Day 6,
If I didn't know any better, I would have believed that I was listening to OGSF v.2. This is because I'm having challenging feelings associated with sex.
I'm reminiscing back to when I was 29 and was hooking up with enthusiastic 22 year olds, and having the irrational feeling that I did something wrong (when I know logically that I didn't) due to the age gap. I'm encountering a rumbling at the bottom of my gut, which usually associates with that worry that I would be "found out" and made to be "in trouble" back when I was much younger.
There's another time when I was a couple months shy of turning 30 and hooked up with a 23 year old. She caught feelings and never asked directly about exclusivity, but became very upset and ended things when it came out that I wouldn't want to become exclusive to her, and more angry when she learned that I fucked another woman early on in our dating. She accused me of being manipulative.
I've thought about the meaning of 'manipulation', and whether there is an acceptable amount.
My idea for its definition: "A distortion of how others perceive the playing field, great enough to lead a reasonable person into making a different decision from what they would have taken without the distortion."
If that is true, then I figured that parents, authority, women as potential romantic partners, and society at large all manipulate to a large amount.
Missing information, misrepresentations, and omission are all distortions.
And yet, they require that you play completely straight? Get the fuck out of here.
Even with that insight, the guilt I know that I would incur from both a successful and an unsuccessful manipulation prevent me from acting out that philosophy.
If I didn't know any better, I would have believed that I was listening to OGSF v.2. This is because I'm having challenging feelings associated with sex.
I'm reminiscing back to when I was 29 and was hooking up with enthusiastic 22 year olds, and having the irrational feeling that I did something wrong (when I know logically that I didn't) due to the age gap. I'm encountering a rumbling at the bottom of my gut, which usually associates with that worry that I would be "found out" and made to be "in trouble" back when I was much younger.
There's another time when I was a couple months shy of turning 30 and hooked up with a 23 year old. She caught feelings and never asked directly about exclusivity, but became very upset and ended things when it came out that I wouldn't want to become exclusive to her, and more angry when she learned that I fucked another woman early on in our dating. She accused me of being manipulative.
I've thought about the meaning of 'manipulation', and whether there is an acceptable amount.
My idea for its definition: "A distortion of how others perceive the playing field, great enough to lead a reasonable person into making a different decision from what they would have taken without the distortion."
If that is true, then I figured that parents, authority, women as potential romantic partners, and society at large all manipulate to a large amount.
Missing information, misrepresentations, and omission are all distortions.
And yet, they require that you play completely straight? Get the fuck out of here.
Even with that insight, the guilt I know that I would incur from both a successful and an unsuccessful manipulation prevent me from acting out that philosophy.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
