02-23-2023, 02:09 AM
Feb. 23, 2023
1st rest day
E5 is pretty active in me, but on what I'm unsure. i've considered writing the last 2 days, but it felt real tender and my normal writing could not be done. "Normal" meaning throwing quick disconnected responses up. I wouldn't do it.
My confindence is being challenged.
I've spent my entire life making sure people liked me, thought well of me, and accepted me. That "normal' life feels very untruthful, even having me wonder who the hell I am yesterday and what I stand for. No answers have been found, but finding those answers isn't what my mind and heart are searching for. It's wanting to free itself from the noose of lies I'm living out. That reality is feeling like it's crumbling.
I'm feeling uncomfortable in this reality, but since it's used as a shield from life, I know this is good. It feels like Universal Detox with trauma clearing, and that's hit a new fear.
I'm gonna stop. More whining is creeping up, but i wanted to admit some stuff.
P.S. I'm considering going to ultrasonic next cycle. i've been listening to masked loops, and it keeps me awake some nights since I listen from midnight on. US will allow me to listen when going to bed since there's no audible sound. I also expect it to have more push vs. masked.
1st rest day
E5 is pretty active in me, but on what I'm unsure. i've considered writing the last 2 days, but it felt real tender and my normal writing could not be done. "Normal" meaning throwing quick disconnected responses up. I wouldn't do it.
My confindence is being challenged.
I've spent my entire life making sure people liked me, thought well of me, and accepted me. That "normal' life feels very untruthful, even having me wonder who the hell I am yesterday and what I stand for. No answers have been found, but finding those answers isn't what my mind and heart are searching for. It's wanting to free itself from the noose of lies I'm living out. That reality is feeling like it's crumbling.
I'm feeling uncomfortable in this reality, but since it's used as a shield from life, I know this is good. It feels like Universal Detox with trauma clearing, and that's hit a new fear.
I'm gonna stop. More whining is creeping up, but i wanted to admit some stuff.
P.S. I'm considering going to ultrasonic next cycle. i've been listening to masked loops, and it keeps me awake some nights since I listen from midnight on. US will allow me to listen when going to bed since there's no audible sound. I also expect it to have more push vs. masked.
I want to be FREE!
