Day 7
2 loops, haven't listened yet
I just woke up after sleeping in. I heard something in my head while lying here, and I'm writing now. I heard "Not allowed to be free".
Most recent manifestation of that showing was last night, right before bed. I'd gotten up to use the bathroom, feeling a desire for freedom in my life, and I stopped, looking right in front of me. I have a cardboard box in my room I've had in here almost 3 weeks now from an Amazon delivery. I normally desire to keep delivery boxes for a few days in case something's wrong with the product--but nothing's wrong with the item.
I have multiple other things laying around my room, keeping me "unfinished", antsy, and sometimes even feeling without hope and discouraged.
Yeah, I could just go pick it up and throw it out. I admit I fight myself regularly doing so, and ultimately I use shame and logic for motivation. In other words, I have to feel down or desparate to clean my place up, sometimes afraid (like when I get word from my landlord they're coming by for something). Most often, fear of a shaming has been my motivator. I grew up like that, not a good feeling.
This is a big realization, showing in multiple other areas such as business success and relationships. Baby steps have been made in recent years in both, some steps bigger than others, but----but going forward and succeeding without continued attempts to sabotage progress has NOT happened yet. My own mind is blocking me.
Gonna listen to loops now.
P.S. I wondered days ago if Shannon was putting the anti-clutter module in E5. And exactly like above, I experienced both desire to ask him along with an internal "no, no, no". My beliefs control me. They flipping suck--and I even fought myself imagining freedom these last 30 seconds.
2 loops, haven't listened yet
I just woke up after sleeping in. I heard something in my head while lying here, and I'm writing now. I heard "Not allowed to be free".
Most recent manifestation of that showing was last night, right before bed. I'd gotten up to use the bathroom, feeling a desire for freedom in my life, and I stopped, looking right in front of me. I have a cardboard box in my room I've had in here almost 3 weeks now from an Amazon delivery. I normally desire to keep delivery boxes for a few days in case something's wrong with the product--but nothing's wrong with the item.
I have multiple other things laying around my room, keeping me "unfinished", antsy, and sometimes even feeling without hope and discouraged.
Yeah, I could just go pick it up and throw it out. I admit I fight myself regularly doing so, and ultimately I use shame and logic for motivation. In other words, I have to feel down or desparate to clean my place up, sometimes afraid (like when I get word from my landlord they're coming by for something). Most often, fear of a shaming has been my motivator. I grew up like that, not a good feeling.
This is a big realization, showing in multiple other areas such as business success and relationships. Baby steps have been made in recent years in both, some steps bigger than others, but----but going forward and succeeding without continued attempts to sabotage progress has NOT happened yet. My own mind is blocking me.
Gonna listen to loops now.
P.S. I wondered days ago if Shannon was putting the anti-clutter module in E5. And exactly like above, I experienced both desire to ask him along with an internal "no, no, no". My beliefs control me. They flipping suck--and I even fought myself imagining freedom these last 30 seconds.
I want to be FREE!
