09-20-2023, 05:41 PM
Day 193 Pause (Break Day 16)
Taking a break is exactly what I've needed. My wit has returned. I'm happier. I'm more motivated. I have more mental energy. I'll probably take the full 4 weeks that I considered taking, but I'll know more as time goes on.
I've noticed that Maverick can intimidate. I've witnessed this in my boss, in upper management types, subordinates, and outside of work. It's obvious in the uncomfortable body language they display (repeatedly touching/scratching their ear, face, side of the neck, etc.).
Also, there appears to be something magnetic about it. I've mentioned catching my bosses gaze in meetings and being the one he holds eye contact with throughout. I had the same thing happen today, but with a client woman (who happens to be stunningly beautiful) who was stepping through the company's expectations on a certain topic. Her gaze alternated between the senior guy with my company, who sat two chairs down (with another guy in between us), and me. She alternated between the two of us...him because of his status within our company, and me because?... The first time I met her, she had a hard time holding eye contact with me. This time, she had a hard time looking away. Her eyes kept snapping back to mine. When I first realized what was happening, I had to fight the smile behind my eyes (it was a serious topic).
Last, my libido is almost non-existent. Sex rarely crosses my mind except in passing thoughts or if I force it. I'm just not interested. I can get an erection, masturbate, and have sex. But I have next to zero desire for it day to day. That's odd for me considering that I've been a horn dog for most of my life.
Maverick is still odd to me in a lot of ways. While I feel like I needed this break, and I'm clearly seeing some interesting positive effects, I'm also feeling more vulnerable. Duke's insights have helped me quite a bit, but it's still largely a mystery to me. If someone was to ask me what Maverick does, I'd probably give them the deer in the headlights stare. I really wish the Maverick Q&A write up was a little more open, particularly the part where Shannon states that he want to keep what it does and how it does it a secret. I understand that position on the 'how'. But I think the 'what' could be a little more transparent. I'd also like to know more about the aura.
That's it for now.
Taking a break is exactly what I've needed. My wit has returned. I'm happier. I'm more motivated. I have more mental energy. I'll probably take the full 4 weeks that I considered taking, but I'll know more as time goes on.
I've noticed that Maverick can intimidate. I've witnessed this in my boss, in upper management types, subordinates, and outside of work. It's obvious in the uncomfortable body language they display (repeatedly touching/scratching their ear, face, side of the neck, etc.).
Also, there appears to be something magnetic about it. I've mentioned catching my bosses gaze in meetings and being the one he holds eye contact with throughout. I had the same thing happen today, but with a client woman (who happens to be stunningly beautiful) who was stepping through the company's expectations on a certain topic. Her gaze alternated between the senior guy with my company, who sat two chairs down (with another guy in between us), and me. She alternated between the two of us...him because of his status within our company, and me because?... The first time I met her, she had a hard time holding eye contact with me. This time, she had a hard time looking away. Her eyes kept snapping back to mine. When I first realized what was happening, I had to fight the smile behind my eyes (it was a serious topic).
Last, my libido is almost non-existent. Sex rarely crosses my mind except in passing thoughts or if I force it. I'm just not interested. I can get an erection, masturbate, and have sex. But I have next to zero desire for it day to day. That's odd for me considering that I've been a horn dog for most of my life.
Maverick is still odd to me in a lot of ways. While I feel like I needed this break, and I'm clearly seeing some interesting positive effects, I'm also feeling more vulnerable. Duke's insights have helped me quite a bit, but it's still largely a mystery to me. If someone was to ask me what Maverick does, I'd probably give them the deer in the headlights stare. I really wish the Maverick Q&A write up was a little more open, particularly the part where Shannon states that he want to keep what it does and how it does it a secret. I understand that position on the 'how'. But I think the 'what' could be a little more transparent. I'd also like to know more about the aura.
That's it for now.
