Mystic Boldness, Courageous Pymp, OF3 journal

[Mystic Pymp]

Congrats on 1,000 posts!

Thanks Shannon. It's been a long journey and a lot is still ahead of me, but I will keep on keeping on.

Day 10 off

Finally at my mother's. Yesterday we've had a long conversation up to 2AM talking about life, love and all that good stuff. Talking like this with my mom is often times frustrating. She knows me so well and we are similar but at the same time our views differ. She's from the older generation, so much more traditional. Also, despite what I would call "pragmatic religiosity" she's very materialistic, going through the motions and petty problems of life and heeding little attention for higher ideas. That makes her at this point quite a tragic character, being able to find little solace when things are rough.

As for me I had an interesting experience today. I was thinking about my fears and why I sabotage myself e.g. with masturbation. And when I started thinking about being in relationship and how my life would look like without the sabotage - and mind you I've done this exercise already - I got scared. And not subconsciously scared but consciously, I could feel the fear and aversion. I have no idea what happened, maybe OF is pushing these fears out to the open?

I was also trying to do some exercises inspired by the recent Shannon's post where I'd ask myself what are the lessons I need to learn in this life. So far little came out of this, probably I have some serious blockages that keep me from entertaining the ideas than come up.