12-28-2013, 03:28 AM
Day 15
Ran the ultrasonic at night, this time. It was the first time I did so. First thing I've noticed was that I couldn't sleep too much last night, had only about 5 hours of sleep. But I did play the ultrasonic for at least 9 hours. Figured it was the ultrasonic as well, since I did had a milestone of a night last night with the discussion with my parents above.
I felt I want to love someone last night. I felt it so much I started crying over a scenario in my head about having a talk with an "imaginary" girlfriend. I told "her" I want to make her happy and that I'm genuinely afraid of what will be of all this because I'd feel judged. And that I felt so much of a pressure of doing the right thing that it's a burden. And I don't want that. I know I can't make the right thing every single time and that it's unrealistic of me to expect that from myself. I'm but a human being and I have a personality of my own. And that if she feels that I'm holding something back ( intimacy-related ) she should pry my head and my heart and my soul open, because I'd be OK with that.
Ran the ultrasonic at night, this time. It was the first time I did so. First thing I've noticed was that I couldn't sleep too much last night, had only about 5 hours of sleep. But I did play the ultrasonic for at least 9 hours. Figured it was the ultrasonic as well, since I did had a milestone of a night last night with the discussion with my parents above.
I felt I want to love someone last night. I felt it so much I started crying over a scenario in my head about having a talk with an "imaginary" girlfriend. I told "her" I want to make her happy and that I'm genuinely afraid of what will be of all this because I'd feel judged. And that I felt so much of a pressure of doing the right thing that it's a burden. And I don't want that. I know I can't make the right thing every single time and that it's unrealistic of me to expect that from myself. I'm but a human being and I have a personality of my own. And that if she feels that I'm holding something back ( intimacy-related ) she should pry my head and my heart and my soul open, because I'd be OK with that.
What I can be, I must be!
