11-09-2021, 04:00 PM
@CatMan Thanks. I do believe the analysis issue was due to it trying to make me safe and I think that has to do with my family really. Mainly that I saw many family members make dumb, stupid decisions without any thought of the consequences. Therefore I feel like i went the complete opposite of them and tried to analyze things a lot before I made a decision. Nothing bad with that to an extent but it seems to be very fear based and gets out of hand. Glad it's not an issue anymore. It seems like I can get the gist of a situation now after looking at some information and just take action.
As far as the sub is going another Breakthru after the last cycle. Mainly that now I know the sub is the priority program running in the background in the mind. Its like I can just feel it in the back of my mind directing me and more importantly I have basically identified with it. I think its because when last ran it I basically thought of I just want to accept it fully and i wanted it to be "real" to me than anything else was. I wanted the instructions and corresponding beliefs to be more real to me than even my external environment. I think that was the main point that pushed it through. There are plenty of examples in history of powerful people who based on their upbringing and external circumstances didn't even look like they would get to where they were. In the end all they had was their beliefs and how willing they were to do what they had to do in order to get where they wanted. Some of this can range from ethically sound to ethically questionable. Regardless they were really to change themselves, periodically and willingly in order to get to where they wanted to be.
I sometimes think (even though i haven't fully thought this out yet) that maybe your desire and will to get to a certain place in life or to accomplish something has to outweigh your fears. Or maybe your just naturally a not very fearful person to begin with so fulfilling your will and desires is a lot more easier. It has given me something to think about. As for fear, guilt and shame they are barely there anymore. I don't even think the fear of death is really there anymore after that kind of psychological death and rebirth I had. Emotional pain is almost non-existent at this point. It feels like that idea that pain is just a part of life thing that we tell us doesn't really hold much weight. It feels like if we just understand the reasons why something makes us upset or hurts us we will just deal with it and not feel much of anything. I think I've gotten to that point. Good example, just today one of the women that I was planning on visiting and maybe have stay with me in Latin America basically said she doesn't want to be in a relationship and feels like she doesn't really need or want anyone at the moment.
Funny the old "version" of me would have been heart broken and tried to persuade her to reconsider like some pathetic beta chump. Now, I literally didn't have it affect me at all. I did say if we could still keep in contact and i could contact her when I got down there. She said yes, and that was basically it. It was more of a "Well, your lost then" type attitude. I do put this down to maybe 2 things actually. the direct affects of E5 but then also a compound affect of TID from DMSI. I say this because also I have noticed I've actually had this real belief that I could get any woman I want, even one with a lot more money and social status than myself (as perceived by the world anyway). I think this might be compounded by the fact that I think E5 clearing up lots of garbage from my mind has basically made me more susceptible to TID from future subs I might run.
I do really "believe" those fears and other negative things are gone now. I think that is the crux as the sub was trying to get me to understand. In order to execute you need to actually "believe" as a requirement. I think this was a sticking point for so long because lets just say even though I now know belief in this world is a given I had so much problem with maybe separating this from "blind" belief which brought on this very extreme version of skepticism. Maybe because I have had a bad problem in the past with certain things that I believed to be true only to find out they were false. Doesn't matter what level (historical, political, philosophical, etc) and therefore I have built up this too inflexible shield as I don't want to be deceived as it were. I think I have come to a good point as far as reconciling belief and evidence. Both are needed in this world. No matter how smart you are or how knowledgeable there is going to be a point where you might need to make a decision quickly. All you will have is the info available to you at the time and you will just need to believe and hope that you make the right decision. If not either way you will need to deal with the consequences.
I think I have finally seen how blind I was. How I thought I was so rational but it wasn't true rationality. Its was the appearance of rationality but it was motivated by nothing but fear. I realize my error now and I have decided to learn from it and move on. I could just do what most people do. They waste years if not decades of their lives having false beliefs or perceptions about the world then when confronted with real life evidence that shatters that belief system or set of ideas they choose to make excuses or rationalities for continue holding. Mainly I believe so that they can protect their "ego investment". So they don't have to come to the brutal understanding that they have wasted years or decades of their lives investing their ego, money, time and emotions in something that was false.
There is another way to view this those. Instead of thinking of it like that maybe one could simply say "Well, now I don't have to waste even more of my life believing in something that isn't true and live according to what is?". I find the latter way of reacting to this a way more productive way doing things. Unfortunately it seems like most of us as a species go with the former and that is why I feel like most of us don't get to where we want to be. Instead of realizing were wrong and reforming our beliefs and views to conform with reality we rather try to force reality to conform to out own false beliefs and ideas. Though I don't want to make that a hard rule as given the subs current results there does seem to be some connection between belief and reality that I don't fully understand yet. Just kind of thinking out loud for now.
Other than that I just feel great and happy. Can't remember the last time I have felt this happy and free. I do see after all this clearing that I am very close to the future that I want and that future has even changed a bit do to changes within myself now. Its funny as well don't really have any neediness either. I have plenty of women i plan on meeting in latin America once I'm able to yet I'm not nearly contacting them on whatsapp as I used to. Some I have kept on contact with while other have fallen off over the months which I don't even care anymore. At this point i can confidently say that if all the girls I were talking to suddenly decided to not talk to me again i wouldn't even care. I would just say "Oh well, that is unfortunate" and get on with my life. They aren't a priority for me anymore, they are just a part of my life and can just as easily not be a part of my life and I am ok with that.
I think that's about it for now. I do know eventually i might need to go back to MLS as my studies are really being affected at this moment. I'm kind of procrastinating on this one project simply because I'm not interested all that much in the programming language being taught for it (C++). I'm thinking of just accelerating through the class with the basic knowledge because quite frankly the things I want to do in computer science as far as jobs and research more have to do with Python (AI and Machine learning) or Java (android app development, etc). I've thought about expanding into Javascript as well just so I could get jobs in web development as well if i need to. Just want to increase my chances of getting a remote job then moving to Latin America (or the Philippines is still an option).
As far as the sub is going another Breakthru after the last cycle. Mainly that now I know the sub is the priority program running in the background in the mind. Its like I can just feel it in the back of my mind directing me and more importantly I have basically identified with it. I think its because when last ran it I basically thought of I just want to accept it fully and i wanted it to be "real" to me than anything else was. I wanted the instructions and corresponding beliefs to be more real to me than even my external environment. I think that was the main point that pushed it through. There are plenty of examples in history of powerful people who based on their upbringing and external circumstances didn't even look like they would get to where they were. In the end all they had was their beliefs and how willing they were to do what they had to do in order to get where they wanted. Some of this can range from ethically sound to ethically questionable. Regardless they were really to change themselves, periodically and willingly in order to get to where they wanted to be.
I sometimes think (even though i haven't fully thought this out yet) that maybe your desire and will to get to a certain place in life or to accomplish something has to outweigh your fears. Or maybe your just naturally a not very fearful person to begin with so fulfilling your will and desires is a lot more easier. It has given me something to think about. As for fear, guilt and shame they are barely there anymore. I don't even think the fear of death is really there anymore after that kind of psychological death and rebirth I had. Emotional pain is almost non-existent at this point. It feels like that idea that pain is just a part of life thing that we tell us doesn't really hold much weight. It feels like if we just understand the reasons why something makes us upset or hurts us we will just deal with it and not feel much of anything. I think I've gotten to that point. Good example, just today one of the women that I was planning on visiting and maybe have stay with me in Latin America basically said she doesn't want to be in a relationship and feels like she doesn't really need or want anyone at the moment.
Funny the old "version" of me would have been heart broken and tried to persuade her to reconsider like some pathetic beta chump. Now, I literally didn't have it affect me at all. I did say if we could still keep in contact and i could contact her when I got down there. She said yes, and that was basically it. It was more of a "Well, your lost then" type attitude. I do put this down to maybe 2 things actually. the direct affects of E5 but then also a compound affect of TID from DMSI. I say this because also I have noticed I've actually had this real belief that I could get any woman I want, even one with a lot more money and social status than myself (as perceived by the world anyway). I think this might be compounded by the fact that I think E5 clearing up lots of garbage from my mind has basically made me more susceptible to TID from future subs I might run.
I do really "believe" those fears and other negative things are gone now. I think that is the crux as the sub was trying to get me to understand. In order to execute you need to actually "believe" as a requirement. I think this was a sticking point for so long because lets just say even though I now know belief in this world is a given I had so much problem with maybe separating this from "blind" belief which brought on this very extreme version of skepticism. Maybe because I have had a bad problem in the past with certain things that I believed to be true only to find out they were false. Doesn't matter what level (historical, political, philosophical, etc) and therefore I have built up this too inflexible shield as I don't want to be deceived as it were. I think I have come to a good point as far as reconciling belief and evidence. Both are needed in this world. No matter how smart you are or how knowledgeable there is going to be a point where you might need to make a decision quickly. All you will have is the info available to you at the time and you will just need to believe and hope that you make the right decision. If not either way you will need to deal with the consequences.
I think I have finally seen how blind I was. How I thought I was so rational but it wasn't true rationality. Its was the appearance of rationality but it was motivated by nothing but fear. I realize my error now and I have decided to learn from it and move on. I could just do what most people do. They waste years if not decades of their lives having false beliefs or perceptions about the world then when confronted with real life evidence that shatters that belief system or set of ideas they choose to make excuses or rationalities for continue holding. Mainly I believe so that they can protect their "ego investment". So they don't have to come to the brutal understanding that they have wasted years or decades of their lives investing their ego, money, time and emotions in something that was false.
There is another way to view this those. Instead of thinking of it like that maybe one could simply say "Well, now I don't have to waste even more of my life believing in something that isn't true and live according to what is?". I find the latter way of reacting to this a way more productive way doing things. Unfortunately it seems like most of us as a species go with the former and that is why I feel like most of us don't get to where we want to be. Instead of realizing were wrong and reforming our beliefs and views to conform with reality we rather try to force reality to conform to out own false beliefs and ideas. Though I don't want to make that a hard rule as given the subs current results there does seem to be some connection between belief and reality that I don't fully understand yet. Just kind of thinking out loud for now.
Other than that I just feel great and happy. Can't remember the last time I have felt this happy and free. I do see after all this clearing that I am very close to the future that I want and that future has even changed a bit do to changes within myself now. Its funny as well don't really have any neediness either. I have plenty of women i plan on meeting in latin America once I'm able to yet I'm not nearly contacting them on whatsapp as I used to. Some I have kept on contact with while other have fallen off over the months which I don't even care anymore. At this point i can confidently say that if all the girls I were talking to suddenly decided to not talk to me again i wouldn't even care. I would just say "Oh well, that is unfortunate" and get on with my life. They aren't a priority for me anymore, they are just a part of my life and can just as easily not be a part of my life and I am ok with that.
I think that's about it for now. I do know eventually i might need to go back to MLS as my studies are really being affected at this moment. I'm kind of procrastinating on this one project simply because I'm not interested all that much in the programming language being taught for it (C++). I'm thinking of just accelerating through the class with the basic knowledge because quite frankly the things I want to do in computer science as far as jobs and research more have to do with Python (AI and Machine learning) or Java (android app development, etc). I've thought about expanding into Javascript as well just so I could get jobs in web development as well if i need to. Just want to increase my chances of getting a remote job then moving to Latin America (or the Philippines is still an option).
"I have no use of disciples. Let everyone be their own true follower" - Nietzsche
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