04-10-2015, 08:17 AM
(04-10-2015, 01:16 AM)Shannon Wrote: I didn't just allow anything to be put into it. I vetted everything that went in and everything that went in had a purpose and reason for going in. It all matters, and it's all there for specific reasons. Including EHPRA.
There are a number of options available to you, but I have to ask, what are your remaining sticking points and why are they there?
Good to hear. I'm looking forward to eventually running AM6.
I know the one that's troubled me the most is my social anxiety. It's always been the anchor holding me down. While the anxiety I experience in the moment does suck a lot, I find the more problematic issue is avoidance. It just seems like I never change enough in my behaviors, so I'm always fighting with myself to get things done. Even when I break through my comfort zone, there's always that possibility of relapse. It just feels like I'm always on edge, worried when my next mistake will be and if it will send me back to square one.
Part of the issue is I think I'm acutely aware of things around me, which has a tendency to really highlight how messed up things can be when it comes to the behaviors of other people. But I feel like I'm not strong enough to withstand it in day to day life. It wears me down and my psychological state deteriorates. Simple things like holding down a job might be hard for me if I'm not in the right environment, but I can't be too choosy when it comes to jobs especially when I'm struggling financially. It doesn't really help either when a lot of employers nowadays want you to give your heart and soul to the company, but you're just a disposable asset.
It just feels like I'm stuck. And all I really see are other people being driven by money to buy nice cars, nice houses, nice tvs, nice vacations, impress other people, etc. When I just need money to live. But it's like in the US there's this huge web of influence pushing this one way of living and it's hard to go against that and be myself. Maybe go against it isn't the right word, more like navigate it. It's setup in a way where if you don't fit the mold, you have a hard time if you don't have that solid confidence to back it up.
That came out all jumbled. The truth is, I really don't know that well anymore what holds me back. It's all so tangled up with one problem contributing to the next. To pin it all on depression or anxiety is just a gross oversimplification.
