02-06-2022, 04:46 PM
Today I realized this subliminal isn't working, hasn't worked to diminish fear in me.
I came home and instantly did a calculation on how long I've been listening to this subliminal. It's been about 5 1/2 months.
Here's what 5 1/2 months of this subliminal has done for me so far.
1) I decided to take an additional job on top of my current main job despite the scary prospect of crazy long days and high stress. For about a month, I was working 16 - 18 hour days. I got through it and decided I didn't want to do it anymore. I guess I overcame my fears to try that crazy work load. But weeks later, I recalled I've done double-dip jobs before so it's not unprecedented in my life.
2) Overall apathy instead of anxiety. I'm not an anxious person in general but when the prospect of doing something unnerving or risky presents itself, I freeze up and flee. So, after months of this OF subliminal, I still avoid and fail to do the thing I fear but instead observe myself thinking, "So what" "What difference would it make anyway?". Not what I was hoping for from this subliminal.
3) TODAY, I experienced the best example of how this subliminal has been a waste of time. I was at a store and noticed one cute girl, then another cute girl in a different aisle. I did my usual thing which is just avoid crossing paths with them so avoid seeming like the creepy guy who wants to talk to them but is too lame to start a conversation (the truth). I ended up in the same aisle with one and saw the other pass close by and both times I wanted so much to start a conversation but was completely paralyzed with FEAR. Just like every other time in my life.
So 5 1/5 months and that's my story. I'll ride it out to 6 months because that's what the instructions say, but what difference will it make at this point?
It's disheartening that not even a hint or a whisper of change happened in my relationship to fear. I mean after this long with the subliminal, shouldn't I have at least had some courage to TRY starting a conversation with an attractive woman in a store?
MGTOW, here I come.
I came home and instantly did a calculation on how long I've been listening to this subliminal. It's been about 5 1/2 months.
Here's what 5 1/2 months of this subliminal has done for me so far.
1) I decided to take an additional job on top of my current main job despite the scary prospect of crazy long days and high stress. For about a month, I was working 16 - 18 hour days. I got through it and decided I didn't want to do it anymore. I guess I overcame my fears to try that crazy work load. But weeks later, I recalled I've done double-dip jobs before so it's not unprecedented in my life.
2) Overall apathy instead of anxiety. I'm not an anxious person in general but when the prospect of doing something unnerving or risky presents itself, I freeze up and flee. So, after months of this OF subliminal, I still avoid and fail to do the thing I fear but instead observe myself thinking, "So what" "What difference would it make anyway?". Not what I was hoping for from this subliminal.
3) TODAY, I experienced the best example of how this subliminal has been a waste of time. I was at a store and noticed one cute girl, then another cute girl in a different aisle. I did my usual thing which is just avoid crossing paths with them so avoid seeming like the creepy guy who wants to talk to them but is too lame to start a conversation (the truth). I ended up in the same aisle with one and saw the other pass close by and both times I wanted so much to start a conversation but was completely paralyzed with FEAR. Just like every other time in my life.
So 5 1/5 months and that's my story. I'll ride it out to 6 months because that's what the instructions say, but what difference will it make at this point?
It's disheartening that not even a hint or a whisper of change happened in my relationship to fear. I mean after this long with the subliminal, shouldn't I have at least had some courage to TRY starting a conversation with an attractive woman in a store?
MGTOW, here I come.
