02-03-2023, 04:29 PM
Feb. 3, 2023 (cont.)
I think I'm seeing what E5 is doing.
A short while ago I was watching the end of this movie, and I felt myself trying to reimmerse myself in someone else's reality. I tried numerous times while watching it, all unsuccessfully, and I've done that since childhood.
What I realized is E5 is letting me see how attached I've been to such fantasies, and when I imagined letting some go, it felt strangely empowering. I wasn't riddled with pain and desperation. No, it was closer to peace and purpose. I think my mind has created those bad emotional states to hang on to that perception of "truth".
Also, I felt Overcome the Victim Mentality when imagining writing this (15 minutes back). MUCH of my imagined writings share some form of "I can't....", and since that whining isn't working (even in my imagination), I've been forced to look at other ways to relate to people, both here and in real life. My biggest reason for holding onto this pain-making strategy is all fear connected. And OF has been busy.
1 more rest day. Not sure what to expect, and I'm kind of glad.
I think I'm seeing what E5 is doing.
A short while ago I was watching the end of this movie, and I felt myself trying to reimmerse myself in someone else's reality. I tried numerous times while watching it, all unsuccessfully, and I've done that since childhood.
What I realized is E5 is letting me see how attached I've been to such fantasies, and when I imagined letting some go, it felt strangely empowering. I wasn't riddled with pain and desperation. No, it was closer to peace and purpose. I think my mind has created those bad emotional states to hang on to that perception of "truth".
Also, I felt Overcome the Victim Mentality when imagining writing this (15 minutes back). MUCH of my imagined writings share some form of "I can't....", and since that whining isn't working (even in my imagination), I've been forced to look at other ways to relate to people, both here and in real life. My biggest reason for holding onto this pain-making strategy is all fear connected. And OF has been busy.
1 more rest day. Not sure what to expect, and I'm kind of glad.
I want to be FREE!
