06-29-2021, 12:05 AM
(This post was last modified: 06-29-2021, 12:48 AM by Kol.
Edit Reason: Additions and corrections
)
Ran 4 loops last night.
This morning I had flashes come up from a former "friendgroup" and situations that came with it. The abuse is clear now. Hot flashes of rage, right back in the experiences.
I also am aware how I blame it on myself in a negative way. I feel myself even regressing to a younger state, and wish it on no-one. Hits hard, raw.
Accountability motivation in those podcasts for example can be another form of self punishment, another stick to hit yourself with, so can be "self improvement" I even realize now that the whole "I need to set boundaries" kick in a subtle panic driven motivation. Its fear. Reactionairy.
Anyway, having all these flashbacks coming to the surface and what not, seems OF is clearing them out.
Funny is, when I went to get my new drivers license, on my way back, my head was clear, OF was dominating completely.
Another is, no matter if you are a granny or what, you aint getting special treatment. No handouts, no discounts. Even grannies are still women and they do what women do.
Societal matrix is breaking down, societies programming and its ridiculous bs, its breaking down. Very cool.
This morning I had flashes come up from a former "friendgroup" and situations that came with it. The abuse is clear now. Hot flashes of rage, right back in the experiences.
I also am aware how I blame it on myself in a negative way. I feel myself even regressing to a younger state, and wish it on no-one. Hits hard, raw.
Accountability motivation in those podcasts for example can be another form of self punishment, another stick to hit yourself with, so can be "self improvement" I even realize now that the whole "I need to set boundaries" kick in a subtle panic driven motivation. Its fear. Reactionairy.
Anyway, having all these flashbacks coming to the surface and what not, seems OF is clearing them out.
Funny is, when I went to get my new drivers license, on my way back, my head was clear, OF was dominating completely.
Another is, no matter if you are a granny or what, you aint getting special treatment. No handouts, no discounts. Even grannies are still women and they do what women do.
Societal matrix is breaking down, societies programming and its ridiculous bs, its breaking down. Very cool.
