01-28-2023, 06:00 AM
Jan. 28, 2023
Before drinking some coffee this morning, I had a sensation I've had once this past week. It's that feeling that all the effort I've used to hide from reality constantly isn't working. I'm on day 3 of a 4-day weekend, and EHPRA has kept me aware this whole time how I keep seeking illusions and falsehoods, which has been a lifestyle norm for me.
My reasons for not pursuing real wealth and relationships?
It's so damn clear to me right now. I've not seriously and purposely committed to pursuing anything like that since...... I've sought a fantasy instead. And I've known it. I've not sought things that were natural and in my line of sight since ...... things that actually work don't work in my mental fantasies. And fear has relied upon itself, growing steadily, ultimately making my lifeview become smaller and smaller.
And this is new. I've been in my "now" often, imagining and fantasizing about living differently. But.....that's all a fantasy. Life is lived, not fantasized about non-stop.
I need to go for a walk.
Before drinking some coffee this morning, I had a sensation I've had once this past week. It's that feeling that all the effort I've used to hide from reality constantly isn't working. I'm on day 3 of a 4-day weekend, and EHPRA has kept me aware this whole time how I keep seeking illusions and falsehoods, which has been a lifestyle norm for me.
My reasons for not pursuing real wealth and relationships?
It's so damn clear to me right now. I've not seriously and purposely committed to pursuing anything like that since...... I've sought a fantasy instead. And I've known it. I've not sought things that were natural and in my line of sight since ...... things that actually work don't work in my mental fantasies. And fear has relied upon itself, growing steadily, ultimately making my lifeview become smaller and smaller.
And this is new. I've been in my "now" often, imagining and fantasizing about living differently. But.....that's all a fantasy. Life is lived, not fantasized about non-stop.
I need to go for a walk.
I want to be FREE!
