11-06-2023, 07:28 PM
I’m at the start of Stage 3.
So far UMS2 has been completely different than I expected. I expected to become tense and “grindy”.
I find that UMS2 so far, is about flow. I may be wrong about this, but it feels like it’s not just gonna make me rich, but bring me many amazing things and experiences. Most of the time I’m not thinking of money, I’m excited how awesome things are gonna get.
I feel this rising excitement, like things are about to get fucking awesome, like I somehow slipped into a secret reality where things are awesome. Like an oasis in a desert that nobody knows about.
On the other hand is the resistance. Right now I’m mostly battling things to do with scarcity and lack of social grace. I want to become magnetic to people. I want to enjoy conversations with people and give value. I’m noticing results in that area but I’m still having major blockages as well.
I want to stop coping in conversations. Stop standing there trying not to be in pain. I want to give freely, let go and enjoy, and to be able to set healthy boundaries and lead. I don’t want to be passive anymore.
I kinda wish I have been posting more, but I have my reasons. Mostly it feels bad to be constantly talking about internal changes and have a voice in the back of my head tell me I’m delusional since I have “nothing to show for it” externally.
I’m kinda digging deep into resistance lately. A lot of things from early childhood. It’s crazy that I was setup to fail even before I started school.
If I had 1 word to describe my experience of UMS2:
Magician.
So far UMS2 has been completely different than I expected. I expected to become tense and “grindy”.
I find that UMS2 so far, is about flow. I may be wrong about this, but it feels like it’s not just gonna make me rich, but bring me many amazing things and experiences. Most of the time I’m not thinking of money, I’m excited how awesome things are gonna get.
I feel this rising excitement, like things are about to get fucking awesome, like I somehow slipped into a secret reality where things are awesome. Like an oasis in a desert that nobody knows about.
On the other hand is the resistance. Right now I’m mostly battling things to do with scarcity and lack of social grace. I want to become magnetic to people. I want to enjoy conversations with people and give value. I’m noticing results in that area but I’m still having major blockages as well.
I want to stop coping in conversations. Stop standing there trying not to be in pain. I want to give freely, let go and enjoy, and to be able to set healthy boundaries and lead. I don’t want to be passive anymore.
I kinda wish I have been posting more, but I have my reasons. Mostly it feels bad to be constantly talking about internal changes and have a voice in the back of my head tell me I’m delusional since I have “nothing to show for it” externally.
I’m kinda digging deep into resistance lately. A lot of things from early childhood. It’s crazy that I was setup to fail even before I started school.
If I had 1 word to describe my experience of UMS2:
Magician.
