05-30-2023, 08:49 PM
The secret to making progress for people like you - and I wasn't far off your situation at one time - is to make progress, no matter how little, and keep moving forward. For example, at one time I had social anxiety so bad I couldn't leave my bedroom except to eat, shower and use the bathroom. I couldn't even handle being around my own mother.
I got past that little by little by using my own subs, and finding small opportunities to make progress. Once I got out of my bedroom all the time, I worked on getting out to check the mail. Then I worked on going out to the grocery store. Then I started trying to visit the restaurant at which my friend called trivia nights. I remember being absolutely petrified with fear that first time, but I kept at it and over time, people started talking to me because they'd seen me before and I was familiar enough. Gradually, I became familiar with the restaurant, and the people who worked there, and some of the patrons. And eventually I was comfortable going to that restaurant, even though I wasn't comfortable anywhere else.
Then my friend (his name is Mike) told me the restaurant was closing, and he would be calling trivia at another restaurant. I went there, again petrified because everything was unfamiliar, but this time it was easier. I had some idea what to expect, and in a short period of time, I had made friends with the servers and the people who sat near where I sat. Back then, I always sat in the same place because I was still socially anxious, so it was a way of having familiarity, no matter how small.
Eventually I actually became popular as people started to get to know me, and as I became more and more comfortable and started showing my personality to them. They actually made my table reserved for me, nobody was allowed to sit there on Trivia night but me, and the server I preferred was always there to serve me.
Then he switched restaurants again where he was calling trivia, and this time I was much more comfortable and I didn't need to spend much time getting my bearings because I was relatively familiar with how it worked. I didn't need to sit in the same place anymore and I was able to start making friends and expressing my sense of humor - which is very playful and ridiculous when I'm relaxed. People really enjoyed my sense of humor and they started asking me to sit with their team, or to join mine for trivia night. I even had women start expressing interest in me because they liked my sense of humor and my personality. I even had a few servers start expressing interest, and even gave me their phone numbers eventually.
Mind you, all this took a couple years to play out, but it happened, and it happened because I kept pushing myself just a little bit out of my comfort zone each time I did something. Not enough to scare me back into my shell, but enough to make little steps forward, which added up over time. That's the key: small steps, but always forward. Let yourself become familiar with new people, places and situations at your own pace, and then go from there. If you don't have money to go out to restaurants a lot, then go to places where you can go for free.
Another big thing that I did was I stopped judging myself. I realized that no matter what a person looks like, someone will think you're ugly, someone will think you're beautiful and most people just won't give a fuck, or they'll think you're average. And, I also realized another key fact: what other people think of me does not matter. What matters is what I think of me. So stop judging yourself because you're bigger than you want to be. Stop using it as a convenient excuse to continue hiding from the world. It becomes a vicious cycle for a lot of very emotional people. They fear criticism, so they seek comfort and entertainment in food, which makes them gain weight because they're eating instead of doing. Then they get criticism from people who don't even matter, and they give it way too much importance because they are letting everyone else tell them what to think of themselves (instead of deciding that for themselves) and they then hide and go eat more instead of doing, because they're bored and because the food makes them feel secure for a minute or two. Which makes them gain weight, and reinforces hiding, which reinforces eating instead of doing...
Little steps forward. It's okay to be uncomfortable, just don't try to move faster than you can handle and acclimate to.
I have an idea for you that I think you would really enjoy and it's likely going to be something you'll find hugely entertaining. It's also guaranteed to get people to start talking to you. Go get yourself a metal detector, and get out there with it. Every find is a "What have I found?" moment. And people love to ask questions. Voila, you're out of the house, outside doing instead of eating, and you're having fun, getting exercise and meeting new people. And you can get a great metal detector for not a lot of money if you go look at what Nokta Makro produces. Their Simplex line is great for beginners, and if you have a little more money and or you decide you really enjoy the hobby, then a Nokta Makro Legend is hard to beat. Currently, it's 95% of the capability of the best detectors on the market, and it's a fraction of the price. There are lots of different brands and price levels for metal detectors, but Nokta Makro is hands down the best for value, with their Simplex detectors having features that weren't even on my $1,200+ detectors before Nokta Makro showed up. They an amazing value for the money you spend. And they're hungry, meaning they're pushing hard to get better and competing hard with the best out there. For example, I spent $900 on my Minelab Equinox 800 a few years ago, and the Simplex+ does everything it does, and some things even better, but it's only off by about 1% in terms of finding everything the Equinox 800 can find. It's also in the $200 range. How crazy is that?!
On top of that, metal detecting is a hobby that will actually pay you back if you stick with it. You can find coins, jewelry and even sometimes historical artifacts, depending on where you hunt. If you're in England, you're lucky as hell, because you have literally thousands of years of history that you could be digging up in farm fields and pastures and at the beaches. I live on the "treasure coast" of Florida, but I've never found any treasure. I live in a city that was founded in 1963, and the best I can find in my city is modern coins. I have to go to the beach to find good stuff.
If this interests you, there's a great channel on YouTube that I think you'll find enjoyable to learn from by an Englishman named Joan Allen. Throw his name in with "metal detecting" and you'll find him. Quite informative, even for an old timer like me in this hobby. And entertaining, too. There's lots of channels about metal detecting, and you can learn a lot, but the key is to get the hell out of the house and go find something interesting!
Hope this helps.
I got past that little by little by using my own subs, and finding small opportunities to make progress. Once I got out of my bedroom all the time, I worked on getting out to check the mail. Then I worked on going out to the grocery store. Then I started trying to visit the restaurant at which my friend called trivia nights. I remember being absolutely petrified with fear that first time, but I kept at it and over time, people started talking to me because they'd seen me before and I was familiar enough. Gradually, I became familiar with the restaurant, and the people who worked there, and some of the patrons. And eventually I was comfortable going to that restaurant, even though I wasn't comfortable anywhere else.
Then my friend (his name is Mike) told me the restaurant was closing, and he would be calling trivia at another restaurant. I went there, again petrified because everything was unfamiliar, but this time it was easier. I had some idea what to expect, and in a short period of time, I had made friends with the servers and the people who sat near where I sat. Back then, I always sat in the same place because I was still socially anxious, so it was a way of having familiarity, no matter how small.
Eventually I actually became popular as people started to get to know me, and as I became more and more comfortable and started showing my personality to them. They actually made my table reserved for me, nobody was allowed to sit there on Trivia night but me, and the server I preferred was always there to serve me.
Then he switched restaurants again where he was calling trivia, and this time I was much more comfortable and I didn't need to spend much time getting my bearings because I was relatively familiar with how it worked. I didn't need to sit in the same place anymore and I was able to start making friends and expressing my sense of humor - which is very playful and ridiculous when I'm relaxed. People really enjoyed my sense of humor and they started asking me to sit with their team, or to join mine for trivia night. I even had women start expressing interest in me because they liked my sense of humor and my personality. I even had a few servers start expressing interest, and even gave me their phone numbers eventually.
Mind you, all this took a couple years to play out, but it happened, and it happened because I kept pushing myself just a little bit out of my comfort zone each time I did something. Not enough to scare me back into my shell, but enough to make little steps forward, which added up over time. That's the key: small steps, but always forward. Let yourself become familiar with new people, places and situations at your own pace, and then go from there. If you don't have money to go out to restaurants a lot, then go to places where you can go for free.
Another big thing that I did was I stopped judging myself. I realized that no matter what a person looks like, someone will think you're ugly, someone will think you're beautiful and most people just won't give a fuck, or they'll think you're average. And, I also realized another key fact: what other people think of me does not matter. What matters is what I think of me. So stop judging yourself because you're bigger than you want to be. Stop using it as a convenient excuse to continue hiding from the world. It becomes a vicious cycle for a lot of very emotional people. They fear criticism, so they seek comfort and entertainment in food, which makes them gain weight because they're eating instead of doing. Then they get criticism from people who don't even matter, and they give it way too much importance because they are letting everyone else tell them what to think of themselves (instead of deciding that for themselves) and they then hide and go eat more instead of doing, because they're bored and because the food makes them feel secure for a minute or two. Which makes them gain weight, and reinforces hiding, which reinforces eating instead of doing...
Little steps forward. It's okay to be uncomfortable, just don't try to move faster than you can handle and acclimate to.
I have an idea for you that I think you would really enjoy and it's likely going to be something you'll find hugely entertaining. It's also guaranteed to get people to start talking to you. Go get yourself a metal detector, and get out there with it. Every find is a "What have I found?" moment. And people love to ask questions. Voila, you're out of the house, outside doing instead of eating, and you're having fun, getting exercise and meeting new people. And you can get a great metal detector for not a lot of money if you go look at what Nokta Makro produces. Their Simplex line is great for beginners, and if you have a little more money and or you decide you really enjoy the hobby, then a Nokta Makro Legend is hard to beat. Currently, it's 95% of the capability of the best detectors on the market, and it's a fraction of the price. There are lots of different brands and price levels for metal detectors, but Nokta Makro is hands down the best for value, with their Simplex detectors having features that weren't even on my $1,200+ detectors before Nokta Makro showed up. They an amazing value for the money you spend. And they're hungry, meaning they're pushing hard to get better and competing hard with the best out there. For example, I spent $900 on my Minelab Equinox 800 a few years ago, and the Simplex+ does everything it does, and some things even better, but it's only off by about 1% in terms of finding everything the Equinox 800 can find. It's also in the $200 range. How crazy is that?!
On top of that, metal detecting is a hobby that will actually pay you back if you stick with it. You can find coins, jewelry and even sometimes historical artifacts, depending on where you hunt. If you're in England, you're lucky as hell, because you have literally thousands of years of history that you could be digging up in farm fields and pastures and at the beaches. I live on the "treasure coast" of Florida, but I've never found any treasure. I live in a city that was founded in 1963, and the best I can find in my city is modern coins. I have to go to the beach to find good stuff.
If this interests you, there's a great channel on YouTube that I think you'll find enjoyable to learn from by an Englishman named Joan Allen. Throw his name in with "metal detecting" and you'll find him. Quite informative, even for an old timer like me in this hobby. And entertaining, too. There's lots of channels about metal detecting, and you can learn a lot, but the key is to get the hell out of the house and go find something interesting!
Hope this helps.
Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
