03-07-2023, 01:47 PM
March 7, 2023 (cont.)
My day wasn't emotionally tense, but I did have one conversation with a shop mechanic which showed me where my mind's been.
I was closing down my area at the end of my day, and I had to return some keys to a spot close to this mechanic. I said hello, and I thought I saw a quick disapproving look from him. I saw it, and cautiously asked if there was anything he or the other mechanics knew that I needed to be aware of or change, such as leaving messes and such.
He easily said, "No. Why'd you ask?" And I admitted I was being hypersensitive, and thought I caught a look from him. He smiled and admitted his look was not about me at all, as he'd been sick and hadn't been sleeping much recently. He felt like shit when he'd rather have stayed home.
We talked another minute, I turned to leave, then turned around again to ask his opinion on a (female) manager's decision for another employee this morning. I wondered if it was fact or just another attempt at rule-making coupled with a common tone of "I did it because I'm a manager". He shared it was likely a rule since he's been working for the company a number of years, and managers often don't have wiggle room with such issues.
So, I was assuming guilt when by the male mechanic, and distrust at much of what the female manager states as fact. That's pretty consistent with my normal mentality around both sexes.
One thing I'll admit is the willingness to take responsibility is louder right now. It feels better than dodging important stuff.
My day wasn't emotionally tense, but I did have one conversation with a shop mechanic which showed me where my mind's been.
I was closing down my area at the end of my day, and I had to return some keys to a spot close to this mechanic. I said hello, and I thought I saw a quick disapproving look from him. I saw it, and cautiously asked if there was anything he or the other mechanics knew that I needed to be aware of or change, such as leaving messes and such.
He easily said, "No. Why'd you ask?" And I admitted I was being hypersensitive, and thought I caught a look from him. He smiled and admitted his look was not about me at all, as he'd been sick and hadn't been sleeping much recently. He felt like shit when he'd rather have stayed home.
We talked another minute, I turned to leave, then turned around again to ask his opinion on a (female) manager's decision for another employee this morning. I wondered if it was fact or just another attempt at rule-making coupled with a common tone of "I did it because I'm a manager". He shared it was likely a rule since he's been working for the company a number of years, and managers often don't have wiggle room with such issues.
So, I was assuming guilt when by the male mechanic, and distrust at much of what the female manager states as fact. That's pretty consistent with my normal mentality around both sexes.
One thing I'll admit is the willingness to take responsibility is louder right now. It feels better than dodging important stuff.
I want to be FREE!
