01-31-2023, 05:15 PM
Jan. 31, 2023
Cycle 1, Day 2
I just got finished doing everything I needed to do so I'm ready for work tomorrow. Now, this is not my norm. I've never been so adamant about being ready EVER. I'll know I should do this, do that, prep this, etc., and I usually do some of it. However, something in E5 woke up today, and it's hanging on.
I was working with a coworker today, and he's about 20 years my junior. A good guy, he's been married 10 years already, but I began getting irritated by him seemingly dragging out our day (he was driving all day and I was on the back, so his speed determined whether we finished or not). He was on his phone a lot, even while driving. But why would this irritate me so? Some drivers I've worked with did this non-stop, but something was different (in my thinking).
When I began imagining sharing my frustration with him, I saw it. I wanted to be finished. And he was somewhere else mentally. So why? Why was I getting pissed off? I finally saw and felt it, and it was E5 allowing me to see my dragged-out emotional healing projected onto his on-and-off driving momentum. I did NOT want to waste any time. Each 5-20 second delay (him finishing a text at each stop) seemed LOUD and useless to me. I was projecting my shit all over him. So, of course, I never told him about it.
And maybe the beginning of that came in the morning. Early in the work day I had this imagined "now" moment, feeling and seeing myself being loved and loving with anyone around me. I felt so joyful and happy that I could move and breathe while being free from the emotional lead weights that I'd called "normal". I think it was the most awesome 30 seconds I've ever experienced
I've never had this need for completion before. I'm thinking it's Shannon's insistence in the script that we work to actually face ourselves and our histories. To not drag out our healing. Because....damn, I'm still fired up.
Cycle 1, Day 2
I just got finished doing everything I needed to do so I'm ready for work tomorrow. Now, this is not my norm. I've never been so adamant about being ready EVER. I'll know I should do this, do that, prep this, etc., and I usually do some of it. However, something in E5 woke up today, and it's hanging on.
I was working with a coworker today, and he's about 20 years my junior. A good guy, he's been married 10 years already, but I began getting irritated by him seemingly dragging out our day (he was driving all day and I was on the back, so his speed determined whether we finished or not). He was on his phone a lot, even while driving. But why would this irritate me so? Some drivers I've worked with did this non-stop, but something was different (in my thinking).
When I began imagining sharing my frustration with him, I saw it. I wanted to be finished. And he was somewhere else mentally. So why? Why was I getting pissed off? I finally saw and felt it, and it was E5 allowing me to see my dragged-out emotional healing projected onto his on-and-off driving momentum. I did NOT want to waste any time. Each 5-20 second delay (him finishing a text at each stop) seemed LOUD and useless to me. I was projecting my shit all over him. So, of course, I never told him about it.
And maybe the beginning of that came in the morning. Early in the work day I had this imagined "now" moment, feeling and seeing myself being loved and loving with anyone around me. I felt so joyful and happy that I could move and breathe while being free from the emotional lead weights that I'd called "normal". I think it was the most awesome 30 seconds I've ever experienced
I've never had this need for completion before. I'm thinking it's Shannon's insistence in the script that we work to actually face ourselves and our histories. To not drag out our healing. Because....damn, I'm still fired up.
I want to be FREE!
