01-06-2023, 06:16 PM
just a few moments after the first post I became an asshole (not that I wasn't for the last couple pf days) or rather I started to feel my hatred towards life and most important, myself, then I just try to feel it, comprehend why I feel this way, why I hate everything, this might not be the whole answer but it is something, it all comes down to the same problem, rejected by everyone since I was a kid and since that happened I wanted to be accepted so I became just as those people who were unable to accept me or rather accept that shadow of themselves which led myself to reject myself just as those people did, always doing what I was told, always trying to get their good side, to the point of believing the same as those motherfuckers, rejecting myself, doing what I was told even if didn't want to, to the point of believing that shit was more important than me, even now I'm angry, I'm very angry right now as I write this for those assholes and for being unable to break free from that, I can understand a little better the causes of my depression, I was feeling frustrated, no matter what I did it never changed a damn thing, those idiots were never happy, I was never happy and even if I did what I want I just felt guilt and shame as if I was doing something wrong, but now I'm done with that shit, they can go to hell (with "they" I refer to the part of myself that internalized those people), now I can start to loving myself for the first time in my life.
