Transcendental Sith Lord's UMSv2 Journal/ Few weeks of E5

[DarthXedonias]

@Shannon that first part was more of a question of whether you have heard of any state of the mind that is similar to what I had described. Reason being that when I described that time when it felt like I basically had taken the on the memories of a version of myself that would be more conducive to executing the program you knew about that particular idea, etc. Wanted to see if you knew what this particular state was like.

Guess I will do a wrap up for this sub since new DMSI is pretty imminent and I plan on running it. I did have one other major breakthrough with fear that translated into real, concrete results. It was after a simple revelation. Basically the things I fear aren't even worth fearing because if there are multiple different realities based on different choices, that means in those realities there are some where those fears don't come to past or don't exist. If that is true fear is not needed at all. I just need to make the right choices then that results in those certain realities. After I realized this simple fact it was a major change. The most noticeable change is the lack of procrastination I have now. This is a huge change because for the longest time I have had a long history with procrastination and now its just really gone for the most part. I also notice my mindset changed to the idea that the path to victory is done in steps. You need to do the steps that lead to where you want to be every single day. You can just dream about it and drag your feet. That will get you no where.

I have also decided on one other thing, that essentially I need to move out of here again. My hatred and anger against my mother is basically gone but at the same time that doesn't blind me to the fact that if I have her influence around its more likely to stifle me again. Even more so since I'm trying to save and invest to get an house and I can't do that with her asking continually for 600 USD every month for rent and now since rent has gone up she's asking for 1000 USD in rent. If I have to start paying that much that means the job with the good pay is less of a reason to stay now, especially in California. Essentially, with that taken out of my paycheck every month I now might as well go somewhere else. I basically have 3 options now of which they all have their own pros and cons. I can go back to teach English in China where I will only work 13 hours a week, get paid 3k a month, not have to worry about needed expenses except for food on the weekend when the cafeteria is closed, and due to the low hours of work I have enough time to get my degree done finally.

The cons of that option are that China won't be revising their entry requirements until probably this summer. So once I enter I won't be leaving until that is revised or else I would have to do quarantine all over again. The other issue is that of the great firewall which means I might need to find a way to use the VPN (which I will have regardless) during my proctored exams for my degree. The 2nd option is that I go to stay with my father in the house I will inherit eventually anyway. He currently lives in an suburb like town right outside of Houston. He said I can stay there no issue and the only thing I would have to pay for is the internet and that's it. I looked into jobs in the area and quite honestly I feel like the economy there as far as variety of jobs is a lot better than San Francisco. Pay is generally lower but costs are a lot lower as well. The only con I can think of is something I will keep private for now but that's the only one I think.

There is one benefit in that if this new DMSI really works well I noticed there are quite a few very high paying sales jobs in the solar industry. When I mean high paying I mean 90k to 200k potentially. So if DMSI worked very, very well I do think I could get one of those jobs and save up all that extra money then have the amount I need for the deposit for the property in Latin America along with paying off some other debts. The third option which I am also looking into is that I do an internal transfer in my company to Dallas, Texas. I would keep the same pay but also since its a newer place I would also get an housing allowance and a daily food allowance. So I basically wouldn't have to touch my base pay for much of anything. This option also have very few cons to it. This is really big for me as this is me really just getting rid of any fear and if I'm not happy with something I just change it. In this case my mother is way too negative and complains about every single thing.

I do admit this is probably one thing why in some regards I'm ok with not being in a relationship with anyone because I do notice this habit in some women of just finding anything to complain or nag about and it gets very irritating. Since clearing up my issues I have even less tolerance for negative and complaining people. Probably because I noticed these type of people don't want to actually solve their issues. No that would be too scary for them.. so they rather just complain about them while doing absolutely nothing. So essentially I'm done being around her. I think I will save up and do some fixes on my car at my current job for another 2 months then I will leave. I will actually start packing up what things I will be taking with me permanently soon. Even if I choose the China options I will probably be driving to my father's place and dropping all my other stuff over there. I have no intention of coming back here again.

I do have other reasons as well why I don't want to return. I just don't want to be here in California. I have noticed this attitude in my mother but also others here. The attitude of this idea that simply being they live in California that makes them "better" than everyone else. Its hard to describe but its like this attitude as if everyone else in the country (besides New York and Maybe Washington state) are just backwards people or something. Like this kind of coastal elitist attitude. I do find that somewhat comical as so many people I know here are literally working 2 jobs just to survive the extremely high cost of living here. So if I had to sum up the results due to the fear removal I would say I am way less hesitant to take action now. If I decide I don't like the situation I am in then i will change it. Simple as that.

In other news I would like to say I'm pretty darn sure I am getting DMSI TID now and its starting to show externally. Before it was mainly internal things like sexual confidence and the belief that I could get any woman that I wanted. Even women making like lots of money or actresses. Now I'm starting to notice things here and there that make me think its showing external effects. Mainly women becoming more clingy to the point of annoyance. Also one woman who before said she only saw me as a friend when we finally met up (to be honest I felt similarly though I changed my mind after I started to heal myself a bit) and now I'm starting to notice the changes when we chat. Her actually initiating contacting me more, etc.

If DMSI comes out this week I do think I will have one of the best environments to test it out in. I will actually be going to Cartagena, Colombia next week and be there for close to a week. I will be meeting at least one woman I have been talking to over the last 2 to 3 months. I might be meeting another but not totally sure yet. However I think overall this might be a good place to test this out. I was going to go to Venezuela to visit some women there but the prices for flights there are too darn high.

Lastly before I forget I have noticed that E5 have made 2 other changes. Mainly that I might start getting annoyed or even angry about something but then I stop myself very quickly and I think "why am I allowing this to get myself worked up over and letting it ruin my day?". I find that most of the stuff I was getting upset over didn't really mean anything in the long term so there is no point getting upset about those things. Even in those times I do allow myself to get upset about something I just allow it for maybe a few minutes to maybe an hour then I move on. I expressed my emotions and now I'm done with that so its best to move on. Another thing is I don't like listening to the same type of music as much. I like listening to lofi or relaxing, Jazz type music more now. Either way that's about all i have to say for now. I will probably be starting another journal a week to maybe 2 weeks after the new DMSI comes out. I find now that I usually like to gather a bit more info after using the sub a while then start a new thread than start one right when i start using the sub. Wish everyone luck with the new DMSI.