07-26-2021, 04:20 AM
Day 25
As I focus on here-and-now problems and no longer wonder about hypotheticals as much as I did over a week ago I find myself in sadder but more grounded reality. I remember at times I'd say the the world and life seem magical. Now is the opposite of that. Life now seems harsh, down-to-earth and lacking any vibrant color. Brown, gray and yellow instead of lush green or bloody red. Also as I tackle one problem another one takes its place. But at least I tackle them instead of running away to my childhood home.
The 3 issues I focus myself on right now are finishing my work, losing weight and NoFap. As for the first I've been talking about it too much already. As for the second I'm forcing myself to go for my walks with mixed results. I also started exercising but had to stop because I got toothache coming from my sinuses. I can't lie on my side or bend down without feeling in. Awesome. I'd go to the dentist but I'd rather wait as once I start my new job I'll have better healthcare. Dentist is not the only doctor I wanna visit to be honest anyway.
As for NoFap I'm on my third day now. I struggle in moments of boredom but so far it's manageable. I find NoFap to be difficult as one stray thought is enough to get you into a spiral of "why even bother, just do it and get some relief". No chinks in the armor built out of anger I described last time though. I really wanna change and I'm sick of my situation in some areas in which masturbation only grinds me down even more.
As I focus on here-and-now problems and no longer wonder about hypotheticals as much as I did over a week ago I find myself in sadder but more grounded reality. I remember at times I'd say the the world and life seem magical. Now is the opposite of that. Life now seems harsh, down-to-earth and lacking any vibrant color. Brown, gray and yellow instead of lush green or bloody red. Also as I tackle one problem another one takes its place. But at least I tackle them instead of running away to my childhood home.
The 3 issues I focus myself on right now are finishing my work, losing weight and NoFap. As for the first I've been talking about it too much already. As for the second I'm forcing myself to go for my walks with mixed results. I also started exercising but had to stop because I got toothache coming from my sinuses. I can't lie on my side or bend down without feeling in. Awesome. I'd go to the dentist but I'd rather wait as once I start my new job I'll have better healthcare. Dentist is not the only doctor I wanna visit to be honest anyway.
As for NoFap I'm on my third day now. I struggle in moments of boredom but so far it's manageable. I find NoFap to be difficult as one stray thought is enough to get you into a spiral of "why even bother, just do it and get some relief". No chinks in the armor built out of anger I described last time though. I really wanna change and I'm sick of my situation in some areas in which masturbation only grinds me down even more.
For not by numbers of men, nor by measure of body, but by valor of soul is war to be decided.
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
~Belisarius, the last Roman
Certitude is for the puzzle-box logicians and girls of white glamour [...]. I am a letter written in uncertainty.
~36 Lessons of Vivec, Sermon 4
