12-14-2024, 02:07 PM
After three days off, I listened again yesterday, for two loops. That night I dreamed vividly. I was at a train station, but I couldn't get where I needed to go because they were cancelled for hours and hours. I called this one wealthy and successful friend of mine and he was just laughing at my situation. At the train station I had to use the public bathroom and it was disgusting.
It's odd because on the face of it, if my current ex-pat gambit doesn't work out the consequences of it really won't be all that bad. Yet there is apparently much more "shame of failure" than there is conscious fear of failure.
When I posted the other day, I was thinking about whether I could throw an additional month of E5/E6 or OGSF on top of my current run, or even contemplate doing a full 7-month run of one of those programs. Now my thinking is that this "shame of failure" aspect of my dreams and feelings lately probably does mean that there is a release of those hang-ups going on. That makes me hopeful that I can push on with the final month of OF 5.9G and be ready to start UMS in six weeks' time.
It's odd because on the face of it, if my current ex-pat gambit doesn't work out the consequences of it really won't be all that bad. Yet there is apparently much more "shame of failure" than there is conscious fear of failure.
When I posted the other day, I was thinking about whether I could throw an additional month of E5/E6 or OGSF on top of my current run, or even contemplate doing a full 7-month run of one of those programs. Now my thinking is that this "shame of failure" aspect of my dreams and feelings lately probably does mean that there is a release of those hang-ups going on. That makes me hopeful that I can push on with the final month of OF 5.9G and be ready to start UMS in six weeks' time.
