10-26-2022, 01:19 PM
Increasing the loops to six seems to have been a good idea so I will stick to it for the run; doesn't feel like another increase is imminent. Had deep, restful sleep with some pretty vivid dreams most probably related to the sub and success (like 'zero-to-hero' stories), didn't even want to wake up because I wanted to dream away, lol. Still, got up to get some work done and have been working pretty much throughout the day with a little time off for shopping and eating.
It feels like ever since my stay at the mental hospital all my coping mechanisms/defense mechanisms against my trauma-based subconscious issues have fallen and now I'm shedding all the fear, sense of loss and feelings of inadequacy which is not exactly a pleasant process but feels like it's progressing. Fortunately I knew who to contact as regards therapy and the person is great at what she does and is really helping.
It also feels like I'm shedding all the stress and the feelings of worthlessness I've acquired through my professional life (mostly professional recently, though personal stuff comes up sometimes as well but I've already made great progress with that). What I hate the most right now is how lonely I get sometimes - the company of people gives me some "time off" from the symptoms most of the time (though I was even afraid of leaving my apartment for some time there, but that's supposed to be par for the course during and after a psychotic episode from what I've been told).
Pretty much what I've been doing recently is de-stressing/trying to relax, working, searching for translation gigs, returning to my practicing my singing and going to that body movement class I've been attending for some time now (it was actually recommended to me at the psych ward to do so. When my symptoms were increasing I stopped attending for some time, go figure) which is great because I get to be in touch with people and it's mostly attractive women, too.
Hoping for things to start looking up day after day. I'm beating psychosis, now it's time to beat depression and anxiety, and then maybe finally win at life, haha. I'd love some winning at life for a change.
It feels like ever since my stay at the mental hospital all my coping mechanisms/defense mechanisms against my trauma-based subconscious issues have fallen and now I'm shedding all the fear, sense of loss and feelings of inadequacy which is not exactly a pleasant process but feels like it's progressing. Fortunately I knew who to contact as regards therapy and the person is great at what she does and is really helping.
It also feels like I'm shedding all the stress and the feelings of worthlessness I've acquired through my professional life (mostly professional recently, though personal stuff comes up sometimes as well but I've already made great progress with that). What I hate the most right now is how lonely I get sometimes - the company of people gives me some "time off" from the symptoms most of the time (though I was even afraid of leaving my apartment for some time there, but that's supposed to be par for the course during and after a psychotic episode from what I've been told).
Pretty much what I've been doing recently is de-stressing/trying to relax, working, searching for translation gigs, returning to my practicing my singing and going to that body movement class I've been attending for some time now (it was actually recommended to me at the psych ward to do so. When my symptoms were increasing I stopped attending for some time, go figure) which is great because I get to be in touch with people and it's mostly attractive women, too.
Hoping for things to start looking up day after day. I'm beating psychosis, now it's time to beat depression and anxiety, and then maybe finally win at life, haha. I'd love some winning at life for a change.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
