Mystic Boldness, Courageous Pymp, OF3 journal

[Mystic Pymp]

Day 33

I don't like whining and beaching posts but I feel like it and maybe someone will give me an advice.

I'm weak. I'm terribly weak physically. Yesterday I was helping my flatmate moving a desk weighing maybe 50kg and I was shaking. We did this and even we didn't damage the desk but damn. That should be easy for 2 grown ass men. Today I got my furniture delivery (extremely fast, I'm beyond shocked) and guess what? I could barely move 30kg packages. I did this, alone, but it was exhausting. Not in terms of fatigue, I have that covered. But after these two adventures I can feel my damn arms and back. I went back home hoping to get some work done but as of now it's in vain. I'm just too tired, cannot concentrate and I long for a nap.

My walking regiment made my legs strong and helps me loose my weight but my overall strength is laughable. As soon as I get my crap together and start a new work I'll be hitting a gym, no questions about it!

Interesting thing that may have happened due to OF. Then the furniture came I was thinking that maybe I can put it together myself. I mean I have entire, it should be possible. But after the exercise I was so tired and couldn't concentrate that I gave up on the idea. I didn't start anything from the fear I'd screw up something during the assembly. Me and my flatmate will try to do this later today, if not then I'll probably find some trusty guys to do this for money or good alcohol. We'll see.

And that's funny about my whole situation right now. I don't know what I will do tomorrow. Maybe I will be packing as all the furniture I need will be ready. Or maybe I will have day of my work as I will wait for the crew to assemble my stuff. I cannot plan now. It should make me anxious right now but, to be honest, I'm too sick and tired for this now. If things go badly, at the end of this adventure I will be behind on my work and I will have to face the fallout of it all. So be it. I'm ready, I have to be.

EDIT

I just realize why this is so important to me. I've been living in the city for 9 years now but made it my home maybe 3-4 years ago. This especially was cemented with the death of my father, where I had to distance myself form my family home because of general renovations done soon after. I had to become fully self-sufficient, so longer running to my mommy and daddy every odd weekend. And I had to make place where I live home. Now I face losing this place and replacing it with new. Every time before when I was moving I wasn't moving to a new home but simply place to sleep and rest in between study/work and visits to home. Now, in the aftermath of my father's death and later COVID, home office etc. I'm moving, for the first time, to a new home. To a place I will have to make my home. I had anxieties like this before as well but they were eased by frequent visits at my parents'. Now this is not an option. I'm losing the home I have without owning a new one yet. That's scary.