12-27-2013, 01:24 PM
Have to have an update. though it isn't related to the situation, I feel I should post this.
So tonight I had a talk with my parents. I'm currently having very big trouble with them in regards to my working place and my relationships. I've made a very bad decision relocating to another town for work. The thing that bothers me is that my parents think I've solely moved for my ex ( when we were together ). But the thing is that I don't know what to think anymore. My parents have a strong influence in my life up until now. They have crap to say about every single girlfriend that I had. And that makes me think a lot. They say that I've let myself be "gamed" by all of my ex-girlfriends. And I don't believe them. Sure, the very first long term relationship I had did SOME of those things. Maybe both parties are biased in this. I know for certain that my very first did some of those things, but the rest was purely my mistake.
They keep jamming down my throat that "if you're not rich or <<have money>> you're shit" type of thing. I know it's not true. Furthermore, I know certain people that are very rich and can't date to save their lives. True, money does help, no doubt. How much, that depends on each perspective. They believe money drives confidence. Somewhat true, but that's not true confidence. If you have true confidence, money comes to you. Like women.
The thing is I don't want to fight them with my beliefs, money-wise or women-wise because it'll get me nowhere. They'll stick to their guns, I'll stick to my guns, albeit silently.
And I really, truly, madly, deeply think that there's more to the "not liking any of my girlfriends" thing than it is at the surface. I don't really know what it is for certain, I was ready to write that they want me to be dependent on them on a certain level. To them, I'm still their little boy. And that bothers me so much. I feel that I need constant approval on big matters, like work and starting my own business.
And that's really awful, because I'm 27. And I feel that every big decision of my life has been taken care for me by them. To them, I'm still the little prince that should be pampered and be placed on a cloud of safety or some sort. And I don't want that. I need to face life full on and head on. I need to make my own mistakes, even though I should learn from others' too. I need to own both my good and bad decisions, not handed to me on a silver platter. This is not the life I want. Sure, they have all the good intentions in the world, but this has got to stop. This is why I left to work in another city in the first place.
Life is not about making the best decisions all the time, it doesn't work this way. The failures make you the man you want to be. Of course, successes are equally important, but they can be very deceiving too. Failure never deceives you. It's as "in your face" as possible. And it's important what you learn from your failures, too. And not take them and attach them to you as your identity. That was my mistake. And it's not necessary the failures that shape you either, it's what importance you attach to them and what you can take from them that's powerful. Sure, one perceived "huge failure" can shake your world from it's deep roots and affect you so much that you remain cripple, but even those are beneficial if you know what to extract from them and if you move on from them.
I want to own my OWN failures, my OWN successes, my OWN decisions. And I will do just that.
So tonight I had a talk with my parents. I'm currently having very big trouble with them in regards to my working place and my relationships. I've made a very bad decision relocating to another town for work. The thing that bothers me is that my parents think I've solely moved for my ex ( when we were together ). But the thing is that I don't know what to think anymore. My parents have a strong influence in my life up until now. They have crap to say about every single girlfriend that I had. And that makes me think a lot. They say that I've let myself be "gamed" by all of my ex-girlfriends. And I don't believe them. Sure, the very first long term relationship I had did SOME of those things. Maybe both parties are biased in this. I know for certain that my very first did some of those things, but the rest was purely my mistake.
They keep jamming down my throat that "if you're not rich or <<have money>> you're shit" type of thing. I know it's not true. Furthermore, I know certain people that are very rich and can't date to save their lives. True, money does help, no doubt. How much, that depends on each perspective. They believe money drives confidence. Somewhat true, but that's not true confidence. If you have true confidence, money comes to you. Like women.
The thing is I don't want to fight them with my beliefs, money-wise or women-wise because it'll get me nowhere. They'll stick to their guns, I'll stick to my guns, albeit silently.
And I really, truly, madly, deeply think that there's more to the "not liking any of my girlfriends" thing than it is at the surface. I don't really know what it is for certain, I was ready to write that they want me to be dependent on them on a certain level. To them, I'm still their little boy. And that bothers me so much. I feel that I need constant approval on big matters, like work and starting my own business.
And that's really awful, because I'm 27. And I feel that every big decision of my life has been taken care for me by them. To them, I'm still the little prince that should be pampered and be placed on a cloud of safety or some sort. And I don't want that. I need to face life full on and head on. I need to make my own mistakes, even though I should learn from others' too. I need to own both my good and bad decisions, not handed to me on a silver platter. This is not the life I want. Sure, they have all the good intentions in the world, but this has got to stop. This is why I left to work in another city in the first place.
Life is not about making the best decisions all the time, it doesn't work this way. The failures make you the man you want to be. Of course, successes are equally important, but they can be very deceiving too. Failure never deceives you. It's as "in your face" as possible. And it's important what you learn from your failures, too. And not take them and attach them to you as your identity. That was my mistake. And it's not necessary the failures that shape you either, it's what importance you attach to them and what you can take from them that's powerful. Sure, one perceived "huge failure" can shake your world from it's deep roots and affect you so much that you remain cripple, but even those are beneficial if you know what to extract from them and if you move on from them.
I want to own my OWN failures, my OWN successes, my OWN decisions. And I will do just that.
What I can be, I must be!
