08-08-2021, 02:12 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-08-2021, 04:59 AM by Kol.
Edit Reason: Additions and corrections
)
Day 76
Had lots of dreams involving one of my mentors, the teachings and what not. It was...interesting. sharing in a group setting. I noticed my struggle in it but corrections in a natural growth way took place. I can faintly recall different environments yet leave it at there.
Im disrooting tons of excuses. It clicked.
Im letting go off attachments. I dont like how im dependent in some way. As I was hitting the shower, I started to reflect on this, on growth, dependencies and what not. It possibly has to do with my upbringing, being a good worker, loyal, friendly, people liking me. I see the same coming back nowadays, people in general like me, living for praise basically. But being dependent, especially in our current times, hell to the nah. Ive done it before, just ditching and it brought me clarity of mind and insight, to be not in chains. There has to be a strategic way. When I said F it, the river flowed instantly. Guilt is another one.
Dependency. Its a thing. I let it sit for a bit. No conclusions atm. What keeps my busy with this is, if the party im dependent on falls away, then what? Seem whole society is wired like this. Also, its stiffling, a selling myself short and not being independent self governing, a waste of creative juices and spurit inside. Guilt is massive in this, hearing the bs stories instead of pushing forward. Doom and gloom crabs in a bucket.
Had lots of dreams involving one of my mentors, the teachings and what not. It was...interesting. sharing in a group setting. I noticed my struggle in it but corrections in a natural growth way took place. I can faintly recall different environments yet leave it at there.
Im disrooting tons of excuses. It clicked.
Im letting go off attachments. I dont like how im dependent in some way. As I was hitting the shower, I started to reflect on this, on growth, dependencies and what not. It possibly has to do with my upbringing, being a good worker, loyal, friendly, people liking me. I see the same coming back nowadays, people in general like me, living for praise basically. But being dependent, especially in our current times, hell to the nah. Ive done it before, just ditching and it brought me clarity of mind and insight, to be not in chains. There has to be a strategic way. When I said F it, the river flowed instantly. Guilt is another one.
Dependency. Its a thing. I let it sit for a bit. No conclusions atm. What keeps my busy with this is, if the party im dependent on falls away, then what? Seem whole society is wired like this. Also, its stiffling, a selling myself short and not being independent self governing, a waste of creative juices and spurit inside. Guilt is massive in this, hearing the bs stories instead of pushing forward. Doom and gloom crabs in a bucket.
