06-30-2014, 10:29 PM
I'm noticing that I am hitting two walls that doesn't seem to change quite fast/well.
The 1st is my sleep cycle. It's been messed up since I had the mid-term exam, as I stayed up really late, and that from then, I had been sleeping in the morning till mid afternoon, and would stay up really late. This also causes me to work late night for my homework and stuff that I can't get myself to sleep early. This needs to be changed.
Second, because of this, I am finding that I am having much difficulty getting my apartment cleaned up as there is a rule about noise hours and etc. And also, my laziness level (for doing housework) doesn't seem to go down. Now this is going to be a problem. (The bad weather also added to this.)
Comgined all these, I find that I haven't done any exercises for a while, which I should resume doing it again. Since I'm pretty underweight, I can't just hit the gym, I need to do body-weight training first, and then hit the gym and do weight lifting.
I again noticed a few things today. First, it seems that my definition of what an attractive girl has changed, or is changing. I went to a restaurant (due to my laziness, I'm not cooking, and I should, to save money) and while I was eating for a while, I saw this girl, whom I thought was pretty attractive in the past. Well, she was all alone, ordered stuff and was waiting alone for that take-out to come out. If I wanted, I could have approached her. But I remember the feeling that when I saw her face, my thought was "OMG, WTF has happened to you? You are not that good looking anymore." Perhaps she didn't have a make up on. Or she may have been tired. But I think this is a change in my taste for a girl. This may be due to my transfer and changing of major, in which there are more girls than guys. (About 70~80% of my major classes are girls.) Anyway, I didn't approach her to have a chat. But even now, I think that maybe I should have, just for the sake of taking, socializing, or making a new friend. I think this can be another difference caused by the sub. Before the sub, I never had urges that made me think I should approach/talk to girls or people in general. Or at least not initiate. But now, when I reflect, I regret or thinking that I should've done that. Even if there was the urge in the past, it is not as strong as now. Which is a differnce.
The second thing I noticed is my belief about marriage and sex. This was more apparent when I was reading for my theology class, which the topic was when it is virtuous to have sex. In the very past, I thought that I should just see one girl, who will be my girlfriend and will eventually become my wife. And until I get married I shouldn't have sex. This is due to my being born and raised as a Catholic as well as my parents teachings, and that is what I had. More recent past, my thoughts became totally opposite that I was an am okay with meeting several girls before getting married, and okay with having sex. (This should be obvious with my choice of the sub, though I wouldn't mind marring my PSL, if she turns out to be a wife material, but I'm also open to meeting others as well.) However, this belief wasn't that strong. But when I was reading the book about the topic, I found that I had too much resistance to it that it was quite difficult to read the material. (You know how conservative Catholics are.) In fact, I now think that the Catholic teachings are oppressive and restrictive in a way that is preventing our growth. This is also consistent with my thought in recent past, before the starting the sub, but the intensity/strength of the thought is stronger after I began using the sub.
The 1st is my sleep cycle. It's been messed up since I had the mid-term exam, as I stayed up really late, and that from then, I had been sleeping in the morning till mid afternoon, and would stay up really late. This also causes me to work late night for my homework and stuff that I can't get myself to sleep early. This needs to be changed.
Second, because of this, I am finding that I am having much difficulty getting my apartment cleaned up as there is a rule about noise hours and etc. And also, my laziness level (for doing housework) doesn't seem to go down. Now this is going to be a problem. (The bad weather also added to this.)
Comgined all these, I find that I haven't done any exercises for a while, which I should resume doing it again. Since I'm pretty underweight, I can't just hit the gym, I need to do body-weight training first, and then hit the gym and do weight lifting.
I again noticed a few things today. First, it seems that my definition of what an attractive girl has changed, or is changing. I went to a restaurant (due to my laziness, I'm not cooking, and I should, to save money) and while I was eating for a while, I saw this girl, whom I thought was pretty attractive in the past. Well, she was all alone, ordered stuff and was waiting alone for that take-out to come out. If I wanted, I could have approached her. But I remember the feeling that when I saw her face, my thought was "OMG, WTF has happened to you? You are not that good looking anymore." Perhaps she didn't have a make up on. Or she may have been tired. But I think this is a change in my taste for a girl. This may be due to my transfer and changing of major, in which there are more girls than guys. (About 70~80% of my major classes are girls.) Anyway, I didn't approach her to have a chat. But even now, I think that maybe I should have, just for the sake of taking, socializing, or making a new friend. I think this can be another difference caused by the sub. Before the sub, I never had urges that made me think I should approach/talk to girls or people in general. Or at least not initiate. But now, when I reflect, I regret or thinking that I should've done that. Even if there was the urge in the past, it is not as strong as now. Which is a differnce.
The second thing I noticed is my belief about marriage and sex. This was more apparent when I was reading for my theology class, which the topic was when it is virtuous to have sex. In the very past, I thought that I should just see one girl, who will be my girlfriend and will eventually become my wife. And until I get married I shouldn't have sex. This is due to my being born and raised as a Catholic as well as my parents teachings, and that is what I had. More recent past, my thoughts became totally opposite that I was an am okay with meeting several girls before getting married, and okay with having sex. (This should be obvious with my choice of the sub, though I wouldn't mind marring my PSL, if she turns out to be a wife material, but I'm also open to meeting others as well.) However, this belief wasn't that strong. But when I was reading the book about the topic, I found that I had too much resistance to it that it was quite difficult to read the material. (You know how conservative Catholics are.) In fact, I now think that the Catholic teachings are oppressive and restrictive in a way that is preventing our growth. This is also consistent with my thought in recent past, before the starting the sub, but the intensity/strength of the thought is stronger after I began using the sub.
