10-23-2022, 07:45 AM
Feels like the program is fighting to convince me that I, indeed, am not the most worthless person in the universe who deserves to be sad, lonely, jobless and unsuccessful loser, which appears to be a deeply held belief (which was standing in the way of all subliminal execution on my part, but I had quite a number of moments when they worked despite that) which I was even trying to repress and which hit me straight in the face during that psychotic episode I had. I am working through it in therapy, so hopefully I will get over it sooner or later. Therapy's working, meds are working.
I do get the occasional glimpse of optimism, though, and managed to land a somewhat stable translation gig last month with somewhat-decent income. Working on increasing the number of translation jobs I get, looking for good opportunities. I have returned to practicing my singing but with moments of feeling utterly hopeless - which pass every now and again and then it's business as usual (keep working, stick to the plan, see what comes of it, be on the lookout for opportunities, maybe the cause isn't utterly lost yet).
Feeling like getting lots of sleep after listening to USLM loops for the day, gonna have to watch that to not miss out on too many translation jobs. Still suffering from loneliness, but that's related to the fact that I was cutting off contact with people whom I consider toxic to my person. I get times when I feel like that was a bad idea and now the loneliness is my punishment, lol. It isn't, it's just a thing that is. Waiting for translation jobs to come in and for good things to start happening; fortunately I'm past most of my post-psychosis anxiety now but it's still there from time to time.
My relationship with my parents has improved drastically through my dealing with psychosis. They are being very supportive and owing to that I managed to forgive them a lot. Now I just have to work through all the BS that has left on my psyche.
I do get the occasional glimpse of optimism, though, and managed to land a somewhat stable translation gig last month with somewhat-decent income. Working on increasing the number of translation jobs I get, looking for good opportunities. I have returned to practicing my singing but with moments of feeling utterly hopeless - which pass every now and again and then it's business as usual (keep working, stick to the plan, see what comes of it, be on the lookout for opportunities, maybe the cause isn't utterly lost yet).
Feeling like getting lots of sleep after listening to USLM loops for the day, gonna have to watch that to not miss out on too many translation jobs. Still suffering from loneliness, but that's related to the fact that I was cutting off contact with people whom I consider toxic to my person. I get times when I feel like that was a bad idea and now the loneliness is my punishment, lol. It isn't, it's just a thing that is. Waiting for translation jobs to come in and for good things to start happening; fortunately I'm past most of my post-psychosis anxiety now but it's still there from time to time.
My relationship with my parents has improved drastically through my dealing with psychosis. They are being very supportive and owing to that I managed to forgive them a lot. Now I just have to work through all the BS that has left on my psyche.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
