OGSF5.9G: Time to meet my true self

[Shannon]

First, are you sure these issues are from OGSF?



Second, are you sure that if they are, that it doesn't just mean you're now working through issues that cause you a lot of anxiety?



Third, are you thinking your subconscious doesn't like this experience because it's not working?



What are your current usage patterns and volume? 



If every time things get a little uncomfortable you seek relief, you're going to always be at the mercy of those parts of you that don't want to change, grow, face their issues, or heal.  Let's figure out more about what's going on for you and try to understand why and if there is a better option than your current usage patterns.

1 and 2: Yeah I do start to think it's because the experience is working. (because I'm also constantly switching from confident to anxiety and from anxiety to confident)

That's the Tidal effect.  You make progress, it scares some part of you, that part u-does some of the progress, and then relaxes.  Then you make more progress when it relaxes, and it repeats, but!  Since this isn't the first time it's happened, it's not as scary, and there is push back, but not enough to erase all the progress.  Sort of like 2 steps forward, 1 step back.  Still progress.

3: No I think my subconscious doesn't like it, is because I feel like it's fighting against it but I could also confused it for working (I guess messing up Experiences became one of my recent fears aswell..)

 

You can stop blaming and punishing yourself for making mistakes now.    Do you know and understand why your subconscious self is fighting the program?

Although I'm not gonna lie, Recently I do ask myself of why am I afraid of doing something like asking my friend is I could hangout (answer: I fear the rejection, like having no time or intrest) 

Why would you fear rejection unless you were making it their responsibility for you to be worth spending time with?  You need to work on internalizing your own sense of self worth in that you understand that what other people say and do and choose does not reflect on what value you hold in any way.

4: My usage patterns are: 5 loops, 4 days on, 4 days off, Ultrasonic, 9 clicks. 

How are the days on vs days off?

5: It's true I'm an emotionale eater and my Life in generale is at a worry state at the moment... and I still dont have the part where I feel confident about myself (lack of skills and knowledge doesn't help much either) 

Self confidence stems from having a positive self image.  You are very judgemental of and critical of yourself, and I suspect you learned that from your...

6: Mayby I'm also focussing to much on that energy feeling I feel when listening to it... mayby it makes sense that it gets weaker over time? (or atleast less noticable)

As you are getting used to the change?

7: I also appeared to have lost some weight despite eating more. (no idea if the expierence has something to do with it but I still mention it just in case)

Interesting.

8: Also It's very noticible that 2 parts of me are fighting each other: the part who wants the change that paid for the experience and the part who want the things to stay the same because it's easy and safe.

Does one side seem to be winning at this point?