18/7/21
1st day off. Ran loops all night. Im pretty optimistic. Funny shit. I aint even worried at all. Just relapsed and having a huge drive. The worries simply aint there.
Shower and gym it is.
Edit: yesterdays BBQ left an impact. It is temporary but its hitting nonethless. I notice more fearlessness in general ( the weather has some nice girls walking the streets while driving and the difference due to OF is noticable ) the BBQ yesterday has me still triggered, sad, emotional. There are moments I feel robbed of a future, and would I not come across Shannons subs, Idk where I would be. Behind bars? Killed myself by whatever means? I used to blame myself, and ive done some things ( very much along the lines of what @NOMAD wrote by having skeletons in the closet. But yes, abuse took place, neglect, upbringing,being blamed and gaslighted, mocked silenced and censored. Even yesterday I caught it and it hurted. Behind the back gossip and remarks. Call em out and they play the victim. Im sick and tired of their mind-games. Homicidal from a place of hurt, threatening my parents with killing them. Ive done it all, but I saw no other way. Being silenced and told it cant be done triggers me and now I see why.
1st day off. Ran loops all night. Im pretty optimistic. Funny shit. I aint even worried at all. Just relapsed and having a huge drive. The worries simply aint there.
Shower and gym it is.
Edit: yesterdays BBQ left an impact. It is temporary but its hitting nonethless. I notice more fearlessness in general ( the weather has some nice girls walking the streets while driving and the difference due to OF is noticable ) the BBQ yesterday has me still triggered, sad, emotional. There are moments I feel robbed of a future, and would I not come across Shannons subs, Idk where I would be. Behind bars? Killed myself by whatever means? I used to blame myself, and ive done some things ( very much along the lines of what @NOMAD wrote by having skeletons in the closet. But yes, abuse took place, neglect, upbringing,being blamed and gaslighted, mocked silenced and censored. Even yesterday I caught it and it hurted. Behind the back gossip and remarks. Call em out and they play the victim. Im sick and tired of their mind-games. Homicidal from a place of hurt, threatening my parents with killing them. Ive done it all, but I saw no other way. Being silenced and told it cant be done triggers me and now I see why.
