues. If you relate to the picture Shannon was giving with the wooden table, you're trying to use a "broken table" currently, first you need to "heal" that table and after that, B would be more appropriate.

ENTJ
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07-01-2017, 09:11 AM
Post: #26
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
(07-01-2017 07:38 AM)ReeZoX Wrote:  I think it kinda makes sense that B wouldn't fix your sexual performance issues. If you relate to the picture Shannon was giving with the wooden table, you're trying to use a "broken table" currently first you need to "heal" that table and after that, B would be more appropriate.

Here's a post referring to the "table" Shannon spoke about to explain clearing and healing for those curious: http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-8313-p...#pid153037
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07-01-2017, 10:36 AM
Post: #27
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
(07-01-2017 07:27 AM)Benjamin Wrote:  So according to the sway test which every time has given the same answers about B that its more effective for me to achieve the goal of getting sex.. but apparently wont deal with the sexual performance issues its causing which A will.

Sounds weird.. I have no idea why. But seeing the answers its given me about B have stayed the same over a few weeks ill go with it.

It makes sense if you keep in mind that the wording for enhancing the sexual performance itself can cause the issues for some people. The healing in A would help to fix the problem that the wording causes too much pressure on the user where B itself would find a faster way to achieve the sub goal than A due to the delay caused because of healing.

INFP - Introvert Intuitive Feeler Perceiver
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07-01-2017, 11:04 AM
Post: #28
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
The sexual performance stuff is just some part of you responding to the programming for optimal sexual performance with "I don't think I can, I'm afraid to try." Those of you having this issue, it's coming from a subconscious fear of not being good enough in terms of sexual performance. I'll be adjusting the optimal performance module to correct for this reaction, but in a nutshell... that's what's causing it. The program is saying, "When you have sex, do a great job!" and your subconscious is saying... "But... I'm not good enough at this!"

When I adjust the program to clear/heal/adjust for this, you're very likely going to see a stark difference in your responses and how you perform sexually. We are going to aim to clear out the root of the issue, which is: some part of you is still stuck in your pre-pubescent and pubescent angst about being good enough and performing well enough sexually to be good enough.

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The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
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07-01-2017, 05:28 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2017 05:34 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #29
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Quote:I think it kinda makes sense that B wouldn't fix your sexual performance issues. If you relate to the picture Shannon was giving with the wooden table, you're trying to use a "broken table" currently, first you need to "heal" that table and after that, B would be more appropriate.

It made sense with my initial thoughts about the difference. Then recently I was wondering because it seems B may work on things too but in a different way. But my current thought is that B is a little 'harsh' for me.

So it may be true that B could get me to the goal faster and more effectively, but less gently and in a more harsh way. And the gentle way is better for me even if it takes a little longer. Honestly if I look at things in the past the harsh treatment never helped me from people, it just shut me down.. but then more gentle understanding like being coached in FasterEFT by a woman who was more like that.. helped more.

Quote:It makes sense if you keep in mind that the wording for enhancing the sexual performance itself can cause the issues for some people. The healing in A would help to fix the problem that the wording causes too much pressure on the user where B itself would find a faster way to achieve the sub goal than A due to the delay caused because of healing.


Hmm yeah, it's very strange how it seems "B might achieve the goal of sex.. but oh yeah there's these girls wanting to **** but it's hard to perform". But that's how it's seeming to me.

Quote:The sexual performance stuff is just some part of you responding to the programming for optimal sexual performance with "I don't think I can, I'm afraid to try." Those of you having this issue, it's coming from a subconscious fear of not being good enough in terms of sexual performance. I'll be adjusting the optimal performance module to correct for this reaction, but in a nutshell... that's what's causing it. The program is saying, "When you have sex, do a great job!" and your subconscious is saying... "But... I'm not good enough at this!"

When I adjust the program to clear/heal/adjust for this, you're very likely going to see a stark difference in your responses and how you perform sexually. We are going to aim to clear out the root of the issue, which is: some part of you is still stuck in your pre-pubescent and pubescent angst about being good enough and performing well enough sexually to be good enough.

That definately applies, even with how many girls i've slept with I still have those insecurities though in recent years i've been better with it especially with Male Sexual Qigong helping. I definately do have that thought of not being good enough sexually, especially with more attractive girls.

I look forward to when it's adjusted, it would be awesome to have the positive response to it and performance being good.

By the way something I forgot to mention that I thought of this morning, along with this.. the times when it's happening the worst there is also a kind of 'I can't be bothered feeling' like one of the times last night when I couldn't get hard I was going though the motions of touching her and not really into it which was weird. Then later on when I laid there a bit and relaxed then I got into the moment and enjoyed it more and that time it went ok.

So it's combined with an apathy type feeling of "I'm not really into this or interested in it" even though I actually am. Strange. Guess it could be similar like "I don't think I can so i'll just feel like i'm not into it as that feels safer".

I don't know what i'm going to do with this, this response is causing frustration with us though she seems to be okay and I still have manged to have sex a few times.. but I know it's not what I CAN do and have in the past so it frustrates me. And the weird thing of finding it more difficult to stay hard in other positions could lead to things getting a little stale.. I haven't had that issue in the past that I can remember until now.

For now i'll go back to A and see what happens, as it seems B is too harsh for me and won't deal with that issue and as I said the more gentle approach is better for me.

Past that i'm not sure. It's hard to know if the dialoguing i'm doing is helping but i'll continue it for a while to see.
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07-01-2017, 11:49 PM (This post was last modified: 07-01-2017 11:53 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #30
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Todays dialoguing was interesting and confirms what I realized last night.

That B is putting too much pressure on. That it may be more 'effective' for achieving the goal of DMSI but it's too harsh and 'I don't like it' (that's what the part i'm communicating with is saying).

That the gentle approach is better. And that B with more loops is kind of like in the past when I was beating myself up about everything or for not doing something and B feels just like that.

It's kind of like B is potentially harmful for me at this stage and that it might more effectively drag me to the goal but at the expense of being too harsh for me which isn't something that really seems to help me.

So back to A tonight. Also the dialogue suggested to lessen loops, maybe 3 or 4 and to retest for that tonight for A. And to test for 'safety' 'gentleness' and such with it.

This writing is definately showing me things that I wouldn't have even thought of or considered before.

It's seeming better to do this than just assume stuff like "Wanting to go back to A or do less loops is running away" or "Doing B is more effective for the goal in all ways" and such. I'll see where it leads.
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07-02-2017, 03:51 AM
Post: #31
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Sunday 2/7/17 - Back to Version A.

Sway testing - 3 loops at 6 volume.
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07-02-2017, 07:32 PM
Post: #32
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Felt better after extra sleep and better in general waking up. Though a few hours later I feel tired. Initially for a while I felt really good, calm feeling.. but then coming across other peoples bs seems to quickly drain that, which is one of my challenges it seems, taking on their bs too easily.

One thing that is weird that i've noticed is maybe the last week or so, i'm thinking and not sure when it started. But the urge to have a girlfriend is coming up, it was extra strong this morning. And thinking of the girl i've been seeing in that way for some reason. It wasn't feeling like an attempt to 'run away'.. but now a few hours later I feel weird and confused about it.

It's kind of thoughts like "I could have a girlfriend for a while and just work on other things like money and such and myself and not have to worry about the stress and annoyance of always chasing girls". Because working on the Ultra Success part and money if I got to the point that i'd like would help with the goal of DMSI. Not sure if it's just convienient logic. This morning it made so much sense to me for some reason.

After 1 night of A I feel a little less strange, and I feel a little of the pressure has relaxed.

Had a couple of dreams around old friends which continually have come up during E2 and DMSI. One was the 'alpha' of the friendship group I moved on from during AM6.. him and a guy I was friends with as a teenager in taekwondo, the taekwondo guy was driving crazily and I was in the back scared, then I just sat there and closed my eyes and was like "i'll just go with this" and felt way more relaxed in the dream.

Woke up a little annoyed at the friendship group thing which has come up alot of times, I thought I was over it. But interestingly also had thoughts of how they were not beneficial to me. And when I see one of them at the gym I talk to him but I don't identify with him that much now, and one of the guys I still talked to after it but only see occasionally the times i've gone to his place over the last year or so I just haven't enjoyed it, felt like I don't really connect with him anymore and found that it would temporarily bring back certain ways i'd talk or act that I don't like.. and he would go from what he used to know me as and bring up things that i've worked to get away from.

Switching to A all of a sudden the desire to do the dialoguing has dropped quite a bit. But i'll still be working on it since I feel it's helping.
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07-02-2017, 11:16 PM
Post: #33
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Felt way better and more 'normal' back on A. Most of the time on B I just felt awkward and socially retarded.

Interestingly it seems the 'Inner Bonding' type stuff i've been doing is similar to E2.. I can't pinpoint when the feeling of wanting a girlfriend again come up, but I had that feeling more on E2.. plus a few other things like when I woke up today thinking about stuff like drawing which I started to do again on E2 but during DMSI lost interest in it again and couldn't be bothered.

Also on DMSI i've lost some interest in going out and doing stuff with girls, or atleast not got as much enjoyment from it as on E2. So it's like it was connecting me more with myself, the 'become a person that makes you happy' programming seems to apply. I'm pretty sure I was happier who I was being while on E2 and getting more joy from things.

The 'girlfriend' thing also is interesting. I had the thought today that some of my wanting to **** more and more girls is connected to my abandonment and wanting to feel 'whole' from doing so and feel better about myself. And Inner Bonding works on that and it's lessening my interest in doing so. I don't really want to be just with 1 girl, but if I can reach a place where i'm feeling 'whole' in myself and not 'reaching out' in a needy way and instead am connecting with girls I enjoy instead of just "please make me feel better" then that's going to be alot better for both sides.

So it is interesting the Inner Bonding stuff is mimicking E2 in some ways. I guess without being aware at the time E2 was working on my Inner Child and now Inner Bonding is continuing that though i'm not fully doing it as specified, just my own take on what I read.

I don't really know where it's going to lead me, or if it's conflicting with DMSI... but initial thoughts is it's beneficial. And sway testing told me that it's beneficial for me with DMSI without derailing it. Even if it might a little so far i'm liking the dialoguing.
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07-03-2017, 06:54 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2017 06:56 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #34
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Todays dialoguing was confusing and I got emotional after it.

First it come up "I don't want to do DMSI anymore, it's scary, it's pushing me too hard, I just want to shut down and hide again".

I asked what it was making that part of me want to hide and the answer was interesting.

"Well it's pushing me to love myself, have self validaiton, to realize that i'm worth something and I don't know how to fully do or feel that as i've never really before."

And realizing that stopping and hiding isn't the solution I asked what it needs.

"I mainly need your love and understanding to be patient and keep communicating with me. I need time. I'm scared but willing top open up a bit."

And "Be patient and not beat me up if it doesn't happen instantly. I have this urge to change programs but that's because it's working finally and this dialoguing is helping too. I need atleast another 3 months on A and for you to be patient and gentle with me in the process".

And that "Healing the abandonment and those issues is the priority, commit to A and dialoguing every day for atleast 3 months. And also on some other areas in my life that i've been needing to deal with but at the moment girls/sex are a side goal."

"But that if there is the opportunity then I can take it, but you can just learn to enjoy them without having to 'fill yourself up' and use girls/sex to hope you'll finally feel good, instead being comfortable with myself and my sexual desires but also feeling good about myself either way".

After it I got emotional, first neediness come up and some obsession about girls again that I wasn't feeling so much on B. Then sadness, I sat there and let myself be with it, then I decided to go sit with my dog and made a tea, but when I went and sat down again I wasn't feeling it anymore so I didn't get to sit longer with it.

The sadness felt a bit like a 'grieving' at letting go of this need to fill myself up with girls approval/sex to feel good about myself.

And I was feeling like something was a bit 'wrong' after it and getting a bit angry that the 'part' of me wanted that and judging it. But I tried to just stay with those feelings too.

But it's interesting that the main reason at the moment I want to run away from DMSI is that "It's pushing me to love myself, validate myself, feel good about myself and that's scary."
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07-03-2017, 07:26 PM
Post: #35
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
This post is making me feel like getting back into it

Rest at ease Chester Bennington
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07-03-2017, 07:54 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2017 07:55 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #36
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Quote:This post is making me feel like getting back into it.

Interesting, glad you're getting something from it. I can't say i'd have expected that.. as I know at the moment the majority will find my journal boring, not 'sexy' as i'm not talking about girls and sex. But that's fine, all my other journals were that haha. Seems you may have realized the same things yourself as I have.

If DMSI does help me to finally deal with this where I haven't been fully able to with all the other programs and work i've done that will be awesome.

So note to self - DMSI 3.1 Version A until atleast 4/10/17.

Or if 3.2 comes out of course i'll switch to Version A of that.

On a sidenote i've suddenly had the urge before to get back into John Cooper's material.. the first time I heard of Inner Bonding was from him and he talks about alot of this stuff. I don't think I was ready for it a few years ago when I first found it but I am now.
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Darkness
07-04-2017, 04:57 AM
Post: #37
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
you're making huge strides in healing parts of your pain Ben. That's amazing and your recent post of inner dialogue really resonated with me.

I think any time you're letting a part of you go, that is a factor in your current identity, it's frightening as all hell. Especially because the unknown is the unknown, you really have nothing to validate your future self against.

Letting go of anything is painful.

I'm interested to read where this will take you in the future and how much it will change you.

Those wounds will heal for you soon Ben. New day, new dawn...
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07-04-2017, 06:38 PM (This post was last modified: 07-04-2017 06:39 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #38
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Thanks Duke.. yes it's weird and some of the feelings I don't like, but feeling that is part of it. Like i'm feeling 'weaker' since going back to A and doing the dialoguing.

I've been having random urges again after I lost interest on B to go on dating sites and talk to more girls again. For so long i'd wake up every day and look at the sites and several times a day. So for now i'm holding off on it when that urge comes up. The process of the dialoguing is coming up with "what do you need?" and taking the action it suggests, which is making the healing a priority.

Actually what I could say is at the moment i'm feeling pretty good within myself when i'm alone and such, but just 'weak' socially.

I've caught myself several times getting pissed off and frustrated at myself over 'not being attractive' or getting no attention then remembering to be gentle on myself instead. As part of it also is being okay whether girls are interested or not.

The idea is to deal with this and then I will be able to build up much more effectively after doing so.
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Duke.Togo
07-05-2017, 06:38 PM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2017 06:39 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #39
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
I was reluctnant to dialogue today. But I did it, I realized today I feel like it has to be a long drawn out thing but today it was short and my Inner Child just wanted me to sit with the sad feelings and comfort him.

I've been feeling kind of 'weak' kind of like love feels weak and I don't like that feeling, I guess a vulnerable type feeling. But i've also been feeling some calmness.

It also reminds me of E2 like i've been put in that 'healing mode' more again and alot of the time i've felt like playing games and such. Which is strange because Inner Bonding is meant to help those old coping mechanisms drop away.

Though today at the end of the dialoguing where I haven't felt like doing much for days I feel like just going out somewhere. I've got to goto the post office to pick up protein powder, but I also just feel like going out in the world which I haven't much most of the week.
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LionKing
07-05-2017, 09:05 PM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2017 09:28 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #40
RE: She Wants The D MSI 3.1
Going out today confirmed what I mentioned in a previous post 2 posts back.

I felt good.. walking around feeling calm and happy in myself. But when it come to reaching out socially and interacting, like a girl serving me when I got coffee, I felt weak and kind of weird.. and I could even hear it in my own voice.

It's like healing and working with the Inner Child stuff is at the moment 'sensetizing' me.. because there was this sexy girl in a dress walking down the street that I was checking out. She stopped in front of me at the traffic lights where I was crossing... and I started to actually get nervous which is unusual since I don't usually feel that anymore. And I didn't end up saying anything though I wanted to.

Though it could just be bringing that up, because alot of the time when it's not naturally flowing it feels more like a 'blocked' or 'numb' feeling and I just don't talk to them, maybe this was what is below that and I didn't want to feel it so pushed it down and reconnecting with parts of myself it's now in my awareness again.

The other thing similar to that. On B with 5 loops I felt kind of numb and akward but not really emotional, just bleak kind of. On A with 3 loops i'm feeling emotional like sadness and such coming up. It's like doing less has given it room to come up or something.
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