07-03-2021, 10:31 AM
(This post was last modified: 07-03-2021, 10:42 AM by Kol.
Edit Reason: Additions and corrections
)
50 minutes in my first out of 2 trickling stream hybrid loop and im unplugging from redpill. Im unplugging from internet and undoing jargon terms like simp and what not. Its all illusion. When I was 19, I was focussed on the gym, building, success etc without thinking much about it, other then just grinding. As a result, my social life was flourishing, yes, I had rejections, its part of the learning process. I had females since kindergarden, had other people telling me "do you know girl x is interested in you?" Or, hearing from others that my sister was being asked if I was her brother.
There came a point that I threw the towel in the ring as I saw through the rat-race and just said "fuck it" to the matrix illusion and bullshit. I write this because..well because I write it. Just writing it, nothing else. I was heavy into meditation, eastern stuff, pealing off layers, sacrificing basically.
The whole redpill thing is great to hide behind btw. To keep the door shut, as a cope, an excuse, an escape, which I did. For some reason I started to adopt all this from a place of ambesia. Maybe an experiment, idk, but man, looking back, the years and time I wasted, while I could simply just love myself and do the actual direct inner work is insane. I talked with people about this, about how a choice can set off a chain reaction, which then ripples forward and get you to the place youre at right now. One choice, just one decision.
Now, looking back at what I wrote, I never was bad with women to begin with. Nothing was wrong with me, and OF hitting on insecurity, selfesteem, selflove, being sexy in my own skin, seems to be no coincidence. Maybe it is, maybe it isnt, get out of your head and accept yourself.
My second loop just started as I finished this post. Im facing it all directly. No weaseling out but actually improving what is directly gping on with MYSELF. Unplugging from redpill and the internet is unplugging from validation and permission seeking. Being a 90s kid has its pro's, due to the pre-internet era that it was.
To add: I did notice some social anxiety was present today at the grocery store. So that is now being worked through. Cool. Multiple reasons do surface now
Which is very interesting!
There came a point that I threw the towel in the ring as I saw through the rat-race and just said "fuck it" to the matrix illusion and bullshit. I write this because..well because I write it. Just writing it, nothing else. I was heavy into meditation, eastern stuff, pealing off layers, sacrificing basically.
The whole redpill thing is great to hide behind btw. To keep the door shut, as a cope, an excuse, an escape, which I did. For some reason I started to adopt all this from a place of ambesia. Maybe an experiment, idk, but man, looking back, the years and time I wasted, while I could simply just love myself and do the actual direct inner work is insane. I talked with people about this, about how a choice can set off a chain reaction, which then ripples forward and get you to the place youre at right now. One choice, just one decision.
Now, looking back at what I wrote, I never was bad with women to begin with. Nothing was wrong with me, and OF hitting on insecurity, selfesteem, selflove, being sexy in my own skin, seems to be no coincidence. Maybe it is, maybe it isnt, get out of your head and accept yourself.
My second loop just started as I finished this post. Im facing it all directly. No weaseling out but actually improving what is directly gping on with MYSELF. Unplugging from redpill and the internet is unplugging from validation and permission seeking. Being a 90s kid has its pro's, due to the pre-internet era that it was.
To add: I did notice some social anxiety was present today at the grocery store. So that is now being worked through. Cool. Multiple reasons do surface now
Which is very interesting!
