12-25-2013, 03:47 AM
Day 11
The day started off pretty bad. I felt down for a few hours in the morning but managed to pick myself up. I feel I'm the master of my feelings, being in control of my feelings more and more and be able to diffuse them when they come up.
Towards the end of the day, I took a bath and started to get angry at two of my exes. I started questioning my anger ( as in "why are you mad at HER for?" ). The thing is that I know I shouldn't be angry at anyone, even myself. I accept what has happened over these past years, I take responsibility for them. As I took responsibility for them, initially, I felt burdened or felt that I'm a bad person, but I realized that everybody makes mistakes, big or small, so really it's just a matter of accepting the fact that by making mistakes, one is not bad.
Every kick in the butt is a step forward.
But the rest of the day I felt quite at peace. I watched some movies while running the program. The current ex no longer bugs me like it did a few weeks ago. I dreamed of some other girl last night. Like every night, I dream of a different girl every night. I usually have vivid dreams, but not as often as I have since I started BIATBW.
When it comes to what feelings I have now, I feel like I don't have to "lift a finger" to get attraction. I feel pretty steady and rooted, somewhat poised ( I do have a posture problem, a fairly small one, though ). I feel I'm moving a little bit slower, with a sense of direction.
As I've mentioned before, I'm not looking for results specifically. If I happen to notice them, great, but not actively looking. The only thing I'm actually looking for is how I feel, how am I now in the present.
The day started off pretty bad. I felt down for a few hours in the morning but managed to pick myself up. I feel I'm the master of my feelings, being in control of my feelings more and more and be able to diffuse them when they come up.
Towards the end of the day, I took a bath and started to get angry at two of my exes. I started questioning my anger ( as in "why are you mad at HER for?" ). The thing is that I know I shouldn't be angry at anyone, even myself. I accept what has happened over these past years, I take responsibility for them. As I took responsibility for them, initially, I felt burdened or felt that I'm a bad person, but I realized that everybody makes mistakes, big or small, so really it's just a matter of accepting the fact that by making mistakes, one is not bad.
Every kick in the butt is a step forward.
But the rest of the day I felt quite at peace. I watched some movies while running the program. The current ex no longer bugs me like it did a few weeks ago. I dreamed of some other girl last night. Like every night, I dream of a different girl every night. I usually have vivid dreams, but not as often as I have since I started BIATBW.
When it comes to what feelings I have now, I feel like I don't have to "lift a finger" to get attraction. I feel pretty steady and rooted, somewhat poised ( I do have a posture problem, a fairly small one, though ). I feel I'm moving a little bit slower, with a sense of direction.
As I've mentioned before, I'm not looking for results specifically. If I happen to notice them, great, but not actively looking. The only thing I'm actually looking for is how I feel, how am I now in the present.
What I can be, I must be!
