02-20-2023, 11:33 AM
Cycle 2, Day on 1
Here's a little recap off my 4 days off:
I noticed I became slightly more sociale and the thought of what people would think of me became less.
I got mood switches sometimes overly happy and sometimes very sad.
The sadness comes mainly from the fear of losing my friends again (because my D&D sessions might be cancelled forever because 2 of my friends broke up with each other) and to be honest
I never really learned to start taking inniative to plan something with my friends, Like how I never really learned how to start a conversation..
In the past people always came to me and we somehow bonded but as life went on, I always lost them over the times untill I met someone on youtube who brought me to other people in friend group..
Later on she left but she still brought my great friends and we had lots of meetings.. untill once again life went on.. but I had a few of those friends with whom I played D&D but since 2 of those broke up in a relationship.
I'm sure that great time will be over as well..
So I kinda realised one of my biggest fear is: Loneliness...
and I truely hope that at the end of this experience that fear will just go away and I will finally start to love myself...
and just be happy, Even talk with random folk and so on...
I'm pretty sure my want for a girlfriend is also related to the fear of loneliness...
Oh well, I'm starting the second cycle right after this post so lets see what will happen in the next 4 months.
Here's a little recap off my 4 days off:
I noticed I became slightly more sociale and the thought of what people would think of me became less.
I got mood switches sometimes overly happy and sometimes very sad.
The sadness comes mainly from the fear of losing my friends again (because my D&D sessions might be cancelled forever because 2 of my friends broke up with each other) and to be honest
I never really learned to start taking inniative to plan something with my friends, Like how I never really learned how to start a conversation..
In the past people always came to me and we somehow bonded but as life went on, I always lost them over the times untill I met someone on youtube who brought me to other people in friend group..
Later on she left but she still brought my great friends and we had lots of meetings.. untill once again life went on.. but I had a few of those friends with whom I played D&D but since 2 of those broke up in a relationship.
I'm sure that great time will be over as well..
So I kinda realised one of my biggest fear is: Loneliness...
and I truely hope that at the end of this experience that fear will just go away and I will finally start to love myself...
and just be happy, Even talk with random folk and so on...
I'm pretty sure my want for a girlfriend is also related to the fear of loneliness...
Oh well, I'm starting the second cycle right after this post so lets see what will happen in the next 4 months.
