(06-28-2014, 07:26 PM)Shannon Wrote: By the way, perfectionism (Hi, I'm Shannon, and I'm a perfectionist) is usually based in insecurity. I have noticed that my fears have faded over time with BAMM 2.0, and so has my terror about not being good enough. Now I am free to focus on mastery of myself within my field in an entirely different way than before.
I do agree that perfectionism is usually based in insecurity. Let me give you an example. For instance, in the past, I had this idea about woman that my woman has to be absolutely perfect. She has to be perfect that her appearance has to be as good as the classical to modern top 10 beautiful women. She has to be also very smart, probably smart to the level near Albert Einstein or Leonardo Da Vinci. She also had to be as nice to or nicer than Teresa of Calcutta (or Mother Teresa) or nicer than her. And lastly, she has to love me. Well you get the idea about the absolute perfectionism I had about women, or my woman in general. But this is funny, as I used this to prevent from getting to know people, or advancing with women. Say, I saw a woman, or I interacted with one. I would think afterwords, she's not good for this, she's not good for that, she's not even remotely close to my standards and etc.... But in a reality, I was afraid of them, and I was afraid of what others would think of me for going out with a woman. I don't have this anymore, although I still do have quite a high standards for women, but not to that level. However, this is not due to the sub as this changed began happening before. But what I can tell you the change after I began the sub is this: I am able to admit it, and I am way more comfortable talking about it in public. Heck, I am actually writing about this now in this forum, which is pretty public space.
(06-28-2014, 07:26 PM)Shannon Wrote: And, go read The Millionaire Fast Lane if that is your goal.
My goal is not just being a millionaire. It's part of the goal, and something I would want to be (though I'm not sure if I will be satisfied with being a millionaire, or I will want more like being a billionaire.) However, I can tell this: being a millionaire or being a billionaire is a step towards my near end goal. It will be or need to be in the middle of my journey towards the end goal. That's how I think currently. After all, I've been told that I have unusually high expectations and high standards for myself, and not very easily satisfied. Sounds like a perfectionism. This again, has a bit of fear/insecurity in it as that I think what would people judge me and my parents if I accomplish so little after sacrificing so much for that long studying abroad period. But it isn't just the insecurity or the fear that's contributing it. I genuinely want more, I genuinely want to achieve that people couldn't have achieved, or even dreamed of. I think/feel that I deserve that, and I want that. After all, I do genuinely believe that once I obtain/reach that dream/goal, it will be beneficial to others as well, if not everyone. I may be delusional here, but I don't care, nor I am willing to back down. And here, the sub doesn't have any impact, unlike my other side of perfectionism. Perhaps, having these is a good thing, and maybe this will contribute manifesting my PSL. In the end, ambition is a good thing, as long as it doesn't hurt/destroy others, so I don't really see much problems here.
And Shannon, I appreciate your recommendation of the book. I will read it once I'm done with my reading list, which is quite large at a moment. Either way, I wouldn't be able to do anything, business wise, or career wise until I'm really done with the military fulfillment. --> I can't really pursue business due to my visa status, nor a career. I need to get that changed, but because I have to fulfill my military requirement, it's unlikely that I will be able to get anything done. So I have some time before reading the book to start building the stuff I need. Currently, I want to pursue graduate school. In fact, I will need it to take another step towards my goal, so that is another thing I am focusing on.
(06-28-2014, 07:26 PM)Shannon Wrote: Last but not least, if you meet your perfect sexual lover, expect to forget what school is, or why you wanted to go to class. lol
And this part, I imagine would feel wonderful or very pleasurable, and yet I am scared of it. After my transfer, I've been on the Dean's Honor list three consecutive semesters, and I don't want to mess that up. Also, as I stated above, I have big dreams, call it ambitions if you will, and I don't want this to get in the way. So, I have a little dilemma here. I do want my PSL, but I don't want her getting in my way of school, and/or my goal. But to tell you the truth, I don't think I will change my decision of using AYPSL sub for another month. Then, I will probably switch it out to something else, probably to AM, LTU, or something else that will help me.
