01-08-2015, 07:45 AM
Stage 3 Day 1
Today I start stage 3 and I thought I should write down down whats going on in my life.
My relationship with my girl has deteriorated to the point that we are almost like friends now. There isn't any form of intimacy and she doesn't seem that keen on seeing me. I brought up these issues and she says it is a result of the surgery and medicine that makes her act that way and that she does want to keep seeing me. I know that the medicine is affecting her behavior and her family has also talked about that with me but I would still like to see some sort of interest from her. Right now it feels as if I have to force myself onto her in order to see her.
I have considered ending the relationship and I have found two reasons that keep me from doing it.
The first is that she is in a tough spot in life and I do not want to abandon her at this time. I value loyalty a lot and therefore I am not the kind of person who will abandon people in times of need. I don't see anything wrong with this mindset.
The second reason is what bothers me. I have realized that I have a fear of letting go because that would make me single again. I have found out that I am getting a lot of validation from having a girl and if I let her go I am essentially back to where I started more than 1.5 years ago. I had to go through a lot of approaches and rejections from women before I finally found a girlfriend and deep down I have a fear that I will have to go through all that again in order to find another one. I am apparently placing a lot of value on having a girlfriend and I don't think that is very good. I am disappointed to find out how I feel because I thought I had reached a place where I have more core confidence and don't rely on external things to make me feel good about myself.
I am still not sure how I will proceed. My girl starts radiation therapy today and I will not be able to see her during the week anymore. During this time I am working on going out a lot and meeting women to build a good social circle. I have guys in my social circle but my girl is the only woman I hang out with.
As for SM3, so far I have not noticed any internal changes but the three MILF experiences I mentioned above has me thinking that it probably is working albeit to a lesser degree than I expected. I am only 30% through the program. Let's see what happens in the next few stages.
Today I start stage 3 and I thought I should write down down whats going on in my life.
My relationship with my girl has deteriorated to the point that we are almost like friends now. There isn't any form of intimacy and she doesn't seem that keen on seeing me. I brought up these issues and she says it is a result of the surgery and medicine that makes her act that way and that she does want to keep seeing me. I know that the medicine is affecting her behavior and her family has also talked about that with me but I would still like to see some sort of interest from her. Right now it feels as if I have to force myself onto her in order to see her.
I have considered ending the relationship and I have found two reasons that keep me from doing it.
The first is that she is in a tough spot in life and I do not want to abandon her at this time. I value loyalty a lot and therefore I am not the kind of person who will abandon people in times of need. I don't see anything wrong with this mindset.
The second reason is what bothers me. I have realized that I have a fear of letting go because that would make me single again. I have found out that I am getting a lot of validation from having a girl and if I let her go I am essentially back to where I started more than 1.5 years ago. I had to go through a lot of approaches and rejections from women before I finally found a girlfriend and deep down I have a fear that I will have to go through all that again in order to find another one. I am apparently placing a lot of value on having a girlfriend and I don't think that is very good. I am disappointed to find out how I feel because I thought I had reached a place where I have more core confidence and don't rely on external things to make me feel good about myself.
I am still not sure how I will proceed. My girl starts radiation therapy today and I will not be able to see her during the week anymore. During this time I am working on going out a lot and meeting women to build a good social circle. I have guys in my social circle but my girl is the only woman I hang out with.
As for SM3, so far I have not noticed any internal changes but the three MILF experiences I mentioned above has me thinking that it probably is working albeit to a lesser degree than I expected. I am only 30% through the program. Let's see what happens in the next few stages.
