Anazing how fearless and solid I am in public. I did notice some insecurity coming up, recognizing it for what it is and let it run out of steam. No matter whats going on right now, my front/presentation to the world is solid. Eye contact is solid, simply cruising while driving.
I had some memories coming up, scenarios, faint impact but vivid about my mother. How she is literally stuck in a victim mindset, closed off, glued at whatever spikes her attention. This seemed to be my main issue. Her basically rejecting anything in favor of mindless entertainment and bs, while stating deflective "idk" like im a bother. Hurts to write this.
Yesterday, at my fathers birthday ( bless him ) this pattern came back aswell. I noticed quick buildup resulting in outburst, but it felt...different this time? Progress. It pisses me off how people have a brain but refuse to think and say "wait a minute, what is being said here and am I accepting it without question?" Critical thinking and assessment hello?! It makes me want to have to do nothing with her anymore. There, I said it. Absence = power.
Dissapointment and expectations..
Whatever is in the air, the walking around like im a piece of meat is back! I almost can see people salivate lmao. And you know what? Im so completely cool with that! Im fine, no reactionairy responses from my subcobscious, nothing. Interactions are so good. Social, just completely chill.
Also, shame. What shame?! Im sayin, OF seems to make big, abubdant waves, obvious. Why? Because of FRM doing its thing, allowing for bigger changes to take place!
Edit: forget to add, im having more and more an sense of wanting to talk to someone about this, another perception, like im sad or something. Its one thing to read sun tzu, machiavelli, musashi, diplomat and militairy material, its another ( or is it?) to actually feel this desire of wanting to talk about breaking completely with my mother and never wanting to see her again.
I had some memories coming up, scenarios, faint impact but vivid about my mother. How she is literally stuck in a victim mindset, closed off, glued at whatever spikes her attention. This seemed to be my main issue. Her basically rejecting anything in favor of mindless entertainment and bs, while stating deflective "idk" like im a bother. Hurts to write this.
Yesterday, at my fathers birthday ( bless him ) this pattern came back aswell. I noticed quick buildup resulting in outburst, but it felt...different this time? Progress. It pisses me off how people have a brain but refuse to think and say "wait a minute, what is being said here and am I accepting it without question?" Critical thinking and assessment hello?! It makes me want to have to do nothing with her anymore. There, I said it. Absence = power.
Dissapointment and expectations..
Whatever is in the air, the walking around like im a piece of meat is back! I almost can see people salivate lmao. And you know what? Im so completely cool with that! Im fine, no reactionairy responses from my subcobscious, nothing. Interactions are so good. Social, just completely chill.
Also, shame. What shame?! Im sayin, OF seems to make big, abubdant waves, obvious. Why? Because of FRM doing its thing, allowing for bigger changes to take place!
Edit: forget to add, im having more and more an sense of wanting to talk to someone about this, another perception, like im sad or something. Its one thing to read sun tzu, machiavelli, musashi, diplomat and militairy material, its another ( or is it?) to actually feel this desire of wanting to talk about breaking completely with my mother and never wanting to see her again.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
