Blank Slate - EPRHA 2.0

[Natious]

2nd day of EPRHA 2.0

The word soothing is appropriate here. I try not having any expectations about this sub to reduce my frustration with the results. I seem to expect too much too quick.

My goal is a little bit more clear now than it was on ASC. It is to eliminate self doubt and bring on this feeling of self confidence that is not situational, but from the core. My way of achieving this is by chipping away on the doubts and fears that have no place in my future.

Although gaming might not be viewed as much of a productive activity, I have found a way to reflect deeply about myself and the progress I make with self growth though gaming. This is not to say that gaming is an ultimate tool for self growth, but rather to say that ANY activity can be used for deep self reflection and growth.

I went to the bank today, had an appointment that I called for over a month ago. The funny thing is that when I got there the guy told me the person I was supposed to have the appointment with wasn't there and he had to give me another appointment. I got angry and asked "What kind of a fucking bank works THIS unorganized?". I tried not pointing my anger at the guy since he wasn't really at fault and didn't seem knowledgeable about anything that goes around in the bank, but it felt good to express my disappointment.
My father was with me since he had to sign some documents and during the whole conversation he probably said about 2 sentences. He seemed intimidated after I expressed my anger at the bank, but he agreed with me. It's weird that my relationship with him seems more and more distant. He is a very sad man, he has pretty much given up on life, drinks every day and threatens to suicide (which he has been saying for as long as I've known him). Usually I'd say nothing or try and be supportive, but I am getting sick of his victim-hood and now just make dark jokes about it.

Anyway, that's it for now.

[stratos]

sounds like your dad needs ASC or EPRHA

[Natious]

I'll blast E2 as loud as possible, maybe some will reach to him. The thing is I have already tried giving him the subs to use, but he never used them. I have a feeling that he doesn't want to change, he is too identified with his depression and it has grown to be a part of him. So even if I were to give him the program again, he might use it for a few days and then give up.

[4Kingdoms]

I'll blast E2 as loud as possible, maybe some will reach to him. The thing is I have already tried giving him the subs to use, but he never used them. I have a feeling that he doesn't want to change, he is too identified with his depression and it has grown to be a part of him. So even if I were to give him the program again, he might use it for a few days and then give up.

I would hide a device close to him that he won't be able to find and loop it 24/7. He is your Dad and obviously you care about him.

I would play EHPRA 2.0 for him first to clear out his depression. Then switch it to ASC after 6 months. In 6 months, ASC 6G should be released by then.

[Shannon]

I'll blast E2 as loud as possible, maybe some will reach to him. The thing is I have already tried giving him the subs to use, but he never used them. I have a feeling that he doesn't want to change, he is too identified with his depression and it has grown to be a part of him. So even if I were to give him the program again, he might use it for a few days and then give up.

I would hide a device close to him that he won't be able to find and loop it 24/7. He is your Dad and obviously you care about him.

I would play EHPRA 2.0 for him first to clear out his depression. Then switch it to ASC after 6 months. In 6 months, ASC 6G should be released by then.

I would do the same, only, I would leave EHPRA 2.0 playing for 12 to 18 months at least. By then he won't need ASC. He'll need 150 horsepower and 200 torque. lol

[Natious]

I wonder where I could get such a device. Any huge speakers and he will probably notice, I'll think about how I could do something like that for a while. That would take some organizing, especially if I don't want it to be running 24/7. But it is true, it might be exactly what he needs.

Had an odd dream. It was of my brother getting more and more fame as a singer (which he has been getting) and I felt jealous. Not jealous of the fact that he was singing, but of the fact that he got fame and I didn't.

I think I had some sort of a release last night when I hit play on the masked track. I started thinking about my life and how sad I feel most of the time. At one point I started thinking about why I hate myself and people and got to a conclusion that I feel people expect too much from me. I am not sure exactly who, but there's always this pressure of "I have to do this" and if I ask myself "why?" then I wouldn't know why. The anger and hate comes from not being able to follow all these "expectations", because simply I couldn't care less about following them. But still on some level they hold a lot of power over me if they can make me feel that much hate and guilt.

[Nox]

I wonder where I could get such a device. Any huge speakers and he will probably notice, I'll think about how I could do something like that for a while. That would take some organizing, especially if I don't want it to be running 24/7. But it is true, it might be exactly what he needs.

Had an odd dream. It was of my brother getting more and more fame as a singer (which he has been getting) and I felt jealous. Not jealous of the fact that he was singing, but of the fact that he got fame and I didn't.

I think I had some sort of a release last night when I hit play on the masked track. I started thinking about my life and how sad I feel most of the time. At one point I started thinking about why I hate myself and people and got to a conclusion that I feel people expect too much from me. I am not sure exactly who, but there's always this pressure of "I have to do this" and if I ask myself "why?" then I wouldn't know why. The anger and hate comes from not being able to follow all these "expectations", because simply I couldn't care less about following them. But still on some level they hold a lot of power over me if they can make me feel that much hate and guilt.

I'm going to get a small speaker and MP3 player and hide it under my sister's dresser for the exact purpose. The tricky part is finding a wall outlet that will go unnoticed as the MP3 can just loop for infinity

[Natious]

I'm going to get a small speaker and MP3 player and hide it under my sister's dresser for the exact purpose. The tricky part is finding a wall outlet that will go unnoticed as the MP3 can just loop for infinity

Sneaky, very sneaky!

I think I could get my father to accept using the program, but he just wouldn't be willing to do anything to make it happen. And my father doesn't leave the house or his room on most days so I couldn't leave it on for 24h each day.

Day 3: Today I felt amazing! The anxious resistance that I used to get on ASC is gone for now and I felt incredibly free. I'm not sure how much of this was because of ASC or E2. It's like the effects of ASC were there but with no resistance. Complete relaxation and groundedness in the body and feeling connected. It has been a long time since I last felt this good. Another thing I noticed is that I had this protective shell around me (only way I know how to describe it) which seemed to bounce off any negative stuff that would usually get to me.

I did use pheromones today though, so this might have added to the effect.

[Natious]

I decided to only give him the sub if he wants to use it. I am willing to set it up so it's no extra effort on his part, but if he's not willing then I'll let him have a choice in the matter. Even if I trust Shannon and his products to a certain degree, I also know the feeling of not trusting in something that can't be directly verified or checked like the content of the subs. I was very suspicious when I first stumbled on this site and I will keep questioning things like everyone should. However until proven otherwise, I believe Shannon's subs are trustworthy and seem to deliver what they promise.
It's like eating in a restaurant, they won't tell you the exact ingredients but if people are still alive after walking out and the food tastes great, they won't have a reason to distrust the restaurant (this is without taking into account the long term effects of certain foods).

[4Kingdoms]

My father was with me since he had to sign some documents and during the whole conversation he probably said about 2 sentences. He seemed intimidated after I expressed my anger at the bank, but he agreed with me. It's weird that my relationship with him seems more and more distant. He is a very sad man, he has pretty much given up on life, drinks every day and threatens to suicide (which he has been saying for as long as I've known him). Usually I'd say nothing or try and be supportive, but I am getting sick of his victim-hood and now just make dark jokes about it.

I decided to only give him the sub if he wants to use it. I am willing to set it up so it's no extra effort on his part, but if he's not willing then I'll let him have a choice in the matter.

While I respect your decision to give your Father the choice to listen to EHPRA 2.0; I just want to remind you that EHPRA 2.0 contains Overcome The Victim Mentality (full script). http://www.subliminal-shop.com/script-library/ I'm not sure how long you will be able to handle his "victim-hood" before it pushes you further away from him.

If you change your mind about being stealthy, I found this product on Amazon. It is a portable speaker that plays mp3 on a microSD card. Charge lasts for 10 hours. http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Multifunc...1_5&sr=8-5

[Shannon]

I'm going to get a small speaker and MP3 player and hide it under my sister's dresser for the exact purpose. The tricky part is finding a wall outlet that will go unnoticed as the MP3 can just loop for infinity

And my father doesn't leave the house or his room on most days so I couldn't leave it on for 24h each day.

Here are blank mp3's of varying lengths, but you would need a rather large sd card or mp3 for individual files. Maybe 5 hours EHPRA 2.0 and an hour blank looped would work out ok.

http://squobble.blogspot.com.au/2008/03/...le-or.html

By the way I have my mother on E2 and it's been amazing so far, she is participatory though.

why do you need to do that? It has a 20:2 minutes ratio of audio to silence built in.

[Shannon]

I decided to only give him the sub if he wants to use it. I am willing to set it up so it's no extra effort on his part, but if he's not willing then I'll let him have a choice in the matter. Even if I trust Shannon and his products to a certain degree, I also know the feeling of not trusting in something that can't be directly verified or checked like the content of the subs. I was very suspicious when I first stumbled on this site and I will keep questioning things like everyone should. However until proven otherwise, I believe Shannon's subs are trustworthy and seem to deliver what they promise.
It's like eating in a restaurant, they won't tell you the exact ingredients but if people are still alive after walking out and the food tastes great, they won't have a reason to distrust the restaurant (this is without taking into account the long term effects of certain foods).

Trust aside, I think you're letting an opportunity to make a big positive impact on his life slip away. If he's threatening suicide, that's a red flag, even if he's not serious enough to do it. It means something is very wrong regardless, and he needs help of some sort. It means he is, for whatever reason, miserable.

Now I don't know about you, but I have been suicidal during my teenage years, and genuinely so. I was diagnosed with severe depression and the difference was like night and day when they put me on antidepressants, and it only showed me just how much pain I had actually been in emotionally. I have since figured out what the cause of that issue was and fixed it myself, but regardless, he's in pain and he is suffering. If you were in such a situation, wouldn't you want someone to help you?

When I was like that I was deeply agoraphobic and socially anxious as hell. I would probably still be, if some of my best friends had not dragged me out of my bedroom to see what it's like in the social world for those first few times.

Help the man. Regardless of what you get out of it, regardless of how you do it. I happen to think wasting an opportunity to help with EHPRA 2.0 is hard to understand, but it's not my choice or my life. All I can do is urge you to help him in some way. Whatever way you think is best.

[Shannon]

why do you need to do that? It has a 20:2 minutes ratio of audio to silence built in.

So no 21 hour max on E2?

e; I suppose everyone leaves their room for atleast 20 mins to eat and wash etc.

With the built in breaks, it has a recommended maximum, not a hard maximum. No matter what you're going to get at least 2 hours and almost 11 minutes of silence in because of the built in pauses.

[Natious]

Well I don't like to admit it but I kind of am in a similar place as he is. If I didn't force myself to take the language course that I'm taking right now, I wouldn't leave my house. The only thing that used to get me out of the house before was when I got so drunk that the anxiety didn't stop me. Now being 5 months sober, I kind of don't know how to make it happen. Admitting this makes me feel incredibly weak.

Lately I feel like I care less and less about people. Maybe that's why I'm not willing to go the length to help my father. I just don't know if I care enough. It's odd, I used to be such a caring person, at least I think I used to be.