Day 117 break
Flashbacks from several instances are surfacing regarding my childhood. Faces, people I remember out of no-where. Instances of cold responses. Part of it has to do with those snakes I broke away from. Controlling bullshit, especially later in my sub journey this became a thing. Manipulative, passive agressive attitudes. They where never my friends, they were users, along with dosis of disrespect.
AM6 unconvered this and started it all back then. I also blame my father for his shitty ways of upbringing, when it comes to me as a kid. Its child abuse to tell your kid to ignore bullies, instead of telling your kid "when they mess with you, fuck em up" never cultivate passiveness nor bs in your kid. Teach your kid to be a warrior. The teachings from my father is something that im still working on, as it never taught me boundaries as a kid. It made me a target for bullies and turned my rage inwards. Idc what anyone says, its unforgivable to do that to a child and you are a failure as a dad, betraying masculinity and neglecting the warrior spirit to pass forward. The damage is deep.
Now, in my mind I have the thought going around of being blackmailed. Bs stories for those snakes to have the upperhand, which are a strong suspicion. I wont stand for it. To have bs stories going around, badmouting, and people taking their side. We used to have similar connections. Now im pissed, and somewhat..."paranoid" furious.
Im allowing it to process and run its course. I might start up loops again tonight.
Flashbacks from several instances are surfacing regarding my childhood. Faces, people I remember out of no-where. Instances of cold responses. Part of it has to do with those snakes I broke away from. Controlling bullshit, especially later in my sub journey this became a thing. Manipulative, passive agressive attitudes. They where never my friends, they were users, along with dosis of disrespect.
AM6 unconvered this and started it all back then. I also blame my father for his shitty ways of upbringing, when it comes to me as a kid. Its child abuse to tell your kid to ignore bullies, instead of telling your kid "when they mess with you, fuck em up" never cultivate passiveness nor bs in your kid. Teach your kid to be a warrior. The teachings from my father is something that im still working on, as it never taught me boundaries as a kid. It made me a target for bullies and turned my rage inwards. Idc what anyone says, its unforgivable to do that to a child and you are a failure as a dad, betraying masculinity and neglecting the warrior spirit to pass forward. The damage is deep.
Now, in my mind I have the thought going around of being blackmailed. Bs stories for those snakes to have the upperhand, which are a strong suspicion. I wont stand for it. To have bs stories going around, badmouting, and people taking their side. We used to have similar connections. Now im pissed, and somewhat..."paranoid" furious.
Im allowing it to process and run its course. I might start up loops again tonight.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
