12-21-2015, 06:13 PM
D+15
The dulcet hum of the microwave nuking my burrito reminds me of wherefore I embarked on this journey of self-enrichment ...
Little wiped out after clocking a near 12-hr day in the office. But, knock on wood, I think I'm noticing some positive developments. Things have been pretty intense the past few weeks, serious things with family I can't get into. Things I didn't see coming. In terms of tangible developments, I've done a far greater job at dealing with conflict, not merely in terms of assertiveness/self-restraint but, really, trying to be forthright and honest in dealings. To the last point, I've had to admit to myself where I've been both pretty ineffectual and, dunno, possibly self-righteous (not exactly on point, but something like that).
So, my knee-jerk responses to conflict have been meliorated, I think for the best. Significantly, my overall attitude and demeanor is a little more balanced, and I'm definitely seeing this reflected back positively.
Energy and motivation is still pretty low, but I had really crashed at some point. And there's plenty that just freaking blows that would have Tony Robbins sticking his head in the oven. Thing that is difficult to take, which has me looking forward to the OF 5 (after a few months) is that at some point over the past year/18 months stress gave way to anxiety that gave way to some form of dread/trepidation that, honestly, feels a hell of a lot more like shell shock given the primal fight/flight nature of the experience than anything garden variety. Limbic system/reptilian brain crap. There is a prehistory to this (prehistories plural, I suppose), but this plus the nightmares are still holding me under water. How it feels. Still, 2 weeks in, thinking I'm seeing some improvements that do matter.
The dulcet hum of the microwave nuking my burrito reminds me of wherefore I embarked on this journey of self-enrichment ...
Little wiped out after clocking a near 12-hr day in the office. But, knock on wood, I think I'm noticing some positive developments. Things have been pretty intense the past few weeks, serious things with family I can't get into. Things I didn't see coming. In terms of tangible developments, I've done a far greater job at dealing with conflict, not merely in terms of assertiveness/self-restraint but, really, trying to be forthright and honest in dealings. To the last point, I've had to admit to myself where I've been both pretty ineffectual and, dunno, possibly self-righteous (not exactly on point, but something like that).
So, my knee-jerk responses to conflict have been meliorated, I think for the best. Significantly, my overall attitude and demeanor is a little more balanced, and I'm definitely seeing this reflected back positively.
Energy and motivation is still pretty low, but I had really crashed at some point. And there's plenty that just freaking blows that would have Tony Robbins sticking his head in the oven. Thing that is difficult to take, which has me looking forward to the OF 5 (after a few months) is that at some point over the past year/18 months stress gave way to anxiety that gave way to some form of dread/trepidation that, honestly, feels a hell of a lot more like shell shock given the primal fight/flight nature of the experience than anything garden variety. Limbic system/reptilian brain crap. There is a prehistory to this (prehistories plural, I suppose), but this plus the nightmares are still holding me under water. How it feels. Still, 2 weeks in, thinking I'm seeing some improvements that do matter.
"I dunno. I didn't go into Burger King." -- Pulp Fiction
