Feb. 9, 2023
2nd rest day
OGSF in E5 is working in me, as my super critical supervisor has been getting under my skin. It touches something deep in me, and it reminds me of believing I'm powerless.
I just realized something while writing. When young, I always relied on my older brother much more than normal. When he left suddenly in his teens, I believed I was powerless for a time.
My supervisor projecting his mental drama on me makes me feel responsible for his poor outlook and moods. I go there first out of habit, ultimately blaming myself.
Seriously, when I was younger I took full ownership of this mess. Noone ever questioned my thinking since noone asked. So my present confusion is from self-blame and powerless on one side, and growing awareness of pain and anger on the other.
That's where I am today.
Thankfully, I sense some resolution in this. OF is breaking past the fear that’s kept this in place.
2nd rest day
OGSF in E5 is working in me, as my super critical supervisor has been getting under my skin. It touches something deep in me, and it reminds me of believing I'm powerless.
I just realized something while writing. When young, I always relied on my older brother much more than normal. When he left suddenly in his teens, I believed I was powerless for a time.
My supervisor projecting his mental drama on me makes me feel responsible for his poor outlook and moods. I go there first out of habit, ultimately blaming myself.
Seriously, when I was younger I took full ownership of this mess. Noone ever questioned my thinking since noone asked. So my present confusion is from self-blame and powerless on one side, and growing awareness of pain and anger on the other.
That's where I am today.
Thankfully, I sense some resolution in this. OF is breaking past the fear that’s kept this in place.
I want to be FREE!
